2.5 y/o...waking from naps at daycare & CIO!!!

[meghandshea<3]

not so sure how i feel about this...well, i DO know how i feel about it. but knowing what is best in the long run for my son is another question...

here's what's up... my son has been going to a daycare which is very child-led & he loves it there. it makes it so much easier for me to work f/t knowing he is so happy & cared for...

BUT...

when my son wakes from napping there he usually cries...this is just his thing since birth...he gets disoriented or something... at home, i nurse him if he asks for it... but at daycare, he is being told that when he calms down, he can get up...or maybe that they will then hold him...not sure exactly what he needs to calm down about but they let him work it out himself, basically.

this is upsetting to me... i think this is way young for such a little guy to be pressured into. i'd rather he be comforted by touch...that he is held...like i said, he's just a little guy... it isn't like he is 5 or 7 but even so, i wouldn't just tell my 7.5 y/o daughter that when she calms down from crying & reaching out then she can get up or i will comfort her...!!!

just wanting to know what other parents here think of this... i'm all for teaching kids to be self reliant & such, not growing up thinking they are entitled but for petes sake, loving one another is what life truly should be about...and to me, this doesn't feel good.

input? thanks.

[marispel]

Have you talked to you DCP about soothing him. Maybe rubbing his back or are the opposed to any contact?

[Ravensong13]

That doesn't make any sense to me and seems counterproductive. He needs something ( obviously) and cries out for it and is told stop crying and you'll get what you need? I'd talk to the center and ask if they could do some gentle soothing or ask why they want him to not cry. I've never used daycare and have a 2.5 year old myself. I'd be upset if someone was treating my dd that way.

[Nicole730]

My son has always been like this too, still wakes up in the morning sometimes fussing. On the days I get him from nap immediately and he is crying, he is quite clingy for about 15-20 minutes or so. On days I can't get to him instantly, because of DD, he cries (or actually, I should use the word Fusses) for a bit, just a few minutes, then settles into play. When I get to him, he is much happier and gets down and runs around the plays right away. Obviously, comforting him is wonderful for him, but I think he just needs time to wake up and get oriented after nap.

That is probably different than the situation you are describing, because your LO might be able to see everyone else and know they aren't coming when he cries even though they see him.

[just_lily]

I suspect they are trying to discourage him from crying each time he wakes up. If he is in a room full of sleeping kids, his crying could be waking them up.

I have a 2yo in my home daycare who cries as soon as she wakes up as well. No fussing first, just full on yelling. And she is LOUD, and it wakes up the other kids. If the other kids need more sleep I end up with a group of crabby and whiney children for the rest of the day. So I totally get the frustration.

I'm not saying what they are doing is right, but I can see where they are probably coming from. Do you think you can talk to your DS about what else he can do when he wakes up instead of crying? Could you give him words to say to his teachers? Maybe if you practice this at home and at daycare it would get better.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

My ds is like that (well now he doesn't nap), he would cry if I held him and cry if I didn't. I suspect they tried holding him, he still cried the same amount of time so they figured that wasn't working for him and *not* holding him gives them extra arms to tend to other kids.

Now if there is something specific and concrete they can do (hold and offer a sippy of milk) that will comfort and calm him I would suggest that, but if they are going to end up holding him while he cries for 20 mins, or have him sit on his mat and cry for 20 mins I don't know what to say.

My ds would cry the same length of time if you held him or didn't the only thing that calmed him down really was time, if he was still napping, I might have gotten to the point where i would tell him when he was ready to come play to come play. As long as the kid isn't trapped or excluded (alone in room, encolsed in crib or pack and play) and so they can self-regulate when they want to to get up and join the group, *I* would by comfortable with that for *my* kid.

There are many kids (my ds's bff is one) that if you make a big deal out of the crying (holding, offering suggestions, comforting etc) it lasts much longer than if you just tell him, "I"m over here reading a book and you can come join us when you are ready"

[nelson]

I would NOT be okay with this. My DS sometimes wakes up happy and other times sad and crying. I would never even think to say "no" to a hug or cuddle if that is what he needed, WTH??? I would for sure talk with the staff and let them know where you stand. They are getting paid to watch YOUR child, you do have a say in that, and if you don't, I would change his daycare.

[meghandshea<3]

yeah i'm going to have to clarify w/ DCP & her staff what exactly they DO do & do NOT do... i just would like him to be comforted w/ physical contact...whether he cries or not, i just feel that is what he needs. that is what he wants w/ my mom & i... i will ask if they give him physical comfort or not when he wakes up... it probably is disruptive to the other kids but...i used to do daycare & i'd just pick up the child & hold them or lay w/ them if another kid wasn't in need of comforting... i'm an AP queen!

thank you all for your input... i really appreciate it.