Toddler Hurting the Baby

[lisalu100]

The girl I nanny for, Ava, is 27 months, and I bring Emme, my 10 month old to work with me. Ava is always taking toys from Emme, even though she doesn't want them, occasionally hitting her. Today, Ava was mad during, and after a diaper change, and pushed Emme, who was balancing alone, down to the ground. Hard. I get so angry at Ava for hurting my baby, even though logically, I know she is expressing her own anger, and showing that she wants power. I'm pretty sure it's all about having the power to make the baby cry. I'm at a loss of what to do.

Normally, I tend to the baby first, ignoring the toddler, talking about ow the baby must feel, before explaining to the toddler that she hurt the baby, what can she do to make the baby feel better? I don't force an apology, but suggest one, or a hug. I recently read Unconditional Parenting, which would have me show the toddler love at this point, and give her attention, but I feel this is rewarding the bad behaviour...?

I tried time-outs a couple times, until Ava shut Emme's fingers in a drawer on purpose, because "I want to go in time-out". This was right after I was playing on the floor with the toddler, but I left to make lunch. I guess this was a cry for attention?

Any other ideas? How long is this going to go on? I know I could avoid having the girls down alone together, but this isn't always possible.

[EzzysMom]

Sadly, I gotta say keeping them apart when you're not watching is really a strategy you're going to need to employ. Always take one to the bathroom, with you while you're cooking and paying a lot of attention when you know Ava is upset so you can intervene. I take care of others kids too sometimes and yeah it's hard not to get mad when they hurt your kid, especially on purpose.

Try to tell Ava other things she can do when she's mad, stomping, punching pillows, yelling 'mad mad mad' or other acceptable things. Definitely sounds like she's looking for attention. Perhaps she can help you with things like making lunch? My 25 month old can do a lot or atleast is happy to be mildly involved.

[K1329]

Unfortunately, we found ourselves in a similar situation when we had a second child, and, if you have a second, you might, too. I think it's typical, normal behavior, but, I can remember being SO frustrated with it! I agree with the pp, you should not leave them alone together, under any circumstances. In our situation, despite trying and trying, we were not able to do anything to end the struggle. It only resolved itself with time - as the kids got older. As your dd gets older, she'll be able to alert you, run away, and defend herself. Hopefully, another poster will have some better tips!