Angry with La Leche League

[Georgia's Mama]

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today, and left very unhappy. My fiance and are taking a day trip this month and are planning to leave out 4 month old daughter with his parents while we're gone. We'll be gone for roughly 9 hours. I asked the leader for some advice on getting a good stash of breast milk to leave with my fiance's parents. She essentially told me that I was being a bad mother. She sad that I was damaging and hurting my child by leaving her. I would taker her with us, but we're going to see a musical. This woman really upset me. Am I wrong to be mad?

[PatioGardener]

As well as leaving a stash, please remember to take a pump with you (or hand express) so you don't get mastitis!

Welcome to MDC

[bcblondie]

Have a fun trip!

[Georgia's Mama]

I'll be sure to bring my pump! Thanks, ladies!

[MamieCole]

I know that this is upsetting, but try not to be mad at the entire LLL organization. I've been to LLL meetings in 3 different states and sometimes you get a good leader, sometimes you don't.

Overall I think the leaders are supposed to offer advice to breastfeeding moms which supports the breastfeeding relationship. 9 hours for a 4 month old sounds very reasonable to me. (not knowing your specific circumstance, of course)

[akind1]

many moms must leave their babies as long, or longer, at a younger age in order to go to work, and they are not "bad" moms! do make sure you have some way to relieve yourself, a pump, or hand express.

Also, I think you are right to be upset at the person, but maybe not the orginization. most of my BF'ing friends haven't had great luck with LLL but I think that is a local - and maybe and individual -thing, and I am thankful to have lots of BF'ing friends as my own mini-LLL!

chin up, your LO will be ok, and you will too! it is tough to leave them.

[PatioGardener]

need any tips on getting enough milk to leave? we've got lots of tips to share!

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

need any tips on getting enough milk to leave? we've got lots of tips to share!

oh please do share! i have a dear friend in the same situation!

[rlmueller]

Youtube and pump feed at same time

I work full time and pump at work.

When I wake up I get the baby and feed her in bed on one side and pump the other with a manual--I switch nurse every 5 min and get about 4-5 oz this way while feeding. It takes a bit of getting used to but it is not difficult really. You can also use a single electric to do this, but in bed in the dark manual is easier for me.

I do this three times a day--of course I don't get as much but that is okay. A week and you should have around 5 bottles of 4 oz a piece. At 4 months my girl eats 4 oz every 3 hours and I always have an extra bottle or two extra just in case she gets hungry quicker.

On day trip have pump, cups, tops, little insulated type lunch bag, little cold paks. Don't let hubby laugh at you for pumping in the car.

[CallMeMommy]

Oh please, you are SO not a bad mother!! A day trip at 4 months? Perfectly reasonable IMO. That lady probably thinks I'm the devil reincarnate since I work outside the home full-time starting at about 2 months postpartum

[MountainMamaGC]

Please dont look at the whole orgnaization as bad. The leader was out of line. They are supposed to offer you support for your situation. She should have supported your decision and told you how to keep your supply up.

Leaders are not supposed to offer advice. They are supposed to offer information and support to empower the mother. This is much different they spouting "You should do ____." Members are not supposed to offer advice either, they are supposed to share their experiences so a mother can empower herself and decided for herself. That way she has ownership in her parenting. She does things not just because someone told her to, but because she decided thats what was best, even if it means weaning.

If the right support is offered then mothers will keep coming back to LLL with subsequent children and maybe if they weaned the first one early they will nurse the next ones longer and any breastmilk that child gets is a success, IMO.

Most LLL have this philosophy, at least the ones I have talked to.

[Annie Mac]

Interesting that this post is up here today. I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I have a similar story. I just went to my 2nd LLL meeting and left wondering what kind of training, if any, the leaders take. Like the leader you met, this woman also said women should not leave their babies. We weren't talking long times, we were talking about doing things you like. Yoga. Pottery. That sort of thing. The things that might keep some moms sane. She made it sound like it was some big conspiracy perpetrated by, I don't know, the medical community maybe, to keep babies and mothers separated. She was extremely black and white in her world views, and quite overbearing. I really wanted to meet other moms and I wanted the support of LLL, but with leaders like this? It wasn't really a pleasant 2 hours, and I left feeling somewhat attacked by some of the things she said. When I asked her about low supply and how I could increase it, she had only one answer, obviously in her mind the ONLY one, and it just didn't address my concerns. So yeah, what does one need in order to become an LLL leader? Because I wouldn't mind at some point putting together my own group.

[MountainMamaGC]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac

Interesting that this post is up here today. I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I have a similar story. I just went to my 2nd LLL meeting and left wondering what kind of training, if any, the leaders take. Like the leader you met, this woman also said women should not leave their babies. We weren't talking long times, we were talking about doing things you like. Yoga. Pottery. That sort of thing. The things that might keep some moms sane. She made it sound like it was some big conspiracy perpetrated by, I don't know, the medical community maybe, to keep babies and mothers separated. She was extremely black and white in her world views, and quite overbearing. I really wanted to meet other moms and I wanted the support of LLL, but with leaders like this? It wasn't really a pleasant 2 hours, and I left feeling somewhat attacked by some of the things she said. When I asked her about low supply and how I could increase it, she had only one answer, obviously in her mind the ONLY one, and it just didn't address my concerns. So yeah, what does one need in order to become an LLL leader? Because I wouldn't mind at some point putting together my own group.

You need to find a leader to work with you and you need to attend all 4 series meetings. The training takes some time, but you can go at your own pace. The organization does provide a template which I like so the group stays dedicated to the cause and does not become a soap box for other issues.

These are the organizations philosophies that every leader must have applied to their life in one way or another. Much of it is up to interpretation.

* Mothering through breastfeeding is the most natural and effective way of understanding and satisfying the needs of the baby.
* Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply.
* In the early years the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food.
* Breast milk is the superior infant food.
* For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth.
* Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need.
* Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.
* Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy.
* Good nutrition means eating a well-balanced and varied diet of foods in as close to their natural state as possible.
* From infancy on, children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings.

This is the mission statement of LLL.

The misson of LLLI is "to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.

[KimberlyD0]

The LLL in MY area was really bad with the judgments too. If I had never met women from outside of my city I would never have know how good they could be. I wish I could have seen them that way myself. I was not welcomed with my first when I was trying to relactate (I had to stop BF due to hemeraging at 3 days PP and not being strong enough to BF or pump) and I ended up failing

They've since been disbanned and a new Peer Support Breast Feeding group has now taken its place. I am once of the volenteers for that group. I joined as a volenteer when I reached 6 months with my second, they were invaluable in helping me relactate the second time.

I agree with making sure you bring a pump so you can keep your supply up, by not missing a "feed" and also so you wont get engorged which is painful, plus can lead to mastitis.

Go and have a great time enjoy your child, but also enjoy time you get for yourself.

[lifeguard]

It's too bad some people have such bad experiences. I love my LLL meetings - it's one of the highlights of my month. I guess, like many things, the leader really makes the group good or bad.

[ewe+lamb]

I am so sorry that this happened to you and during a LLL meeting, meetings are supposed to be non-judgmental, Leaders are supposed to give the means to support another breastfeeding mother, over here in france we have meetings for working mothers, about travelling, about how to leave the baby if we must for a day, this is very sad and you can report the Leader if you feel that this is necessary, all breastfeeding mothers are welcome and should receive the support that they need, we've even had mothers come along with bottles wanting to relactate, if they weren't welcome then where would they get the support from?


Leaders are go through training, and over here - i'm in france, at the congress and seminars Leaders are given the opportunity to learn lots of different things, how to spot things regarding breastfeeding difficulties, along with the more general and normal things such as leaving a baby for the day with someone who is going to love and care for your baby, LLL Leaders like any other profession should update their information and knowledge and be eager to learn and advance from their training, some do; others don't.

This should not have happened to you, hence trying to go to a meeting with 2 leaders, a much better solution IMO, if one slips up and says something silly - which can happen the other can make a slight adjustment and correct the situation.

I am genuinely sorry that this happened, but yes - take your pump with you, a photo of baby - just in case you need a little incentive, the mobile phone so that you can hear baby breathing, cold packs to store milk, an extra bra, top and breast pads just in case you leak and if there is anything else - just post again. Do not be surprised or panic if you find out that your baby has taken no nourishment, some babies will practically nurse for 24 nurse when mama returns so do be prepared for some down time when you return, if you're coming back at night then just take baby into bed with you and let them nurse all they like. You'll be fine and you are NOT a bad mother at all, we all need our time to relax and wind down - everything will just be fine.

[aylaanne]

I hate judgemental moms, no matter the flavor.

To build up a freezer supply before I go back to work (where I'll be leaving my baby for 9-10 hours, 3x/week) I've been nursing on only one side over night, then pumping the full side in the morning while I nurse. I have my pump set up on my couch so I can prop the baby up and have a free hand to pump with (I have huge bazingas, hands-free is not for me). In 8 weeks (6 really) I have over 40 ounces saved up. She takes about 2 oz every 1-2 hours when awake, but since I'll be leaving her overnight, she'll probably take 3-4 oz every 4 hours or so.

On a one-day trip, I wouldn't stress too much about pumping to empty or pumping on a schedule. About every 3 hours, pump for about 10 minutes. Nurse your baby right before you leave and nurse or pump right when you get home. If you were doing this on a more regular basis, you would have to be more stringent about the pumping, but one day doesn't affect the supply for most women.