coping mechanisms

[Theloose]

Dd is almost 3.5, and we have a 2mo. Given dd's personality (very emotionally sensitive), child led weaning is the only real option for her. At the same time, she could REALLY use some coping mechanisms for when I'm holding the baby during the day and when he needs milk. Right now, she refuses to tandem nurse (and gets upset at the suggestion), and if she falls or whatever when I have ds, she rejects any attempt of sympathy or comfort on my part.

What I'm wondering is, what sorts of things do your kids do to naturally replace nursing for comfort and connection with mama? I'm hoping to introduce some ideas so that she's not left feeling like I'm unavailable and she has to cope on her own.

[tinybutterfly]

Does she have a lovey? A blanket or stuffed animal that she sleeps with or loves especially?

When my boys were very little I paired a particular blanket with nursing and also made sure they had it when we rocked in the rocking chair or went to sleep. I figured that for them that blanket would be associated with those times and would serve as a temporary substitute if needed.

Can you find something now, if she doesn't already have an item like this, to use to "hold her over" while she waits on you?

It can be hard when you have two little ones who need you at the same time.

[tinybutterfly]

I'm going to move this to the general Breastfeeding forum...

[Theloose]

Thanks

No, she doesn't have a lovey, and has never been that into loving on dolls/stuffed animals/blankets, etc. When I try to encourage her to hug a stuffed animal, she mostly gets mad at me I haven't tried all that hard yet though.

[tinybutterfly]

What I did with the blankets was just to have it there at first. I never pushed it at them, it was just there, around, maybe sometimes I used it to cover them with, keep them warm or it was on my lap, etc. Eventually, they would hold it. I do remember it was a very intentional act on my part to associate those blankets with positive experiences. So maybe if you are working with a doll or stuffed animal, just have it near when you are putting her to sleep, nursing her or holding her. Then work from there, set it closer to her, but don't put it in her hands or even bring attention to it at all. It's just there. And she may not like a doll or stuffed animal...a blanket, a cloth diaper, a small toy...

And it isn't meant to take the place of you, just I guess be something in addition, a small thing to calm them when you can't always BE there right that second...ya know?

And you know since your ds is only 2 months old, your dd is still adjusting to having a new sibling and having to share you. Maybe she will be okay with tandem nursing later.

Are there any snacks she particularly likes, something special that she doesn't usually get or something that she really, really likes that maybe you could give her when she is having to wait to nurse? Something you could keep on hand that she could have then and maybe that would help with waiting her turn?

Or maybe she would like a story read to her while you nurse your ds, or she could listen to a book being read on tape while waiting her turn...

Possibly a little tub of special new toys that are only brought out when it's her turn wait? Then they get put up until next time she has to wait?

I am hoping someone else will chime in here! It has been a long while since my children were very young.