Choosing between DH and my 4 year old

[mommyshoppinghabit]

DH and I are having kind of a struggle right now b/c I don't sleep in our bed most nights. He sleeps alone there. Most nights these days, I fall asleep next to my 4 y.o. I get a better night's sleep when I'm in ds's room than in the master bedroom. The soothing white noise machine I have going in there plus the dark curtains makes for a good sleep environment for me (and DS). Plus I have to lie next to ds to put him to sleep anyway. If I lie there, I get sleepy, and it's just so easy to continue to sleep there. It's so hard to wake myself up and go downstairs to hang out w/DH who wants to stay up till 12 most nights watching movies. DS wakes up most nights, either in the middle of the night, or very early in the morning before he has actually gotten a good amount of sleep. If I'm sleeping next to him, both he and I get a good nights sleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, I shush him back to sleep, if he wakes up too early (like 6 am) I can get him back to sleep if I catch him just as he is sitting up. So if I'm back in the master bedroom, I either can't sleep b/c i'm anticipating ds coming into our room in the middle of the night or waking up too early. I know it's kind of not fair to DH, but I've been through the newborn phase twice now and twice it took me a good 2 years before I was able to sleep through the night again so I feel like I have a lot of sleep to catch up on, and it's just not fun for me to stay up watching movies. I also don't want ds sleeping in bed w/both me and DH b/c DH is a heavy tosser and turner and wakes ds up plus he is on call for work 24 hr a day and keeps his two cell phones nearby at night, and I hate the anticipation that we might get woken up by that too. What do I do?

[ssh]

You could move another bed next to the bed in your and your DHs bed. Then you can lay by your DS while he goes to sleep and then roll onto the other bed and lay by your DH. Also your DS will be close if he needs you during the night.

[nextcommercial]

Normally, I would probably choose my husband over my four year old.

But, it's hard to pass up a good night's sleep.

[kalamos23]

What about every other night or 2 nights in with your hubby? Then he's not feeling slighted? I know my DH at one point was feeling somewhat unimportant to me since I was choosing sleep or DD over him all the time (I have a bad sleeper, so I understand you on the catching up on sleep part!). Our problem was that DD was going to bed SO late, and I stayed up with her bc DH needed to get up early to go to work. Once I started making an effort to try and spend some time with him, (in our case it was waking up with him) our relationship got much stronger and he started helping out more around teh house so I really did have more time with him then (totally inadvertant side effect but nice nonetheless!)

So in your case, I'd try to spend a couple nights a week with your DH.

[alfabetsoup]

I recently started letting my DD1 (just turned 4) put herself to sleep. Every night I would fall asleep while cuddling her to sleep and that would be it for the evening. I would wake up around 10 or 11, use the computer for a bit and then go to bed, where DD1 would join me and kick DH out around 2am.

One night she was so wiggly and kick-y that I couldn't handle the cuddling, so I told her I'd come back in 5 mins and got up. Came back, kiss, told her I'd be back in 5 mins, went back and she was asleep. Now DH or I cuddle for a few minutes, talk about our day, give her a kiss and go. After about 10 mins I go back for a last kiss but she's often asleep by then.

The difference it has made having the evening back is FABULOUS. DH & I can talk, watch tv, get stuff done and even GO OUT BY OURSELVES. Almost every night by 8pm we are finished. DD1 still gets up some nights and kicks DH out so she can sleep with me but I don't mind too much because I don't feel like she's stolen my evening. You could try letting him do his own thing, DD1 & DD2 chat (they share) or talk to themselves--it's a little bit of time they have to be independent and I think they like it.

[doubledutch]

what if you planned a friday or saturday date night with dh, where either you know you are going to get up after ds falls asleep or (better yet) dh puts him to sleep, then you two watch your movie and have treats, and you guys go to bed together. by having it on a weekend, it's okay that you've stayed up later and maybe won't get the best sleep, because you could either sleep in or catch a nap while dh has special daddy-kid time.

if you had something like that regularly scheduled, so dh knew he would get that time with you, in exchange for you getting sound sleep with ds the rest of the week, would that appease him?

[lmk1]

Does your dh mind this arrangement? If so, ask him for suggestions too. I know I sleep a lot better if I sleep with ds or if dh does. I always worry about ds rolling out of bed or something, no matter what, and I wake up a million times to check up on him if he's sleeping alone. I'm just like that. We've been trying to transition him out of our bed to the futon that's one foot away from our bed, as the queen size bed just isn't working anymore with a little active monkey that ds has become at night, and my pregnant belly. However, I don't necessarily take dh's concerns as much into account, as I work full time, and I feel my sleep is really important, plus dh doesn't like to cuddle at night as he gets too hot, so I really don't see what difference it makes if we sleep in one bed or not, if each one of us is on our own side of the bed.