My husband walked out last night *Update in Post 6*

[honeybunmom]

. . . and came back for some of his things today. We've had a lot of rough times in the 6 years of our marriage. Largely due to the fact that at the beginning of year 2 we bought a building to rehab and my completely disorganized husband ran the project. Well, 5 years later, we finally moved in this past October. He snapped last night over some stuff having to do with our condo we were finally renting. He failed to get the place ready in time for the people who were there yesterday with all their worldly possessions ready to move in.

He has only worked for a short period during our marriage. This will not be any financial hardship on me. Only if he asks for support. Which I doubt he will. I pray he doesn't surprise me on that one. In any event, I'm sure he has a horrible self image since he does not work and has not finished his degree. When we started this rehab, he had only 4 classes left and he dropped them all. Meanwhile, I'm an attorney and just started a new job 3 weeks ago with a $17K pay hike, great benefits and great work.

He had been a SAHD, but, had a friend helping us out so that he could get some things done around here. So, fortunately, I can have her continue to watch the kids, who are 14 mos and 4.5.

What do I do now?

My best friend is flying out here in the morning to stay with me for a couple of days.

My daughter is supposed to start summer camp in a couple of weeks, not sure how she's going to get there, now.

After next week, when he plans to give me back the phone on our plan, I won't have a way to get in touch with him.

Even if he does come to his senses, I'm not sure I want him back. I want someone who will really step up and be a leader, at best - a full partner at the very least. He was neither.

[JunipersMom]

So sorry you are going through this.. its a rough road - divorce that is. I hope your family finds its way with respect and dignity intact.

[Mamatolea]

My thoughts and energies are going out to you. I can tell that you will get through this and be just fine, no matter what way it goes. You are a smart, strong mama!!

<big hugs>

[tnmom66]

I sincerely hope you can work things out. Sounds like you have had a lot of frustrations with him, but I think you should be able to work things out. If he is a "good" dad, even if he isn't a good provider, I'm sure he has his good points and may be worth holding on to. Did you know how he was when you married him?

Any chance he is ADD and meds might help?

I think you have probably learned a lot over the past 6 years about what is good about your relationship and what is not. You just have to decide if his good points are worth holding on to.

And maybe he hasn't felt like he needed to be a leader/provider if you are better at it than him and you both know it.

I wish you all the best. Try to not "rush" into anything.

[jorismom]

Your post is really resonating with me. My husband was the stay at home dad, college student, night worker for most of our relationship. We both had a lot of resentment about the arrangement. I wished that I could be the one home with my daughter instead of having to work full time. He didn't really want to be home with a small child but he didn't have a degree and thus made a lot less than me, so it made financial sense. I really put up with a lot for a very long time-it sounds like you did too. Once my husband decided he wanted to separate, at first I was in shock. But very quickly I came to realize how emotionally draining being married to him has been. Maybe you are realizing the same thing? I wish you all the best in your future and whether you reconcile with your husband or end up divorced, I hope that your life improves either way.

[honeybunmom]

Well, he did come back the very same day. And I was slightly disappointed, to tell the truth.

I went to the FAP at work and got referrals for what appear to be some good counselors.

We go tonight for the first of a 4 session evaluation. This guy's clinical interests cover every.single.issue. we have. So, if he can't help, no one can. This is it for me. This episode has really opened my eyes, and I'm ready to move on. If my husband doesn't show up in his consciousness for this process, and if there is anything the past almost 7 years has taught me it's that he won't, I'm excited about the possibility of actually having a happy marriage one day, with or without him.

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by honeybunmom

Well, he did come back the very same day. And I was slightly disappointed, to tell the truth.

I went to the FAP at work and got referrals for what appear to be some good counselors.

We go tonight for the first of a 4 session evaluation. This guy's clinical interests cover every.single.issue. we have. So, if he can't help, no one can. This is it for me. This episode has really opened my eyes, and I'm ready to move on. If my husband doesn't show up in his consciousness for this process, and if there is anything the past almost 7 years has taught me it's that he won't, I'm excited about the possibility of actually having a happy marriage one day, with or without him.

i think it's absolutely wonderful that you two have an opportunity to work through this four session evaluation and, from the sound of it, go through the process of ending your relationship together, calmly, with a neutral third party there for perspective. that sounds almost ideal.

the bolded says so much. of course there is always a chance that he will wake up, but it sounds like you have come to terms with the likelihood that he won't and now you can wrap up the unfinished business and moved forward.