Potty learning is this gentle what I am doing?

[mama2toomany]

Ok my dd is 5 and special needs with some pretty big delays, so its more like dealing with a 3 year old in speech and understanding. She is getting better though and learning SO much everyday.

She is 5 and not potty learned yet. It might be my fault, because I never push her to do something she is not comfortable with, I did gently offer a lot, but she would freak out, so i would right away back off. She had a very traumatizing event happen in a bathroom by a babysitter a couple of years go. So I know how scary it was for her for a long time to even go in the bathroom.

Summer kindergarten is starting very soon, and I really want her to be comfortable around the potty.

I can't approve of forcing her to go every 15 minutes or whatever the programs out there suggest, it seems like a time out or a punishment to me.


So yesterday, I let her put on a dress with no pull ups or underpants. Just commando if you will.

She hasn't had an "accident" yet, she right away used the potty everytime she needed to. Yesterday she would tell me "i have to go" and I would follow her in and help her. Today, halfway through the day, she stopped asking for help and just did her thing all by herself. I checked her every once in awhile, and she hasn't soiled herself once. Later this evening before bed I heard her run out from story time with daddy and say "No I can do it myself, no thank you". And then she ran up to me and said "Mama, come look what I did". And sure enough.. she pooped in the potty all by herself without any help, I did have to help clean her up a bit after though.

I am wondering if this is the right way to do this though, I mean she isn't messing but she isn't happy without her diaper. She asked for it once and I didn't say no, but I did redirect her and do a puzzle to get her mind off it.

Do you think that she will still do this well once we put underwear on her? I let dh take her to the store to get new underpants, (kinda funny he came home with so much lol he bought her every kind of underwear she wanted and came home with 36 pairs lol).

Anyways what are your thoughts, is this gentle to do? Is it negative to let her run around without underwear on?

thoughts?

[4evermom]

That sounds really fine. You are nudging her a little but you are treating her with respect. You aren't shaming or manipulating her. I'd leave her in dresses and no underpants (unless you are going out in public) for at least a week or two so she really is in the habit of using the toilet before throwing underpants into the mix (but maybe it won't even be an issue). A lot of kids are ambivalent about stopping wearing diapers. She might be a little sad and want diapers from time to time but you're giving her the opportunity to be proud of herself as well.

[aikigypsy]

I think that what you're doing sounds just right. IME with a much younger kid, learning to deal with pants and underpants is a separate skill from getting to the potty. My kid is pretty good about going potty when she doesn't have anything on, but we're still working on the pants thing.

[mama2toomany]

My dh put underpants on her today, and she had an accident, so off they go, I think she just needs more time to separate the two.

Thanks for the thoughts!

[LynnS6]

I think it sounds great. She's clearly ready, just needed to be nudged a bit. The fact that she's doing it herself and that she recognizes when she needs to go means she's ready.

Very often, in order to learn something, we need to be taken out of our comfort zone. You've been very respectful of her comfort zone. You sound like you'd be willing to back off if she were having a hard time.

[jkn]

I agree, it seems like she's ready, but just needs a gentle push in the 'right' direction. I think it sounds as though you are being extremely gentle and respectful of her. Good luck!

[mama2toomany]

Ok so after the accident we took off her underwear and now she is fine again.. not even asking for help, she does inform us "I went potty". we praise, she smiles.

But I am not making a comment or anything when she has an accident, i just ok.. lets get cleaned up. I try to sound cheerful either way, because I don't want her to think I am dissapointed, I know it isn't easy to grow up.