Pregnant facing custody battle. HELP! - Page 3

[lilyahyah]

Originally Posted by mran

What often happens when a mother is on aid (of any kind) is that the state goes after the father, takes his money/child support, and then gives the mother whatever aid she'd qualify for.

I've been in this scenerio before and told them they were insane - I was supposed to be recieving several hundred dollars in child support and literally recieving less than $20 in state benefits. In my case, I could pretty much guarantee that I would recieve the support money (father had worked for the same company for a long while and was in a contracted position - he wasn't going anywhere!) so it made sense to ditch the benefits, but in yours, you can't guarantee that he'll have a job, or that his employers will garnish his wages, so keep your benefits, whatever they're worth, and let them take whatever money from him. This way, you're guaranteed to get atleast some help each month, even if it isn't cash to help fund diapers and the like. You should also check into WIC, they've got great breastfeeding packages, and they might also know of programs that might help you for your other necessities.

Ok thank you. I already am on Wic. But they only give me a card with benefits for certain foods ad thats it. Im not sure if they help supply formula later but i will be breast feeding so i wont be needing that either way. I just checked the cost of diapers and read babies go thru about 10 to 15 a day and that is alot of money. What type of assistance does the state provide for those type of necesities if they take the child support from him and dont give any of it to me directly to help in getting her thigs she will be needing on a daily/monthly basis?

[*MamaJen*]

What part of Texas are you in? If you let us know the city we might be able to direct you to the legal aide for that area.
You're getting good advice. Breathe, concentrate on having a peaceful pregnancy, keep on taking classes and get your GED, and do the things you need to do to make a good, stable, positive life for yourself and your baby.
Have you seen the due date clubs on this forum? It's really fun, it's a group of women who are all due in the same month as you. It's a great source of support and information. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=249

As far as the custody issue goes, I've seen it over and over with certain types of guys -- they talk really loudly about how they want full custody, make lots of totally absurd threats, and when the baby actually gets there and they realize it's, y'know, actual work taking care of a baby, they suddenly want nothing to do with it. He sounds like a total narcissist and like it's more about controlling you and not paying child support than anything else.
Talk to a lawyer -- there should be free legal aid referrals in your area. And try not to stress too much about it. Take it seriously, but don't stress too much. At the end of the day, he probably will get some kind of visitation, but I seriously doubt it will be anything close to 50-50, especially not with a newborn. And there's a good chance he won't even choose to take advantage of it.

Also, cloth diapers can be a much cheaper way to get the job done. Here's the diapers thread -- http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=221
If you posted about cheapest kinds of diapers, I bet you'd get some good responses.
Good luck. It will all work out. Just keep on moving in a positive direction.

[mran]

Once the baby is born, your WIC package will change. Breastfeeding Mom & Baby get a different package, and it's more substantial than others. Working Moms get pumps, additional food, etc.

The state isn't going to give you additional money - unless you qualify for TANF/welfare - to buy other supplies. They're basically taking his money and giving you whatever other benefits they say you qualify for. But if you do recieve cash child support, that counts as income, so you might not qualify for medical, WIC, food stamps, whatever. There are some other, non government programs, that might help with other things, like diapers. You can also look into cloth diapers, they'd be a much cheaper alternative to disposables. I currently spend less than $45 a month on disposables for my infant, but you can get prefolds and covers for really reasonable prices and wash and reuse those. They aren't hard to use, I only choose to use disposables right now because I am temporarily a single mom w/ 5 kids, while pregnant w/ #6 and already do 3 loads of laundry a day. lol

[PoppyMama]

If you're not working you will qualify for TANF (or SNAP...they are always changing the name) and you will probably get a very small amount of cash and qualify for daycare coverage. I'm not sure how long you will get after the birth but TX does make you move towards employment if you're receiving TANF. They will also pursue child support as part of the process and you'll be booted off of TANF if you don't help them. If you need to work or go to school it's really good to get the daycare coverage through TANF, it's the only way to get instant paid daycare in TX. I worked at a daycare and took my kids with me for a while. The pay was terrible and I never could have afforded to pay daycare on it but the state covered the daycare so it worked.

[Halfasianmomma]

How are you today mama?

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by lilyahyah

Also side question: Someone on a legal board i had posted a few questions on said that.....

Please find a good local lawyer. you need a good lawyer and a strategy to get what you want - uninterrupted breastfeeding, ex to pay costs of visits to CA, if that happens, random drug tests for EX, etc.

The lawyer will have specific advice on:
* name on birth certificate or not
* notify dad of birth or not
* when to ask for child support

you have gotten some great advice here but please find a professional!

[lilyahyah]

Originally Posted by Halfasianmomma

How are you today mama?

Hey I am feeling ok today. I have been kind of putting it off to deal with it for the past week because i just hate the depression I go into when i think about it and the anxiety attacks I get from the stress. But I could give birth any day now so i have to call a lawyer today for advice. Im about to stat writing down all of the questions I asked in this thread and some of the other questions people told me would be wise to bring up as well. Hope everything goes ok. I have never consulted for legal advice before.

[lilyahyah]

um...!!!!

Ok i am calling offices for a consultations but they told me i have to call back after the child is born! So annoying cuz i want to be prepared and i have questions relating to the child like the birth certificate etc!

[chaoticzenmom]

It would be easier to put him onto the birth cert. than to take him off. I'd leave him off until you know more. Plus, if you're not married and he's not there to sign paternity, you can't put him on there anyway in some states.

[mammajenn]

So what happened?

I'm in a very similiar situation except that I moved from Southern Cali to Northern California. Dad has lots of money and I'm on state assistance. I'm very interested to know what has happened in the last couple of months. I heard it's to our advantage to be the initiator of the custody case as opposed to the respondent and my Calworks worker said I do not have to give them the father's name because he has threatened me. He's told me to have an abortion, then later says he'd never let his child be raised by someone with my background (pot smoker with druggie parents, but I am 30 and have quit). Please let me know what you have learned! I hope it's worked out well for you!!
Thanks
Jenn