5 year old feels like he's not in contol of himself!

[darien]

Ds went to preK this year. It was his first school experience. I was worried how he would do. He's a "handful" and not usually motivated by praise or threats!

I was very pleasantly surprised when his teachers reported that he was a "model student." He was engaged, compliant, well mannered, etc. This lasted until around January, then I started getting reports.

He started getting in classmates' faces-- being silly, not keeping hands to himself. He would make noises at nap, wiggle at circle, not follow directions. Gentle redirection, time-outs, removal from the group-- nothing seemed to have any effect.

Now, I wasn't pleased, but I wasn't surprised, either. Ds had always been like that outside of school!

Here's the thing-- ds is apparently unhappy about his behavior, but feels like he can't change it.

Over the past few weeks, he has made references to being "evil," and how "someday he will turn good again." He says he "used to be good," but that he's not anymore. "Making good choices is too hard for me!" Tonight at bedtime, he started to cry and said "I want to be the goodest at school, like I used to be, but I don't know how!"

I tried to gently discuss it with him. I said that as people grow and change, some things get easier, but sometimes things get harder for a while. We just have to be patient, and try our best. I reassured him that he is loved, even when he is not on his best behavior. He was not comforted!

He has had some surprising anxiety about death, lately, fwiw. The dc and I left their father in March (we only moved 5 min. away). I'm sure that's affecting him somehow, but the change in his behavior happened several weeks before.

I want to reassure my little guy, and help him be "good" again! How?

[One_Girl]

It sounds like some of this may be coming from the school. That sounds like something he picked up from someone asking him what is going on lately or why the sudden change when he was doing so well. I encourage you to look into what is going on at school more, bring this up with the teacher, and change schools if it doesn't stop. My dd had a similar experience in preschool and most of the problem was the teacher's abrupt approach and her very unrealistic expecatations. In the end she only changed her expectations and the way she was treating my dd because her supervisor got more involved and made her change. I put up with it longer than I should have because things had been going so well and it was such a surprise, but I would not do that again having been through a situation like that once already.

[darien]

Thanks, One Girl!

I forgot to say that his teachers have been awesome. They're excellent teachers, and have a lot of affection for ds. I'm sure that they are putting some "pressure" on ds to shape up, but I also am 99.9% sure that they're doing it in a sensitive and developmentally appropriate manner.

[darien]

bump

[pbjmama]

Have you considered some counseling for him? His life has been a little out of control this year, starting shortly before you separated from his dad.

[lotusdebi]

Have you considered having him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician? If he's not in control of it, it could be sensory issues or something. My 7 year old has high-functioning autism, sensory processing disorder, and probably ADHD, and complains about not being able to control his actions - many of which are similar to what you've described. Natural supplements and going casein-free have made a world of difference in his case.