Taking FOREVER to eat meals -- set limits?

[swd12422]

DS is 2.5 and tiny. We had a tough time getting him on solid food, and I want him to eat as much as possible so he'll grow and be healthy. I do trust him to regulate himself, he's never overeaten to the point of making himself sick, or anything like that. I know that we can play little games to coerce him to eat a few extra bites at meals, but I really don't want to get into that habit. I want him to have control at mealtime.

But here's the issue. Lately, in the morning, I hear DH cajoling him to eat more. I don't interfere, I just don't do that when I'm in charge of the meal. Now I'm realizing that it's b/c DS isn't eating more than a bit or two at breakfast. So maybe he's not hungry, no biggie, he'll get a snack later. But I gave him breakfast this morning, asked him what he wanted. A banana. Okay, here's a banana. Two bites, then no interest. Obviously, I wasn't going to have that be his only breakfast, so I asked what he'd like with it. He said eggs. So I made us some scrambled eggs. Two bites, then no interest. Offered banana. Nope. Had a drink. No more interest in eating. I was ready to be fine with that, if not a little frustrated, but then he asked for something else. Well, no, I'm not a short-order cook. I gave him two things he asked for that would have been a fine breakfast (he normally has cereal and eats lots of grains so I wasn't concerned that there was no grain in the meal). I just knew I'd explode if I got him yet a third thing and he took two bites and refused. So I let him sit there and ate my breakfast. When I was done, I asked if he was done since he hadn't eaten anything in a few minutes. He said yes, so I took the plate. He had a fit. He didn't want me to take the plate, but didn't want to eat.

Frankly, I have things to do! He's had lunches that lasted an hour. If he's eating, that's fine. If he's not, I want to put the food away before it goes bad.

What I ended up doing is setting a timer for 5 minutes and said when it goes off, breakfast is over whether he's eating or not. He seemed concerned, but didn't eat any more. Then told me to take his plate after about 2 minutes.

Did I handle this right? Should I use the audio cue of the timer to signal him that it's time to move on? Just taking his plate at a supposedly arbitrary time feels mean, especially when he protests, but as gentle as I try to be, I just don't have patience for BS, toddler-induced or otherwise. I'm not going to play tug-o-war with the plate. If he says he's done, I take it. I'm not going run back and forth as he protests he wants more, then doesn't eat, then says he's done, then says he wants it....

I know this is typical toddler behavior, but I'm just not going to cater to it. I will try to accommodate when I can, and if he's really going to eat that's fine. It's not like I'm never going to let him change his mind. But there's only 1 mind-change per meal. I try to be gentle, but things like this drive me up a tree and I yell. And I don't want to yell.... Thoughts? Advice?

[an_aurora]

My 3 yo is in this stage as well...it's frustrating. She used to eat like a horse, because she has food allergies that were not diagnosed for awhile, and she wasn't absorbing foods, so she was constantly ravenous. Well since we got those diagnosed and her diet adjusted accordingly, she doesn't eat much.

One thing that I have found works well with her is the muffin tin--I give her a variety of foods in a muffin tin, all separated out. She picks off it all day, at her leisure. She likes to pick out foods in the morning, and when she says she's hungry we'll pull it out and she'll nibble here and there and we'll put it back until lunch time, etc.

[One_Girl]

I think you should try to push back breakfast an hour or so. He may just not be hungry when he first wakes up, this is how my dd and I are. When we get up we have milk and play or read for a while until our stomach wakes up too. I also find that offering food at set meal and snack times is very helpful because dd's body gets hungry at those times and she will eat more than a few bites, less food is wasted, and she is less picky. I also only offer two food choices and they tend to be foods that are easy to save, I used to be more of a short order cook but my willingness to do that has gone down as my dd has grown older.

[CarrieMF]

5 minutes is pretty short. I'd give at least 20. If you have things to do then leave him at the table & go do them.

He may not be hungry. If all he wanted was 2 bites of a banana I'd leave it at that. I wouldn't ask if he wanted anything else, that is contributing to the issue. He may not want anything but feels he's supposed to want more becasue you're asking.

He could keep asking for something becuase he's BORED. My kids tend to do that alot & they're older. When they're off of school I close the kitchen at 9am. If my oldest(11) sleeps in & doesn't get up until 10 or 11 then she can either have something small or wait until dinner.

After dinner they don't get anything else until 3. After that nothing till supper, etc. They have the opportunity to each 5-6 times a day. Some days they eat alot in the morning or hardly anything until supper.

[swd12422]

Just to clarify, he'd already been at the table not eating for at least 10 minutes. Of course if I implement the timer thing he'll have at least 20 minutes to eat his meal, start to finish. I was just giving him a 5-minute warning after having sat there with no action....

And yes, he could be bored. And not ready to eat. I'll try to keep these two things in mind and see if we can adapt his schedule a little.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

We used the muffin tin at that age, too. Provide interesting snacks that can stay out for hours without worry. Its normal for them to graze at that age and be terribly inconsistent about food intake each day.

[AbbieB]

OP, I think you handled the situation beautifully.

I have a 2.5 year old and the looking for food, 2 bites, looking for more food thing happens a lot. DS also has days where he seems to be eating non stop and I get skeptical of him needing more.

I seem to remember DD having a phase like this too at the same age.

I think letting a child self regulate is a good way to go. As they get older they can help themselves to a snack tray, a snack shelf in the pantry or fridge, and choose what items and how much at meal times. Sometimes they will take to much and relise they are not hungry a few bites in. Some days they don't take enough and want seconds. I think it is all part of learning healthy food habits.

[ssh]

My DD, 4.5 years old, takes as long as she wants to eat. If it's dinner and we're all sitting at the table sometimes the rest of us may get up. Most food won't spoil while a toddler or preschooler takes their time eating it. We also used to do a snack tray, but DD can get her snacks herself now so we don't need one. We do let our DD self regulate her food intake.

With a small 2 year old, two bites of 3 different things sounds like a balanced meal. Maybe you should give him really small portions.

[Mama Mko]

I let my kids take however long they want. I just leave them sitting and eating. I also get them snacks throughout the day when they ask for it. I do remind them they have food on their plates if they've wandered away. After it's been out long enough that I think it's gone bad, I toss it. If they ask for something snacky, they can have it.

[ann_of_loxley]

Why not keep the plate out?
I tend to make my son - at that age - lots of snack items (healthy of course! - Bits of fruit, veg, oat cakes, toast with peanut butter, etc) and just leave the plate out all day. (topping up as needed).

Saying that - we don't realy 'do' mealtimes here (we graze! lol). We spend all day with eachother, we go out to eat sometimes and we are home eduactors - so I don't really see 'mealtime at the table' as a way to 'bond' and 'connect' with family... cause we do that all day long! lol

But humans are naturally grazers and do better with many small meals a day. I think babies/toddlers/younger children are much more in tune with their bodies - so the know this instinctivly (its typical toddler behaviour because of that - not because he is trying to manipulate you...I really don't buy that at all tbh!). Which is why they pick and eat little amounts and seem hungry a short while after they have just eaten! Drives you crazy if you live in a world with the mindset of 3 meals a day and a few snacks in between. Cause it really doesn't work for a lot of children I find!

I think its worth a try. You may find you are wasting much less and actually be surprised at how much he will eat this way - cause it all adds up!

Also - are you still bf? - Cause thats pretty great for him as well!

[BetsyS]

I'll just share what works in my family...

We do 3 meals, plus 2 snacks a day. The *routine* is pretty set, but the time isn't. So, depending on when people get hungry, we may eat earlier or later on a specific day, but we always have a mid-morning snack and an afternoon snack.

I ask them to sit down while they eat. This might be at the dining room table, at their kiddie table, or outside. but, it's sitting down, and it's a specific, "it's snack time" sort of thing.

Why? Cause they were making me crazy. My children are so very, very messy. Cherrios can turn into crumbs that are extended from one end of the house to the other, with some of them added to slobber and rubbed into upholstered chairs, you know? There is no such thing as a non-messy snack in my house. They are all messy. And, after awhile, I just couldn't handle the mess anymore. So, now, we sit, we eat, then we wash our hands and faces, and we get up and do something else.

Add to that, at their ages, they can't really get their own snacks. We have a sneaky Jack Russell who would LOVE for me to leave out a snack tray. LOL. But, I don't. Not even in the fridge. Cause my 22 month old would LOVE to feed that sneaky Jack Rusell bites from it all day long. Cause feeding the dog is the best thing going right now. LOL. So, each and every snack requires some prep from me. Having to do that 5 times a day, but really, no more, is much easier for mama.

It makes for much happier mama. Plus, my boys (who are 2 and 4) seem to know that snack time/meal time is coming, and they seem more content about it, without having to ask every 5 minutes for some food.

[mrspineau]

My son does this a lot, asks for things and then after I make it he doesnt want it and asks for something else. The way I pretty much deal with it is, If I have made something, whether its something he has asked for or whether I have decided what the meal was going to be, then that's all I'm making and if he doesn't eat that he'll have to wait until the next meal. And really, its no big deal either way, i figure that if hes hungry than he'll eat it and if hes not then he wont. and as far as time goes, if i had to go and he wasnt eating and wasnt eating then i would take that as a sign that hes just not hungry at that moment and if i took the plate and he freaked out then i would pretty much be like "well you didn't want it so no we have to leave but we will have a snack in a little while okay?" and then ignore any more "fit" behaviour until it stopped.

[mamaofthree]

i would never in 100 years set a timer for my kids and make up some meaningless time that they should be done eating. my parents did that to my brother and i and it honestly led to me over eating because i eat too quickly. it never changed my brothers eating habits (as in he didn't eat faster) but he eats horribly now, i chalk it all up to being forced to eat on someone else's time limit.
your ds is 2.5. that is so young. he may not want to eat a whole bunch of food all at once. so make him a few really small things to eat. if he wants cereal give him about 2 bites worth, split an egg with him, share the banana. give him half a piece of toast, etc.

h

[Skippy918]

My son takes a long time to eat too. He's 21 months. We could be done with dinner, finished cleaning up and DS will still be munching away. If it takes an hour, so be it. He likes his food and always asks for more. He does get distracted while eating. Sometimes he'll put his food in his hair, he'll play with it a bit, then he'll continue eating. As long as he doesn't throw it on the floor, it's okay. He does say done when he's finished. Although tonight, he wanted a third orange, but I knew he was full because he fed me most of the second one.

[mrspineau]

I agree that there's really not much reason to set a time limit at all, unless you have to leave to go somewhere. But, my son is two and if he wants to sit at the table for an hour eating while I'm cleaning up or doing some dishes or something, A OKAY with me!

[swd12422]

Okay, I agree with several PPs that setting a time limit may not be the best thing. Here is why I feel I need to (sometimes, please know that most of the time lunch lasts as long as he wants it to):

Breakfast: DH feeds him breakfast and then takes him in the shower with him. We will never get out of the house if DH leaves him at the table and lets me take over. And he'll never get bathed.

Lunch: Lasts as long as he wants it to, unless we're pushing on the late side for napping.

Dinner: We have a limited amount of time to eat together before we need to walk the dog and then get bedtime started. I know I can leave the table, start clearing and cleaning while he fools around, and I do this at lunch, when he's eating alone. But we eat out/with friends quite a bit, and I don't want him jumping down from the table after 5 minutes b/c he's bored/excited/whatever. When we're out, he's not allowed out of his chair until the meal is over. That's just the way it is, for safety, manners, etc. (And he does really well with it.) At home or at friends' houses, mealtime together means we all sit together until everyone is finished. So if he can't just leave the table when he decides he wants to, why should we be able to do that, just b/c he little and a slow eater?

If I didn't set any limits on how long mealtimes last, I'd never leave the table. Literally. As it is, I wander off during lunch to surf, clean, use the bathroom, and DS yells, "Mommy, come sit!" He wants company, and I don't blame him. I don't like to eat alone either. But it drives me insane to watch him sit and not eat, and not want to be finished, and to feel like I'm cramming food down his throat if I offer to help (which sometimes gets him eating again).