Originally Posted by Mom2GCNJ
My DH is great. The thing is, he doesn't really care all that much about a tidy house. He does what he does to keep my head from blowing off - that feels like enough for him. The steady simmer the builds up in me over time doesn't matter to him - until I'm ready to blow. Also, he hasn't been hard wired to think of our untidy house as the embodiment of a character defect like I apparently was in my youth. He just says "Well it is a little house and we are busy and we have little kids so...."
I think you need to emulate your dh. Seriously.
My dh is the same, and I used to get so frustrated/furious at always picking up the house. Every day, evry hour. And I homeschool my 3 kids, so there's no window when I have hours to fix it al up.
And after years of being mad and crying etc and dh saying he understands but literally, like yours, cannot do more, I clicked into logic.
I'm here to be with my kids. That's the ultimate thing. So today, for example, there are train sets all over the livingrom, pillows askew, blankets on the floor, snacks on the table . . . and we are all cozing watching the FIFA games. I've learned not to 'see' it, like dh does. and not to feel judged or judge myself. I don't have loads of folks over. I have the few friends who get it, who get me, and who enjoy our company, not the state of our house, and we have them over.
My eldest is almost 10, and I've spent his entire life ignoring him to clean our house, which just gets messy again, and can get tidied eventually, when needed. And like you, 5 people, 2 bedrooms. nd we do de-clutter. but that's all beside the point.
It's about being with them. You know it, and want it. so you need to heal the part of you that thinks the other stuff matters. it doesn't. the *people* in your home do matter. And they'd love more time with you.