Bedtime suddenly takes an HOUR?!?

[swd12422]

DS is 2.5 (okay, so I know I just answered my own question...) and has always been very routine-oriented. When he was a baby, bedtime had to be a certain way or he wouldn't fall asleep, and as he grew, he changed the routine bit by bit and has always called the shots, so to speak. By that I mean that he determines the amount of time spent snuggling in the chair before he's ready to get into bed (he never took longer than I was willing to spend, so no issues there), if he wants to read before tddthbrushing, we do that sometimes, if he decides he wants Daddy to stay with him, he gets it.

We've always been relatively flexible b/c he's never tried to delay too much. We do set limits, like number of books or songs we do before we have to be quiet and sleep, or when it's time to start getting ready. It's generally the same time every night, and has always taken about a half hour (sometimes less if he's not in the mood for snuggling).

Now he's becoming a nightmare. The general routine is fine. He doesn't fight teethbrushing or anything. When it's time for lights-out, I usually lie down with him and sing/snuggle and sort of help him unwind til he's ready to fall asleep. I don't always stay til he's asleep, but I do sometimes take a little nap...

If I'm in there, he wants DH. We comply, b/c usually that's all it takes. But lately he's changing his mind again and after DH takes over he immediately says he wants me. He also says he doesn't want to lie down, he wants to stay out and watch TV with us, etc.

I'm ready to scream. How do you stay calm and redirect to the task at hand? When he says he wants to watch TV, I offer him the options of crib alone, or bed (in his room) with Mommy. He chooses TV. He's not quite getting the limited choices thing yet, so now what?

[Thalia]

This happened to us at 2.5 years, and what we ended up doing was dropping DD's nap. I didn't think she could possibly be ready, as she was still napping for 1 to 2 hours a day, but I talked to lots of people IRL and online, and found that LOTS of kids actually do fine dropping their nap at 2. Our family doctor said it was fine as long as she was averaging 10-14 hours of sleep at night.

So we tried it. She was cranky in the afternoons for the first couple of weeks, and very tired, but she adjusted well and now does just fine during the day. She almost always sleeps for 12 hours now, usually 6:30 PM to 6:30 AM, and falling asleep takes 10 minutes instead of two hours. We do have to be careful now to make sure that she DOESN'T nap, because then she can't fall asleep until 10 PM. Riding in the car or stroller causes her to drift off, so we try to keep up a lively conversation if we have to do that late in the day for some reason.

After we figured all this out, my MIL told me that DH dropped his nap right at 24 mos, and his sister dropped hers at 18 mos. So maybe it's genetic!

[swd12422]

You know, I was starting to think that he was getting ready to dro his nap, but he's sleeping 3-4 hours in the afternoon. Last week his naps were much shorter (like 1.5-2.5 hours) and I thought that would be the first step in moving toward no naps. But now he's back to the marathons, so it just doesn't seem like he could be ready to drop them. They were also moving later and later, so maybe I will have to suck it up and just move the nap later again until it's more like early bedtime.

And I don't know if this matters, but it seems like if he gets to bed a lot later than usual, he doesn't sleep any later than normal. He's always been that way, up by 630 no matter if he fell asleep at 7 or 930 or anything in between. So obviously I'm concerned about cutting out his nap altogether. (And I really need my alone time in the afternoon, so I'm feeling a little selfish resistance to cutting it out and need some objectivity!)

[lisavark]

Don't drop the nap, but move it earlier. I'm pretty sure that at this age most kids need to be up for 5 or 6 hours before they sleep again, so if he's napping til 4 or 5, then that will make it hard for him to go to sleep at bedtime. When does he usually fall asleep for nap? Can you move it earlier if you want to? Or try just waking him up after 2 hours, and making sure he's always up by 3 at the latest (or 4, depending on what he normally does and what seems reasonable to you based on his previous schedule--my daughter has to be up by 3 or she won't fall asleep again till 11, but she doesn't believe in sleep and never has ).

[swd12422]

Someone else mentioned to me to wake him after a couple of hours, and I'm so not ready to do that, but I may have to try. He's generally pretty darned grumpy if you wake him up, but I'll start with moving naptime earlier and then see how it goes. (When his naps were shorter last week, they had started earlier, so maybe that's the key... Earlier and shorter?)

I just don't want the yelling that was starting to become part of the routine. Last night, we had no yelling, but I fell asleep with him and missed out on the entire evening with DH. That's preferable to yelling and stress, but I don't want that to be an every night thing. We see each other so little as it is!

[Thalia]

Definitely try doing naps earlier and see what happens. Before DD dropped her nap, she would go down for a nap at 11:00 AM, after waking around 6:30 AM or 7:00 AM, and sleep for a couple of hours. For a long time she'd do this and go to bed around 8 or 8:30 PM. It was only after she was still having trouble getting to sleep, even with the early nap, that we moved to no naps.

[SpuglyRoo]

I know my DS needs to be up from his nap by 3 at the latest (earlier would probably help with bedtime, but I'm 8 months pregnant and need the time to lay down myself ). When I first started waking him up from his naps he would seriously grow horns and turn into such a beast, until I started making sure that he had a snack and drink IMMEDIATELY upon waking up (I have it out and ready before I wake him). It isn't much some times, and he occasionally would rather read a book before he eats it but it has helped a lot. Might be something to consider?