This is what my sister-in-law (my husband's brother's wife) said to me a couple days ago when I was dropping off my dd for a visit and dd wanted nummies before I left. (dd is nearly 25 mo) I was really caught off guard by the remark and the tone of her voice sounded almost angry, as if I, or my dd, were doing something wrong. I wish I had remained composed and simply said something like, that's ok this works for us and moved on. But I didn't, I felt flushed and stuttered and said, no she isn't. To which SIL replied, yes she is, she is doing it for security, that's ALL it is. Me: well, yes and no... at that point I've got my dd on my lap and just turned to her and asked if she still wanted nummies and proceeded to nurse, at dd's request, and SIL leaves the room. Her two children are there still, her 6 yo son sitting next to us, which was lovely, but I still felt so unsettled and hurt and alone. SIL didn't know that dd hadn't completely finished her post-nap nummies before we arrived and I'd told dd she could have nummies at their house before I left her with them. Not that it likely would have made any difference if my SIL had known that.
My SIL and BIL take a more authoritarian and controlling approach to their kids. I think that's why she believes my dd is just manipulating me. I don't believe she's current on breastfeeding research or information, especially not on breastfeeding a toddler. She breastfed each of her kids for about 9 mos, which is great IMO, but she did so on a schedule and made some pointed remarks when dd was newborn to 3 months about how babies only nurse every 3 hours (I was responding to a question from someone else about how often dd nursed at the time, which for us was every 1-2 hours and generally 45-60 minutes at a time). I really don't want to engage her in this, but don't want to be defending myself and dd's breastfeeding relationship either.
Thankfully I haven't really had any negative breastfeeding experiences yet but I'm not great at handling unexpected criticism like that and it bugs me that this is bothering me so much. I wish I could just let it roll off, but it's hard because it's family and we interact from time to time and I frankly can't believe she threw that out there like that. I guess because I haven't said anything to her about their interactions with their kids and I wouldn't- that's their business IMO. I can only guess that maybe it comes from a place of guilt for her? Or maybe from her belief that children are manipulative?
At any rate, I'd been feeling more nervous lately about continuing to breastfeed anyway, even though I want dd to lead the way in weaning. But it just feels so lonely out here now we've past the 2 year mark and it's a little scary in a way. Plus I've gone all this way and not connected with others in my local community who are liked-minded. I should have already and if anything, this has motivated me to do so now. I never even went to an LLL meeting or anything. I suppose that's the positive side of her remarks. It motivated me to seek out more information and I ended up reading this article about breastfeeding older children that completely reaffirmed for me why I'm still nursing my dd. And I'm determined now to connect with other parents locally and start building our support community.
It's just hard right at this moment because I feel alone. None of our friends from before having kids have made the choices we have, and I feel us drifting apart. I suspect most of them think I'm nuts, but my dd matters most. Thankfully, my dh is very supportive. His response when I told him, was, So what if it's *just* for security? Doesn't that count as a need?
I also wish I was a more confident parent so I could stand up for my daughter better, although I don't think it would have done any good to engage my SIL in this and I don't want to do that, but I feel my dd deserves better than a flimsy response like the one I gave. I don't think I want to bring it up with SIL either, but on the other hand I would kind of like her to know there was a clear boundary there that she crossed and that it is not acceptable to me.
I treasure my nursing relationship with dd, challenges and all. I believe it's a primary reason we are so close and I feel I know her so well. I hate that I feel nervous in front of someone like my SIL and I don't feel I'm the same with my dd in front of her as I am at home. I don't want to not nurse dd when she needs to just because we around someone who might not approve, but it felt very uncomfortable. Dd didn't nurse for very long (and I knew she wouldn't, sometimes it like she just needs a little sip and then she's good).
How would you handle this situation? I need hugs...
ETA: Sorry this is soooo long
My SIL and BIL take a more authoritarian and controlling approach to their kids. I think that's why she believes my dd is just manipulating me. I don't believe she's current on breastfeeding research or information, especially not on breastfeeding a toddler. She breastfed each of her kids for about 9 mos, which is great IMO, but she did so on a schedule and made some pointed remarks when dd was newborn to 3 months about how babies only nurse every 3 hours (I was responding to a question from someone else about how often dd nursed at the time, which for us was every 1-2 hours and generally 45-60 minutes at a time). I really don't want to engage her in this, but don't want to be defending myself and dd's breastfeeding relationship either.
Thankfully I haven't really had any negative breastfeeding experiences yet but I'm not great at handling unexpected criticism like that and it bugs me that this is bothering me so much. I wish I could just let it roll off, but it's hard because it's family and we interact from time to time and I frankly can't believe she threw that out there like that. I guess because I haven't said anything to her about their interactions with their kids and I wouldn't- that's their business IMO. I can only guess that maybe it comes from a place of guilt for her? Or maybe from her belief that children are manipulative?
At any rate, I'd been feeling more nervous lately about continuing to breastfeed anyway, even though I want dd to lead the way in weaning. But it just feels so lonely out here now we've past the 2 year mark and it's a little scary in a way. Plus I've gone all this way and not connected with others in my local community who are liked-minded. I should have already and if anything, this has motivated me to do so now. I never even went to an LLL meeting or anything. I suppose that's the positive side of her remarks. It motivated me to seek out more information and I ended up reading this article about breastfeeding older children that completely reaffirmed for me why I'm still nursing my dd. And I'm determined now to connect with other parents locally and start building our support community.
It's just hard right at this moment because I feel alone. None of our friends from before having kids have made the choices we have, and I feel us drifting apart. I suspect most of them think I'm nuts, but my dd matters most. Thankfully, my dh is very supportive. His response when I told him, was, So what if it's *just* for security? Doesn't that count as a need?
I also wish I was a more confident parent so I could stand up for my daughter better, although I don't think it would have done any good to engage my SIL in this and I don't want to do that, but I feel my dd deserves better than a flimsy response like the one I gave. I don't think I want to bring it up with SIL either, but on the other hand I would kind of like her to know there was a clear boundary there that she crossed and that it is not acceptable to me.
I treasure my nursing relationship with dd, challenges and all. I believe it's a primary reason we are so close and I feel I know her so well. I hate that I feel nervous in front of someone like my SIL and I don't feel I'm the same with my dd in front of her as I am at home. I don't want to not nurse dd when she needs to just because we around someone who might not approve, but it felt very uncomfortable. Dd didn't nurse for very long (and I knew she wouldn't, sometimes it like she just needs a little sip and then she's good).
How would you handle this situation? I need hugs...
ETA: Sorry this is soooo long
s mama! i think you did just fine in how you handled the situation. you were caught off guard by her comment. what more could you do?
for you for still giving DD her nummies and not backing down on that front! 
Children need security, besides that security is NOT the only thing they do it for, it's so much more.
You handled the situation beautifully by continuing to bf! That took guts but was the only reasonable response. My baby is only 9 months old so I haven't really been confronted about extended bf-ing. But I think when it happens, I'll say, "we're happy with the choices we've made," and leave the other person to respond as they wish. You don't have to defend your choices to any one! I understand the urge to educate. I think sometimes the best way to do that is to be a good example.
It is hard ignoring her since we see them at least once or twice a month. And thank you for mentioning about me going ahead and nursing her anyway- you know at the time I didn't even think about it. I never feel like it's a choice, if dd needs to nurse, she needs to nurse, period. YKWIM? But it's so nice when someone else points out something positive I did 
How's your week been going? I swear your kids get bigger each time we see you."
