"She's just doing it for security you know" - Page 2

[lisavark]

Originally Posted by bcblondie

Are you still nursing?
It's her turn, you'll have to wait in line!

That. is. awesome.

I'd like to use it but not sure I'll have the guts...

But my go-to response is the puzzled stare, the one where you look at the questioner as if she has three heads. "Yeah...so? Don't you ever pick your kids up or cuddle them when they need comfort? That's just for security--but without the nutritional and immunological side benefits that breastfeeding has."

I've memorized a few statistics so well that I can rattle them off now even when I'm shocked and taken off guard. My favorites:

* The WHO recommends nursing till a minumum of age two.
* The average age of weaning worldwide is between the ages of two and four.
* The biological age of weaning is between the ages of five and seven.

And OP, if I were you, I would bring it up again and gently try to educate your SIL a little. At the very least to educate her about the fact that you want to keep your relationship with her positive and that her comment bothered you, and you'd appreciate it if she would try to avoid statements that undermine your parenting decisions--just as you try to avoid judging or making comments about HER parenting decisions. You are both moms, and you both know what is best for YOUR family. You are both following your instincts and making your own decisions, and neither of you has any call to do or say anything that undermines the other.

[mokey4]

I agree with everyone- you did great! And you really don't need to engage on this if you don't want to, but it's nice to have a good comeback line prepared for future use.

I live in an area with a lot of natural & AP-oriented families, but even so I find myself in disagreement with mainstream parenting that I come across all over the place, which can be awkward at times. I've found that even though I like my mainstream friends (who all weaned by one year old), I still really need the support of the more like-minded AP community. I found them on meetup.com- you could take a look at that website and see if there's an AP group in your community.

[rlmueller]

And so what if she is

Of course our breasts are for the security and comfort of our children! Forgive me for thumping but be comforted in the fact that it is right and good to use our breasts for more than food.

Psalms:
Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts.

Isaiah:
Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her; that you may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that you may drink deeply with delight from her glorious abundance.” For thus says the Lord: “Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

Song of Soloman
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

[spu]

i get that about my 2.5 year old all the time little do they know, my 3.5 yo still nurses (and it's not empty!)

i like what pp said:
"And I'm happy I can provide her the security she craves!..." Big grin. "...So, more bean dip?"

"works for us" is a great simple way, and non-engaging.

sometimes, i say, 'with all the health issues in our backgrounds, i want to give them as much ammunition as possible' and you can go on to describe diabetes, cancer, anything...

[GoJoJo]

your SIL has a twin

I have a friend from college, DF, that I've known for 15 years (I was in her wedding kind of friend) and she sounds a lot like your SIL - kind of a bossy-pants.

When DD was 4 weeks old or so, DF came over to visit and I had managed to put baby down in a bassinet while asleep (she spent a total of 5 hours in it, ever, b/c she was/is high-needs). We were talking and DD made little fuss noises, so I started to get up and DF said 'let her settle.' I am so embarrassed of this - I sat back down! Looking back, like you, I was so caught off guard by her telling me how to react to MY baby! It's just crazy.

Now I shore up my defenses before I see DF, in case I need to defend my choices or just overall react in a way that I won't be irritated with myself for later. DF pulled that 'she's just nursing for comfort' thing the last time I went over to her house (DD is 18mos) and I said ' oh, that's a nice way to put it!' Which it really is - what can be bad about comfort?

A PP said something about not judging each others parenting choices, but it's so hard. DF has a DD 2 yrs older than mine and made a lot of choices I don't agree with, like she encourages RAMPANT materialism and all-day TV. And she just had her premature DS, born at 33.5 weeks, circumcized (sp?) at 36 weeks. I heartily disagree with that - cried when she told me - but what can you do. I don't want her to feel like a crappy mom, either.