It's not a show, people!

[Funny Face]

Just when I thought my mom was finally starting to understand and respect my feelings about birth.

My mom is uncomfortable with the fact that since my older brother has met and moved in with his new girlfriend that they aren't around much, even though it's by their choice. They are no call/no show to holidays and too busy to do X and live too far away to see any of the family regularly. That's their prerogative.

Just recently they were out of town when my nephew was born and didn't get a signal on the cell to hear the news when it happened. So what.

So my mom tells me the other day that it's our job to make them feel a part of this family and to 'draw them in' and then asks me to have my brother's girlfriend at my homebirth because she would so 'love that' and it would make her feel like part of the family.

WHA?!?!?!

I love my mom, she's one of my best friends but seriously! Have you lost your mind?

I didn't have ANYONE at my last labor and my husband called my mom at the last minute to come right as the baby was born and I thought THAT was gracious. She was very respectful and it went well so I was planning on doing the same thing this time but if she thinks birth is some kind of spectator sport I'm having second thoughts!

My birth is not an opportunity to welcome anyone 'into our family' other than my baby! It's a private and sacred event to me and I'm not open to being observed because people love a special event.

I can't believe it.

I know that lots of people feel entitled to be included in the birth of a baby and see it as a community event but I THOUGHT my mom was finally starting to understand that I do not feel that way.

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

Did you not get the memo, birth IS a spectator sport, spectators bring their own popcorn

in all seriousness though this is your birth and who you have and don't have is your decision only your mum needs to respect this.

[Earthy Mama]

Ugh-I have quite a few people asking to be present during the birth. I am a VERY private person by nature and really don't want anyone there other than dp.

[Climbergirl]

Wait, people ASK to be at YOUR child's birth? Wouldn't that be similar to asking to be invited to a party?

That blows me away. I would never in a million years ASK to be at someone's birth. If I was invited, then I would feel extremely honored. I was once invited to a friend's birth, and I was pretty excited. She ended up not calling anyone to come, which was perfectly fine, it was her birth and she knew I would come if she needed me.

Good grief!

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by Climbergirl

Wait, people ASK to be at YOUR child's birth? Wouldn't that be similar to asking to be invited to a party?

That blows me away. I would never in a million years ASK to be at someone's birth. If I was invited, then I would feel extremely honored. I was once invited to a friend's birth, and I was pretty excited. She ended up not calling anyone to come, which was perfectly fine, it was her birth and she knew I would come if she needed me.

Good grief!

No, no. People weren't asking to be at my birth, they were asking if OTHER people could be at my birth.

My mom has said that she's going to invite people over to her house to wait while I'm in labor... except I never tell anyone when I go into labor (except my mom in the past because she was watching my kids) and I certainly don't want them showing up at my house after baby is born.

I thought she understood by now. I am very private in general and equally so about my birth.

[broodymama]

Wow! Yeah, that's definitely NOT something I would be comfortable with either! Holy boundary issues, batman.

And why would she invite people over to her house while you're in labor? That sounds like she'd be inviting them over to your house as soon as she heard the babe was born! Have you thought about having someone else watch your kids?

My family gets a call after the baby is born and we're all cleaned up, snuggled in, baby has nursed, I've eaten, midwife has left and we're resting comfortably. (Except when DH forgot to call his parents until the next day one time.) I figure that should be good enough.

[finnegansmom]

Originally Posted by Funny Face

No, no. People weren't asking to be at my birth, they were asking if OTHER people could be at my birth.

My mom has said that she's going to invite people over to her house to wait while I'm in labor... except I never tell anyone when I go into labor (except my mom in the past because she was watching my kids) and I certainly don't want them showing up at my house after baby is born.

I thought she understood by now. I am very private in general and equally so about my birth.

Sounds like she is throwing a superbowl party...

to you for having to go through this. I just wouldn't tell anyone I was in labor. Maybe an understanding friend or doula can watch your kids for you?

[annablue]

Wow! Many people do seem to feel entitled to be present at a birth, as if it's some party or a "family affair." I feel the same as you - I'd be uncomfortable with a bunch of people hanging around watching me, like I'm some kind of entertainment.

[Funny Face]

I like the idea that her viewing my vagina is some sort of official welcome into the family????

Originally Posted by finnegansmom

Sounds like she is throwing a superbowl party...

to you for having to go through this. I just wouldn't tell anyone I was in labor. Maybe an understanding friend or doula can watch your kids for you?

She has some weird idea that since people get to wait at the hospital while other moms are in labor (do people actually LIKE doing that? How boring.:yawning ) that they should have the privilege of waiting together. The thing is that my brother and his girlfriend didn't even come see my last child for weeks, nor have they showed up to other family events so I don't know why she thinks they're going to sit around at her house for a 'waiting party'.

I should be mean and have false labor several times, drop the kids off at her house and then come get them again 5 or 6 hours later. They'd be sick of it by then for sure!

[COgirl19]

That is ridiculous! My parents "may" be in town for the birth visiting and my mom automatically assumed that she would be in the delivery room. Um...NO. My in-laws thought the same thing last time and I kicked them out (luckily I have very understanding in-laws who took it just fine).

Your birth, no one elses. I would not call anyone when you went into labor. I would just call after you are settled in and say it was so intense so you just "forgot".

[welsh]

Just

[Snugglebugmom]

I plan on selling tickets. There will be a small concession stand right outside the door with extremely overpriced, greasy food items. And for ten bucks spectators can have their picture taken with the new arrival.

What is wrong with some people?! I tell ya, if MIL or SIL ever came up with an idea so asinine, my politeness would go right out the window and the reply would be a mere "helllllll no"!

[dannic]

Originally Posted by Funny Face

No, no. People weren't asking to be at my birth, they were asking if OTHER people could be at my birth.

My mom has said that she's going to invite people over to her house to wait while I'm in labor... except I never tell anyone when I go into labor (except my mom in the past because she was watching my kids) and I certainly don't want them showing up at my house after baby is born.

I thought she understood by now. I am very private in general and equally so about my birth.

This would make me extremely uncomfortable....like they're going to show up at your door the minute they get news babe's here. I'm trying to figure out a way to not let people visit for a week or two this time. Sheesh.

[Baby~Braatens~Mama]

Originally Posted by Earthy Mama

Ugh-I have quite a few people asking to be present during the birth. I am a VERY private person by nature and really don't want anyone there other than dp.

I feel EXACTLY the same way!

Hang in there! I am sure that things will work out the way you prefer. After all, it is your baby and your birth experience. Did you tell your mother how you feel? How does she know your brothers girl would like to be there? I really don't understand some people and the way they think!

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by Snugglebugmom

I plan on selling tickets. There will be a small concession stand right outside the door with extremely overpriced, greasy food items. And for ten bucks spectators can have their picture taken with the new arrival.

At least they are paying then and don't expect a free ride!

Originally Posted by Baby~Braatens~Mama

Hang in there! I am sure that things will work out the way you prefer. After all, it is your baby and your birth experience. Did you tell your mother how you feel? How does she know your brothers girl would like to be there? I really don't understand some people and the way they think!

She thinks brother's girlfriend would love it since when they missed my nephew's birth she said she was so sorry and that she loved being 'in the middle of all of that.' I don't think there is anything wrong with loving being part of the arrival of a new baby into this world- who doesn't love it? But it is also to be respected and allowing people to attend to make them 'feel loved' is not on my agenda.

At the time I told her no and then she kept pushing so I told her I would think about it just to get her to leave me alone. I have no problem telling her that I thought about it and that there is no way I would feel comfortable with that.

My husband called my ILs after my last birth to tell them he was here and they showed up in my bedroom 2 hours later. THAT ain't happening this time either.

[FurElise19]

I'm dealing with this right now. I just want to have my doula and my husband there. I love my mom, but she's really high maintenance, and she wants to be holding my hand. I'm not a hand holding person. I'd be welcome to advice on how to deal with her.

[northcountrymamma]

I am so grateful to see this thread...my mom is also asking to be at this birth and I'm very skeptical that it would be a good thing that she be there.

It seems so odd to ASK to be at someone's birth...I can't imagine ever saying that to someone..."you know I would really like it if you would invite me and my family to watch you give birth" Com'on people, it's giving birth.

My mom has been asking since before I even conceived. She is so up in arms that she has never seen a natural birth, and missed dd's birth (we were in a different country), but I keep telling her that it's not my responsibility to ensure she sees one. That it is my responsibility to ensure I am able to give birth in the best way I am able.

I would really like to only have dp, midwives (2), doula and our best friend there (to watch dd). I just can't imagine there even being really *space* for anyone else.

[MaerynPearl]

That really sounds horrible... my soon to be SIL and I talk a lot about the pregnancy, including stuff I would normally only share at MDC... we are very open about it all. She is supportive of my choices and she knows when she gets pregnant again I am behind her 100% on her attempt at a VBAC (her own choice, I didn't even have to try to convince her to want one!) I still would be severely uncomfortable with her even at my house the day the baby comes. Shes a nice lady, I like her good enough, but that is REALLY really really REALLY really personal. I mean... its like the most personal thing I go through, considering it involves nudity, pain and parent-child bonding.

I had my mom at my first... I wish I had had her at my second as the father was less than supportive at either and my mother was extremely supportive.

This time I am positive my daughters father will be extremely supportive and active (seriously, hes reading hypnobabies right along with me, isnt that crazy?) so I dont feel like i need any other support.

the other two children may or may not be present at the house but likely not at the birth. if they are at the house one of my best friends will be taking care of them for me. If they are not, they will be with another friend and her children who live just a few miles away and will come home after I get a bath.

[Beltane]

That's CRAZY!

I have had two people ask to be at my homebirth already (due in August). It feels so funny to me! This is my first baby and I really don't want anyone else around except the folks that need to be there - DH and the midwife. In a way, I'm glad this was posted so I now know that other people are going through the same thing. Good grief!

[VillageMom6]

Man, oh man!

Anyone remember reading about the "good ol' days" when not even husbands were allowed in the room with the mother?

Yeah, I'm glad that we've moved beyond that... but did it really need to go this far?? We became "allowed" to have anyone we want present but now we're expected to have everyone present???

I would never, ever in a gazillion years expect to be present at anyone's birth.

You know a nice opportunity for bonding with your brother's girlfriend? Coffee. Going to a movie.

Sometimes I long to return to the Victorian standards of modesty and PRIVACY!!