It's not a show, people! - Page 2

[RedOakMomma]

Nothing to add really...but in my case it's my husband that loves the privacy of the moment. I asked if I could invite a friend (I've attended two of her births), and he nicely said that he'd prefer it was just us. Know what? If that's what you want honey, then that's what we'll do. I think the wishes of the mom, and then the parents, are the only things that should be considered. It's not a public moment.

SIL?? To promote bonding??? Uh.....no. Your mom needs to find another event to get the SIL thing going. Your birth should not be part strategy.

(And yeah...we're probably going to call the ILs and 'Rentals only after the baby is born.)

[MamaChicken]

Okay, I'll be the oddball. The only part of it I would be uncomfortable with was the pushy attitude. I had a room full of people at DS1's birth -including a sister and a friend playing poker on the floor by my bed. Birth isn't the private, exclusive event to everyone. I considered it a spectator sport, as long as the fans were cheering for me!

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by MamaChicken

Okay, I'll be the oddball. The only part of it I would be uncomfortable with was the pushy attitude. I had a room full of people at DS1's birth -including a sister and a friend playing poker on the floor by my bed. Birth isn't the private, exclusive event to everyone. I considered it a spectator sport, as long as the fans were cheering for me!

And I don't think it should be an exclusive event for everyone. I definitely think that some people enjoy being surrounded by people and cheered on.

I like privacy and I like it mostly because people have proven to be unsupportive or distracting or oblivious during my previous births. My mom knows this about me (or I thought she did ).

We don't find out the sex of the baby or even tell people our name ideas because everyone acted so entitled and were so rude about things in the past. They don't meant to but they are just oblivious that this is my pregnancy and birth and their feelings about it don't factor into my decision making.

I don't even really know his girlfriend very well and if I were going to have anyone at my birth it would be someone I know well and want their because they have been a big part of my life.

[HeatherB]

Wowsa. We don't even tell anyone when I'm in labor anymore. Okay, not *no one*, but only people with very strict direction to NOT tell anyone else. I *hate* the feeling that people are waiting for me, like I'm performing or something. And that's not even with them anywhere near by. I can't imagine knowing that there's a house full of people waiting on me to get on with it and get the baby out!

And your brother's GIRLFRIEND? Seriously. If she were your brother's wife and a really close friend of yours, maybe you'd want her there. But it sounds like they've been very aloof, so there's not even an opportunity for you to build a relationship there.

I am finding it a bit funny that while my sister has never been to one of my births, that I'm convinced when it's her turn that I'll fly to Chicago (she moved there when she married last summer) and be there for the birth, perhaps as a doula or at least some sort of support. I have NO idea if she wants that - and she's not nearly pg yet - but I am very passionate about birth and really would love to be there for her. Yet, I'm totally happy with having no one else at my own.

[dogretro]

Were you there for the conception? What? You weren't? Oh, well then I guess you don't need to be there for the birth, either! That's pretty much how I feel about it, haha!

My mom knew I was in labor b/c I called her to pick up dd1 & some friends knew b/c I posted it on facebook, but that was it (I did not have many fb friends at the time & they are all real life friends). It was our event, not anyone else's. It's actually pretty irritating that there were nurses who I didn't know who got to see dd2 be born, but whatever. Better a random nurse see my hoo-ha than my close friends!

[StarMama]

This reminds me of the brainstorming I need to do this time around to avoid having my MIL at this birth. She was present at both my prior births, and really I didn't mind having just her there, but BOTH births before I delivered the placenta she was calling in her sons and husband! The last thing in the world I wanted was for all the people *outside* of the room to be invited in when I'm spread eagle up on stirups with bright lights on my crotch thank you very much!

And she's the type who will be obsessively stalking me around birth time too, calling and stopping by randomly to "say hi"... so hard to just *avoid* her there!

[peainthepod]

Yikes! That is so not okay. Your mom needs to understand that your birth is not something she can use to try and bond with your brother and SIL.

When I go into labor, we call the doula and midwife and then the phones are turned off, computers are shut down, and we don't answer the door. Once the baby is born and I'm all cleaned up and cozy in bed, having showered and eaten and relaxed for a few hours with the baby and DH, we might consider calling a few select people to let them know how it went and when they can visit. Having people just show up would be unacceptable to me.

Hope you can put some boundaries down with your mom, OP. You have every right to your privacy.

[St. Margaret]

UGH Just

My ILs apparently just LOVE waiting around the hospital for babies to be born. DH mistakenly let them know we were going and they showed up... TG DH knew well enough to make them wait well outside and not let me know they were there. I would have ROARED them outta there As it was, I feel so betrayed they didn't respect my wishes. It is SO not about them. It's just SO WIERD to me!

This time NO ONE gets a call about labor until after I am holding my baby. We were just talking about hiring our old doula for watching DD, so no need for family one bit. I will call my own mom as soon as I like, she'll probably be 500 miles away unless somehow the timing works out and we tell her to get on a plane... but she's an old LLL leader and her being there would be a blessing. NO ONE ELSE until after I've had my cozy time for several hours at least.