How to teach table manners to 7yo

[MtBikeLover]

My 7yo's table manners are absolutely non-existant. It is awful for the rest of us to watch him eat and he has to change clothes after every meal. Plus, there is more food on the table and floor around him than I think ever makes it into his mouth.

Does anyone have some good tips on how to teach him table manners? I've been doing the gentle reminders now for years, but it isn't working. Today was the last straw when he had just wiped egg yolk all over a very clean, white shirt after we had talked yesterday about using clothes as napkins. I lost it!

Here is what I need to work on with him:

1 - Chewing with mouth open
2 - Shoving food in mouth
3 - Using clothes as napkins
4 - Using his hands to scoop food up
5 - Holding utensils correctly

We are going on vacation next week so I will be able to eat every meal with him and try to help him with this. I'd like to find a fun, playful parenting way of helping him so that neither of us get frustrated.

Any advice for me?

[jillmamma]

I would pick one or two of those things and focus on that first. Once he gets that down and remembers to do it, then work on something else. Otherwise, I find with my kids that they get frustrated and overwhelmed by trying to remember it all and then very resistant to doing anything different.

I would probably pick using a napkin instead of clothes and using utensils instead of hands. Once he actually USES the utensils, then work on getting him to hold them better. To help get more in him and less on the floor/table I try to direct my kids to hold their mouths over their plate/bowl to eat (especially stuff like rice and beans or oatmeal).

One suggestion for the clothes as napkins...give him an option where he can either put a napkin on his lap and use that, or he will need to wear a bib. Frame it as what he is doing now is not working very well for you as it greatly increases your workload with having to try and get out stains and extra laundry. If it helps, my 7 year old still sometimes does this too just because he forgets.

Good luck!

[LynnS6]

I agree with focusing on utensils (and not hands) and using a napkin. I'd also focus on getting him to sit up straight while he eats. If he's not hunched over the plate, it's harder to shovel food in, and it makes using a utensil make more sense. My suspicion is that if he eats with his utensils and not his hands, he'll have to slow down.

How does he respond to competition? Bribery? This sort of 'habit formation' is one area where I'm OK with bribery.

So, thinking playfully, you could challenge him not to drop more than X number of things on the table or floor. Can you pretend that you're royalty, and challenge him one meal to sit up very tall and eat like a king? (Just don't tell him that medieval kings at mostly with their fingers and a knife!)

Or you could challenge him to not ever touch the food with his hands, even once? (If you're into bribery, you could set out 10 jelly beans or something and each time he touches his food with his hands, he loses a jelly bean.)

At home, quite honestly, I'd also have him help sweep up the floor and wipe down the table after meals when he's been sloppy. I'd also have him help with the laundry.

My mother used to recite this poem to us when our manners were getting lax. It was a good reminder of basic manners.

The Goops

by Gillette Burgess

The Goops they lick their fingers
And the Goops they lick their knives:
They spill their froth on the tablecloth
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew;
And that is why I'm glad that I
Am not a Goop, are you?

[One_Girl]

Have you asked him why he does this? If you have been talking to him about it and modeling for several years then he should know the expectations so asking him what his solution is (not at dinner time) may help because he will have ownership of the situation. I noticed that my dd's manners nose dived this year and I targeted the ones that were really annoying first (for me that is noise making ones) then we slowly worked on the other ones. Two things helped her want to have manners though; her friend with good manners ate over and told her off for bad manners and her friend with disgusting manners came over and grossed her out. These things happened naturally and weren't things I encouraged, but they helped big time.

[MtBikeLover]

Thanks everyone!

That is great advice to pick one thing at a time. He actually responds very well to incentives (aka bribery!). And I love the idea of the royalty and getting him to sit up straighter.

Last night, I suggested he start with 10 bracelets (those popular stretchy bracelets that the kids love now!). He loves money more than anything in the world and is always asking how he can make more so I figured that would be his incentive. If he uses his clothes as a napkin during anytime in the meal, then he has to give me one bracelet. I figured that I would allow for a few mishaps to keep him motivated so if he ends up with at least 8 at the end of the day, he would get 50 cents. He asked what he would get if he had all 10 and I said $1.

He was pretty excited about this.

I've tried having him clean his own clothes to which he replied "this is easy peasy". And he already helps clean up after dinner so I don't think natural consequences are going to work.

One_girl - That is great advice to ask him why he does it.