Are these normal pregnancy hormone related feelings? - Page 2

[HaikuMommy]

kb444, I really feel your pain. I have always HATED feeling trapped, and it sounds like you feel very trapped by your situation. Kind of like if someone gave me a ride to a party, but then got mad at me and left me there. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the party for feeling like I was trapped there and had no choices available to me - I would immediately start trying to figure out how I was going to get home. So if even if your man is a "party," even if he is a great guy, the fact that you feel like you have no other options but to be with him may be making you want to run away.

I think this is one reason relationships with accidental pregnancies early on sometimes don't work out, even when they might have if the pregnancy didn't happen. Once you feel like you HAVe to be with the other person, it can sap the joy during a time when you should be riding high on hormones and lighthearted fun times, just getting to know each other. Suddenly the other person feels like a jail cell. At least in my experience!

BTW, I do know what its like to live on macaroni and cheese, ramen, peanut butter, etc. My ex paid only $150 a month in child support for 14 years. I really had to scrape by at times. But I didn't take advantage of WIC or food banks, etc. that could have really helped. I just felt so low already I didn't want to (pride?). Those hard times didn't last forever, things got better and I really hope they get better for you, very soon.

One last thing -- I get red flags about any man who shows up when I'm at a low point as my "rescuer", pays for stuff when I can't to make himself indispensable, talks endlessly without caring what others have to say, and especially a man who starts telling me how I feel and how he's the best thing that ever happened to me -- this truly creeps me out. It seems like an insecure, controlling man using my weakest moment to weasel in on me. You say you love him as a friend and he's a great guy... I think it is great you are giving him the benefit of the doubt but something about this situation seems like he is taking advantage. Why do I get the impression that he is insecure inside and likes you being dependent on him and is not looking for an equal partner? Just my thoughts, maybe I'm off base. Only you know for sure.

Anyway, hugs to you. Do what you can to make sure YOU have the support you need for you and your son (WIC, etc.) so you aren't trapped into being with ANY man. Love should be a choice, not a survival effort.

[kblackstone444]

One last thing -- I get red flags about any man who shows up when I'm at a low point as my "rescuer", pays for stuff when I can't to make himself indispensable, talks endlessly without caring what others have to say, and especially a man who starts telling me how I feel and how he's the best thing that ever happened to me -- this truly creeps me out. It seems like an insecure, controlling man using my weakest moment to weasel in on me. You say you love him as a friend and he's a great guy... I think it is great you are giving him the benefit of the doubt but something about this situation seems like he is taking advantage. Why do I get the impression that he is insecure inside and likes you being dependent on him and is not looking for an equal partner? Just my thoughts, maybe I'm off base. Only you know for sure.

Yes, this gives me red flags, also. He really is a good guy, but I was kinda sucked into this whole relationship thing (I agreed, but told him it needs to be very slow, then I agreed to something else I wasn't ready for, which got me unexpectedly pregnant, and by then, it was too late for me to back out, and he assumes that by being pregnant with his child, I'm suddenly ready for all that marriage, living together, planning a life together stuff. Even if he's completely innocent, the whole way it played out, gave me the creeps to begin with. Honestly, this is gonna sound really weird, but before we were dating, we once had a conversation where we sorta agreed to be eachother's backup plan- we both wanted kids someday- and did brush on the subject of, if we're still both single and haven't had kids with anyone else in, say, 5 years time, then we "might as well have kids together 'cause we're good enough friends to get along enough to raise kids together (he's completely MDC material when it comes to raising kids- breastfeeding, nocirc, gentle disicpline, organic feeding, babywearing, cosleeping, etc.) But that was the backup plan, with both of us going into it with the assumption that 5 years from now, I don't know if I'll still be fertile, and me going into it with the assumption that, 5 years is plenty of time to get to really, really know him and back out of the deal, if needed. There's no doubt he'll make a great dad, but by me getting pregnant NOW, he seems to think that I'm ready to jump into the 5 year plan NOW. So anyways, yes, part of the creepiness is, both of us were keeping the other around as the backup plan. In my defense, I knew it was rebound, that's why I made sure there was a long time limit on things, and I did come off of a long marriage where my husband would not allow me to have another child, even though it was the only thing I wanted- to have another child. Stupid of me? Yes, but you can see where the tempation for the backup plan came in, especially with someone else who also always wanted kids. Me getting pregnant on almost the first time we did something, while using two different kinds of birth control, when my doctor told me my chances of ever having another baby being in the best conditions being slim to none, was not on the plan!

[kblackstone444]

You're still carrying his baby. Do you really think he'd drop all support of you if you gently worked through the truth with him? Just cautioning you...I think deception is a really bad way to start this life-long relationship with him. He will likely feel very, very betrayed and angry by this once he knows the truth. Whatever situation you fear right now that is justifying the deception, take a look at possible future scenarios if you take this path. Is it worth it.

Please don't think I enjoy lying to him or plan on keeping things this way forever! These are things I'm just realizing in the last week and a half, and don't know how much is "real feelings" and how much is "pregnancy feelings". It's not a matter of if to tell him, it's a matter of when, how to tell him, to avoid the least damage all around, with my son and my baby being first priority.

[MommyNicoleTX]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

'cause we're good enough friends to get along enough to raise kids together (he's completely MDC material when it comes to raising kids- breastfeeding, nocirc, gentle disicpline, organic feeding, babywearing, cosleeping, etc.)

....and hes cleaning your house? feeding your kids? walking your dogs? saying he loves you? excited about baby? heck im finding him attractive!! LOL ok im kiddding!

no but in a all seriousness, i dont think those emotions sound very rational or symptom of pregnancy-especially reading all the posts you posted. yes it is normal in pregnancy to be moody & frustrated & even resentful, but you sound like it is a more serious case of youre angry your life is going the way it is & you want it changed now. like it or not, you made a bond-connection-created life with him, and at one point even discussed this as an option to do together. it sounds like now you want to take it all back after you did the deed & got what you wanted & now youre done with him? in no way to sound disrespectful, i think you need to gather your emotions (with therapy & maybe some time alone) and try not hurt this guy that seems to be thinking you had different intentions all together & is trying really hard to please you and show love for you. if you unleash all this hurtful news & feelings onto him without trying to find the real root of the problem first (why are you having a hard time with this affection & care, and with him? do you have depression etc?), you may lose a good father (maybe even a good partner) for that child forever. so far his only fault you mention is being a man and doing some manly things (well chewing is a human thing), and then showing his affection towards you. so im hoping that im wrong & maybe this is just some hormones and that you can soon see some of those great qualities in him that made yall friends in first place. or in my opinion if you decide youre done and that you made a mistake and you are going to hurt him & you dont love him or want him, then i say dont play victim, take the blame in that case. but be ready to let him love that child however he wants, and that may include loving that childs mother. what a gift? in a nice gentle way, when the time is right & maybe after the 1st trimester when hormones level out, you can say what your hoping the future can hold.

just my .2 from some random lady on MDC! i dont usually answer these posts seeking advice, but i truly wish you the best.

[kblackstone444]

like it or not, you made a bond-connection-created life with him, and at one point even discussed this as an option to do together. it sounds like now you want to take it all back after you did the deed & got what you wanted & now youre done with him?

That's what I'm afraid he's gonna think if I leave him! :-( We started dating on the basis that I wanted to take things really slow, because I WASN'T over my ex, and because I wasn't even sure if I wanted to date at all, and with the understanding that, if we were together after a long time and it looks like we're gonna end up together, then we would definately have kids together. But getting pregnant after dating for 2 months was not in the gameplan, and now he seems to think that my "in a few years, maybe" has turned into "right now, definately", just because I got pregnant on accident. I DO want to take it all back, but not because I'm getting a baby out of it, but because I was unsure of the relationship to begin with, and if I wasn't pregnant, I'd already seriously doubted we'd be together in six months/a years time, anyways.