Tips for a 16 month old

[Pogo0685]

I just ordered the book the happiest toddler on the block, it was a recommendation from another thread. But while I am waiting for it to come in the mail does anyone have any tips they can share in GD for my 16 month old? we have baby proofed our house as much as we can, but it seems all day long we are saying no and hes always in trouble for something and we have even hit his hands when he gets into something he is not supposed to. We also yell a LOT and I would like to stop that all together. The most usual things he does are: hit the dogs, with his hands or anything he can pick up and throw or hit them with like sticks and spoons. He tries to jump over the back of the couch, he climbs up onto the couch, then tries to jump over the back of the couch. He throws things over all of the baby gates and fences that we have up. Turns things on and off, like copiers (at work - we bring him with us), fans, power bars with plugs in them. And he likes to climb up on the kitchen table, and also can get up onto the kitchen counters and pull things like knifes off and that's very dangerous. I know that some of this is just him being a toddler, but when I need him to not do something how do I get him to listen. Thanks!

[alegna]

He's not going to "listen" (ie obey) for another year or so.

Distract, move, block, redirect, etc. Make him a safe space to be in. Don't leave him with the dogs. Block the switches. Make the couch as safe as possible, even if it means moving it against a wall.

What you describe is just normal toddler behavior.

good luck!

-Angela

[Biscuits & Gravy]

My best advice is to take whatever he is doing, and give him something safe and acceptable to do that mimics that activity. For example, if he is climbing, give him something that is okay for him to climb and redirect him to that. If he wants to push buttons, give him a toy or something else that will satisfy that urge. If he wants to throw, give him soft balls. When he does the "bad" behavior, such as climbing the sofa, pick him up, say "No climbing the sofa" or something to that effect, then lead him to something he can climb and tell him "This is for you to climb! Can you climb it?!?!" etc., make it seem WAY more exciting than the sofa. Draw attention to the behavior you want, and don't overreact to the behavior you don't want. He'll want what is exciting to you. If he gets a big dramatic reaction from you when he does certain things he'll continue to do them to see if he can get that reaction again.

At least, that is how things work with my 17 month old.

We knew early on that he was a climber. So instead of constantly getting him down from tables, chairs, sofas, etc., I found a little tikes sort of climber from craigslist to keep in our living room. When he is climbing inappropriately I redirect him to it. It has worked pretty well. Don't get me wrong, I still get him down from tables and stuff all day long, but I can redirect him to something fun and it distracts him for a while.

[Pogo0685]

Thank you mamas for your replies, we do have a slide climbing thing for him so I will start having him use it way more, and i read both of these replies to my husband and he says they are good ideas and we can start trying them. That's HUGE step for him because he thinks that DS should have started obeying us when he was 6 months old. So we are going to start right now and try to stop overreacting to the bad and reacting with praise to all the good.

[crunchy_mommy]

My DS is 16 mos old too & yes, those are all normal behaviors, and no, he's not going to 'listen' to you yet. I think just keeping those 2 things in mind can go a long way in how you react.

Some suggestions... gate off the kitchen. Keep the dogs in a separate area (perhaps the gated kitchen!) when you aren't going to be right there to intervene. Push the couch against the wall so he can climb onto it but not jump off of it. Get covers to cover the plugs and switches (I know I saw some once for power strips, or you could create something out of a cardboard box or something maybe). As far as non-dangerous things, like throwing toys over the gates, just let him do it -- really, there's no harm in it, right? It's annoying (DS puts everything through the cat door to the basement, if you can't find your keys they are likely at the bottom of the basement steps ). But if you try to focus your energy only on things that are actually dangerous or seriously interfering with your own work, you'll feel less frantic. Redirect the energy as the pp's mentioned, and also try to reframe your "No" into a positive statement. "Don't hit the dog" becomes "Be gentle to the dog" (you'll need to teach 'gentle' -- show him how to touch gently & how a gentle touch feels). "Don't throw your food" becomes "Put the food in your mouth" & "Don't stand up in the tub" becomes "Please sit down." It's not 100% but it works way better (for me at least!) than the negative statements.

[lifeguard]

Lots of good suggestions here.

We found installing baby gates has been invaluable. We've created a "safe" area in the diningroom/livingroom. While he's in here we really don't have to watch too carefully cause there are not really things he can get into.

The additional bonus of the gates is it has given us a safe area for the dogs. Most of the time the dogs are with us but if they are getting overwelmed or ds is getting to excitable or we are distracted & unable to watch so carefully we can separate the dogs from ds to keep everyone safe.

I anticipate it will be a long time before ds listens to our rules reliably.

[thehighernest]

DS is two months younger, so he's not in full-on climb mode yet, but he does ask for "up" on the sofas. One is against the wall, so that helps a bit, and we sit on it with him when he wants to practice rolling around the cushions on it.

We used to have a set-up of baby gates that helped "contain" him to the living room. As he started cruising more, we widened it to include the dining area. About a month ago, we took them down altogether. We've latched all the kitchen cabinets but one with stuff he can take out and in. We have a dog, and DS is attracted like a moth to flame to the bowls, so they've come up now. We put them back down after DS goes to sleep.

We have a gate on the office door and our bedroom and bathrooms are kept behind closed doors. He has complete access to his room whenever he wants. Sometimes he asks to go into our room, so we go in with him and supervise since that room is NOT babyproofed in any way really. Same thing with the office. He gets his little fix of being in the "prohibited" rooms and then we go back out where he can wander as he wants. This usually satisfies him.

I'm sure it will only get harder as he gets older!

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by Biscuits & Gravy

My best advice is to take whatever he is doing, and give him something safe and acceptable to do that mimics that activity. For example, if he is climbing, give him something that is okay for him to climb and redirect him to that. If he wants to push buttons, give him a toy or something else that will satisfy that urge. If he wants to throw, give him soft balls. When he does the "bad" behavior, such as climbing the sofa, pick him up, say "No climbing the sofa" or something to that effect, then lead him to something he can climb and tell him "This is for you to climb! Can you climb it?!?!" etc., make it seem WAY more exciting than the sofa. Draw attention to the behavior you want, and don't overreact to the behavior you don't want. He'll want what is exciting to you. If he gets a big dramatic reaction from you when he does certain things he'll continue to do them to see if he can get that reaction again.

At least, that is how things work with my 17 month old.

That method of "honoring the impulse and redirecting" worked wonders for ds1!

[lisavark]

Lots of good advice here, but I want to say again that what will help your frustration level the most, IME, is reframing your expectations. The more you trust that his behavior really is normal and that expecting him to "obey" right now is unreasonable, the less you will want to yell at his developmentally normal but incredibly annoying behavior. And that goes for your DH too! I would say try to encourage your DH to get educated about developmental stages: give him statistics or a book or a movie or whatever he'll be open to, so that both of you can be on board with recognizing what's normal at this age. Toddler behavior is a lot more frustrating, IMO, when you feel like there's another adult--whether a partner or a relative or a friend or whoever--standing over your shoulder thinking, "Why is this kid acting this way?" KWIM?

And it actually gets easier as they get older. Well, it goes in cycles. But at 17 months I had to be right there redirecting my DD constantly, and now ten months later if I say, "Stop!" she freezes. (Ok, so it didn't work at the pool today when she was running, but usually...! ) They do get better at responding to verbal direction as they get older, though. Until they figure out that it's funny, and gets a bigger reaction, when they do the opposite of what Mom says on purpose.