Older child tips please!

[tarama]

The first six weeks seemed to go pretty well, but now our 3-year-old is seriously feeling it. Disobeying, provoking us, hitting us, won't go to sleep, etc.

I realize I have to spend more one-on-one time with him and make him feel loved. But how to do that with this babe...

Anyone else having these challenges? Tips from the pros?

[finn'smama]

Well, I'm no pro and I hope that someone else has the answers because we're going through it here too. And same as you, it was fine for the first 6 weeks, but now my 3 yo is a TYRANT! I assume it's because he's figured out that the baby actually lives here! I am trying really hard to pay very close attention to his needs, and give him more mommy time and to let him know I know he's acting out because he needs me. It's very very hard to remain patient though, since he and his older brother are constantly fighting right now.

[tomtemama]

I'm feeling it here too. Dd2 who just turned 4 is out of control. I have found that doing something fun with just her (even if it's just for 5 minutes) is helping us re-connect.

A few evenings ago I pushed her on the swing and looked at our veggie garden with her for 10 minutes while dh held the baby and made dinner with dd1. This made a world of difference for her. It was obvious it did as her behaviour changed instantly.

Also, I am finding that just accepting her angry/sad outbursts (which always come at the most inconvenient times) has helped. She cries, I hug or nurse her and we move on.

I hope that you can both find a way to make things smooth out for your family. I'm right here with you.

[ann_of_loxley]

Make a list of fun things you can do with a baby in arms/sling!
And then have them on hand to do!
It helps!

Things we do are: sand art, colouring, board games, puzzles, reading a book (I like this one cause I can lay down and nurse and read to DS1 at the same time! - its the most lazy of ones hehe), going for a walk and talking about stuff (DS1 likes this stream we have - he likes to throw sticks/leaves in it and enjoys me taking great interest in throwing things in with him! hehe). etc

Also - it could all be in your head. Seriously...it could just be 'the age' that they are.

[nikirj]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Also - it could all be in your head. Seriously...it could just be 'the age' that they are.

Yeah, I found the threes tough even without a baby around.

Part of the reason DS transitioned so well when he got a sibling at 3yo (IMO) is that DH would take the older kids for some very vigorous playtime every day. On DH's days off he takes the kids and they are just GONE all day. I try to have a dinner ready for when they come home, usually after 8pm - it seems like much less of a chore when I've had the whole day to myself (um, with just the baby - wow when I was a first-time parent I would NOT have thought that would seem restful).

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Originally Posted by nikirj

it seems like much less of a chore when I've had the whole day to myself (um, with just the baby - wow when I was a first-time parent I would NOT have thought that would seem restful).

I had to comment on the last with a big LOL. H and I are so excited because my mom is taking the three older kids to an amusement park on Saturday:P Who would ever have guessed that a day with just a babe would be a day off?

Okay back on topic: My opinion has always been that three is a rough age. With my kids it was from about 3.5 to 4.5 but I think it came early with my middle one and there was no new baby to adjust to. But we had lots of talking back, tantrums, yelling, etc. It was pretty hellish and I always joke that if we hit that age there won't be new babies for awhile.

But that said, my former youngest has been having a hard time adjusting and she's five. We've had many, many meltdowns over imagined slights and over not being able to do things. Mostly I just let her sob and when she's ready we snuggle together. Because she's older she's also interested in baby care so I recruit for small tasks.

I second Ann's idea of keeping a list handy of things you can do with the older child when holding younger child. Sometimes when Piper is about to lose it, I can head it off by reading to her or talking to her about her drawings.

[ann_of_loxley]

Oh - I shall add singing as well. Does your lo like songs where you can do actions to them? Singing and marching/dancing around the house is a great way to interact and connect - whilst holding/slinging the baby! lol

[Pepper44]

My DD will be 4 in July. I have to say, even before the baby came out 3 was such a difficult age! Much harder than 2 for sure.

DD has also been a bit jealous and more emotional than she was pre-baby. The worst thing for her is that she's bored! She wants me to do things all the time and it's hard with the baby needing naps, diaper changes, nursing, screaming in the car, etc. We go for a lot of walks! Round and round the block...

[4lilfarmers]

oh boy, micah is not 6 weeks old yet...i hope i'm not in for it with my 3 year old! so far, so good...but sounds like it was that way for you all too!

i did something that i think may be a real treat for the older kids... copied it from this blog and refined it a bit since hubby is not around at all right now and i have the newborn...so it's simpler, fun things for us to do but a surprise for the kids (and a treat...since we don't get out and do much right now). i chose go for a hike, go to playground, get an ice cream cone...things like that. And i think i'm going to use it on days when they "earn" it by really trying to help and get along.

sort of like anne's idea but the kids get to chose what we do out of a jar.