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Any advice for telling the dad?

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
I haven't been seeing him for very long (about a month and a half) and found out on Friday that I'm pregnant (and, yes, I was responsible about it, this bean just wanted to show up now I guess). All the guy friends I've asked have said I should tell him in person, but I may not be able to (basically, he lives 45 minutes away and broke his phone yesterday so I don't know if he's still coming by tomorrow like we discussed). Any tips? What to say, what to do, or what not to say/do? Hopefully I can tell him in person, but I'm incredibly nervous either way. Logic says he'll stick around, but I'm paranoid anyways.
post #2 of 25
This is a tough one, without knowing the guy it is hard to give advice. I would say go with your intuition on this. Personally I would like to be told in person.
post #3 of 25
DDCC but I was in a VERY similar situation when my now DH and I got pregnant with our first. Our first date was July 14th and I found out I was pregnant August 6th... so yeah, I feel your pain!! I didn't handle it so gracefully.. I called him freaking out after I took the test asking if he hated me. Thankfully he had a lot more grace under pressure than I did!! I think telling him in person is ideal but however you tell him will be fine, it is what you guys do with this turn of evens that really matters, not how you tell him.
post #4 of 25
Thread Starter 
Rachel - Wow! So glad to hear a similar situation that turned out well! Our first "date" was 28th April...so I have a bit more time under my belt than you did, haha. I just hope it works out as well! Thanks for making me feel better.
post #5 of 25
DDCC -My fiance and I had been together 2 years when this one decided to show up... though we had only been together in person a total of a bit over a month...

My ex husband and I had been together 2 months when my son decided that no condom can hold him back lol

and my first baby I had been dating the guy and living with him for 3 months when baby showed up (unfortunately I lost that baby)

I seem to have this odd track record with that...

All said, I have gotten 3 different responses. First swore it wasnt his kid and I cheated on him. However, at the time, he was cheating on me. Guilt, I think, played a huge part of that accusation. Second got really depressed but stuck around. If it werent for eventually getting my daughter out of it as well, I almost wish he hadnt. Hes not around much now. And current was so excited... he put up pics from both of my ultrasounds on his desk at work because he is so excited to be a daddy! We were really hoping to wait until we got married... but he came home from Iraq and was very impatient I guess lol.

So really, it depends highly on the guy and a little on the situation (but MOSTLY on the guy)

Its best to tell him in person though. I wish I could have told DF in person, he had already gone back to where he is stationed by the time I got my BFP and I had to call him on the phone to tell him.
post #6 of 25
He's dating you, a woman with a kid already, so he's got to be okay with the idea of kids. Right?

Men generally know how it works, the sex and conception thing, and they know there can be surprises.

I'd tell him the next time you talk to him, if it's in person or on the phone. Or if you think in person would be better (I think your men friends recommending you do it in person is a strong persuasion to go with that plan), tell him you need to see him SOON.

Congratulations
post #7 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tresa View Post
He's dating you, a woman with a kid already, so he's got to be okay with the idea of kids. Right?

Men generally know how it works, the sex and conception thing, and they know there can be surprises.

I'd tell him the next time you talk to him, if it's in person or on the phone. Or if you think in person would be better (I think your men friends recommending you do it in person is a strong persuasion to go with that plan), tell him you need to see him SOON.

Congratulations
Yeah, he was even once engaged to a woman with three kids so he obviously is okay with the idea. He even jokingly said once, "You could be pregnant right now." And of course I was all, "Nooooooooo way!!!! That's why we have contraceptives!" I can't remember if that was the night I suspect we conceived, or the week after...either way, it looks like he was right. I know he was just kidding, but most guys who would run upon finding out they got someone pregnant wouldn't even JOKE about it. Ugh, if I don't hear from him today I'm going to tell him it's important...which I wanted to avoid because I don't want him to suspect, but then again maybe it would give him a little warning to get used to the idea?

And, thanks.
post #8 of 25
No btdt advice but I do know you need to tell him soon. One of my friends got pregnant with her ex-boyfriends child, found out shortly after they split, and decided to wait to tell him so she could adjust. Someone mentioned to him that she had been sick all the time and he put 2 and 2 together. He was very upset and hurt that she hadn't told him before. Any chance he could find out about it from someone else then you really need to tell him ASAP whether in person or over the phone.
post #9 of 25
Thread Starter 
I messaged him on facebook and told him I needed to talk to him about something important and to either fix his phone and call me or come over. I'm sure he'll guess what it's about (what else would I need to talk to him about that's important?)...I'm just hoping he gets back to me soon!
post #10 of 25
Hi Emy, Congrats

did you finally get to see him/talk to him? how did he take it? I'm sure he'd be excited

keep us posted

take care

Sharifa
post #11 of 25
Yes, how did it go? I have been thinking of you and hoping all is well.
post #12 of 25
Thread Starter 
I haven't heard from him yet, but he doesn't get online often. I'm getting so impatient waiting!!!
post #13 of 25
ddcc
My partner and I had not been dating for terribly long (3 months?) before this little one decided it was time. I was SO SCARED to tell him.. believe me! I've thrown up twice in this pregnancy.. once last week when I had to put my cat down and once right before I had to tell him. I was afraid he would leave, or act like a jerk and accuse me of stuff. BUT! I was SO SO WRONG! We both cried when I told him but he has been the most wonderful supportive person in the entire world. I love this man more and more every day! I wish the best for you and while I know its nerve wrecking the best thing to do, really, is try to tell him face to face!
post #14 of 25
My best friend ever (a guy) met a girl online a couple of years ago, they ended up DTD on their 3rd date and lo and behold she was pregnant! We were all shocked but now they have a beautiful two year old daughter and a son due in October. We often comment that Emily (his wife) is the best thing that ever happened to him and they are one of the happiest couples we know. Its funny because he married his high school sweetheart after being together for 5+ years and they were divorced before they made it to their one year anniversary (she cheated).
post #15 of 25
congrats! I hope it goes smoothly! update us when you can.
post #16 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the positive stories!

He finally messaged me back last night. He asked what I wanted to talk to him about, so I just told him. I soooo wanted to tell him in person, but oh well. It was hard to gauge his reaction (obviously, since I couldn't see his reaction in person). He seems a bit in denial like I was, and seems to be leaning toward not keeping it but it looks like he'll stick around. We talked for over three hours and he's going to try and come over Sunday (his suggestion) so those are good signs. I'm that he really will stick around!!!
post #17 of 25
I think him wanting to come over Sunday is a GREAT sign. Gives him time to process but he still wants to see you. Hope things just get better from here!
post #18 of 25
Thread Starter 
Yeah, it was completely his suggestion, so I take it as a very good sign. I'm glad it's gone relatively well thus far.

So you're near me, I see! When's your EDD? Mine is the 9th, but I'm not expecting it until at LEAST the 16th (based on when DS, myself and my siblings were all born - 41-43 weeks). If you need any local references, or just local crunchy mama support, let me know!
post #19 of 25
EDD is Feb. 4th according to Fertility friend and Feb. 1st according to everyone else lol. Thanks for the support, where in Dallas are you?
post #20 of 25
Thread Starter 
If you know your O date just count 38 weeks from that.

I'm in the Lakewood area, near downtown Dallas.
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