You DO have choices... try a ROWE :-)
I feel as if I have lots of choices, but it's only out of dumb luck.
When I was pregnant, I became very ill and had to quit my job after maternity leave ended, even though I was considering going back. My employer was more than a saint and allowed me to take unemployment for as long as I wanted it. A year later, I secured a job making a excellent salary and it was entirely working from home, mostly on my own schedule. DS is now 3 years old and I have never had to leave him or even think about child care. It's been a huge gift to myself and to him.
Things are a bit different now- my contract for my job has ended and my unemployment ran out. DH has been a SAHD for two years and is a full-time student, as am I. When DS was 6 months old, we decided it was better for our family if he always had a SAHP. We made the choice to make a lot of sacrifices so that this arrangement can work out- we have bare-bones health insurance and have no disposable income (but at the same time, we also worked very hard during the pre-baby years so that we could have no debt). We also moved when DS was 6 months old so we would have a lower cost of living. My parents have lived with us for the past month so we don't have to dip into our investments while we prepare to move. It's not perfect, but for us, keeping a parent home was/is more important than maintaining our lifestyle (which was really quite lavish before DS came along).
Next month, we're moving again becuase for the first time in 3 years, I'll finally be working full-time outside of the home. DH will continue his role as a SAHD while he finishes grad school.
One last thing: it has taken me a l-o-n-g time to find a job that works for me, the reason being that I simply REFUSE to work a 8-5 job. In every interview, resume, cover letter and phone screening, I have made it clear that I thrive best in a ROWE. A ROWE is how I worked when I was working from home, and it means that I work when I want and where I want, as long as my work gets done. Some employers don't like that, and those aren't the places for me. But I have found three employers who like me enough that they are willing to let me work a ROWE while also offering an excellent salary and benefits. This means that I will be able to take DS to his swimming lessons and "grasshopper baseball" classes and volunteer at his preschool, becuase I have the flexibility of doing my work on my own time. (If you don't know what a ROWE is, look up "results-only work environment") To me, a ROWE is the best choice for a working mom. If your employer doesn't understand what it is, there's a ton of materials available to help you convince your supervisor to try it out.
Even still, with the ROWE and the good salary, we have years to go before we have the same income level and lifestyle that we had before DS. In the meantime, we are choosing to keep a parent at home which means we live simply, only vacation once a year, keep our old cars, etc. But on the other hand, I still get to spend tons of time with DS and we never have to worry about someone else caring for our child. This is what works for us.
So in fact, I think there ARE choices as long as you're open to compromise. You have to be willing compromise when needed (ie, moving or somehow reducing your cot of living when needed) and also being able to justify an alternative work environment to your employer. I completely understand that these scenarios don't work for everyone, but this is what has worked for me and I am very, very happy with how things turned out.
