Unreasonable Request of Teacher?

[amma_mama]

DD is in a private school for Kindergarten this year as she missed the pbulic school cut off date by less than 48 hours and we felt she was super ready. She has excelled this past year despite being the youngest in the class. We are moving houses over the summer and will be enrolling her in the local public school. We are requesting that they consider her as a transfer student and the principal requested her progress reports and a letter of recommendation from her current teacher on her readiness for first grade. We have the meeting with the principal later this week and I asked her Kindy teacher for the letter more than two weeks ago. She told me the time that she would "try" to get it done but could not promise anything. I wrote to her again today and she wrote back saying that she probably cannot do it until after school lets out .

We are now in the position that we do not want to piss her off and not get a letter at all, but it is very disappointing and frustrating that she could not take a few minutes to write the letter. I know that it is a busy time of year but I thought that 2 weeks' notice would be sufficient to allow her to find a few moments to fulfill our request. Is that so unreasonable?

[ecoteat]

Two weeks is plenty of time! I'd be annoyed too. If you asked now and she said she didn't have time until after school I'd understand her reply. But if she had done it when you asked, your request wouldn't have gotten buried at the bottom of her end-of-year to-do list.

[Tjej]

That is weak of the teacher. I don't think your request is unreasonable, but what do you do? You need her help. Would she be open to you writing a rough draft for her, emailing the file to her, and her fixing it as she saw fit? I know that is what a former boss of mine had me do for a letter of rec. I felt weird doing it, but when they are busy it's one way to get it done.

Tjej

[Linda on the move]

It is a VERY reasonable request and she is being unprofessional. Have their been any issues with your child that would make her hesitant to write it?

I like the idea of sending her a draft and letting her know when you will be by to pick it up.

[sapphire_chan]

Does she maybe think it needs to be a long detailed letter with examples of your dd's work and references to the public school's rubrics etc etc?

: that the rough draft idea speeds things up.

And she's already going to have to think about whether your dd is ready for first grade anyhow, for the private school report card, right?

[One_Girl]

Is it possible that she has a lot of requests for other things to deal with? Parents in affluent schools are more demanding and teachers do get very swamped with demands that they have to meet so they don't have to waste time meeting with the principal and the parents to talk about why the parents stupid demand can't be met immediatly. This makes it hard for them to meet real requests even if they are reasonable (as yours is). Even the student teachers at my dd's school were overwhelmed by all of the parents demands and their mentor teachers took on most of those demands for them. She truly may not have time to fit something like that in, especially if she thinks it needs to be longer than it really needs to be. Clarifying what you need the letter to say may help. She may think it needs to be a bigger job than it really needs to be.

[amma_mama]

Thanks, everybody. I thought about doing a draft letter but now feel that even suggesting that to her would seem (to her at least) to be "pushy" since she already told me that she does not have time to deal with this. If she asked, as one of my professors did when I was applying for grad school, then I would be happy to do it, but I feel weird offering at this point after the back-and-forth emails we already have had. IDK...I will think about it today.

I just feel that she has no interest in helping out a family that is not staying at the school...so much for all the virtues and charity they teach the kids. It just felt like the royal brush off. DD will get her final progress report next week, so we may just have to wait to for that an just meet with the new principal without all the documents and take if from there.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by amma_mama

We are requesting that they consider her as a transfer student and the principal requested her progress reports and a letter of recommendation from her current teacher on her readiness for first grade.

Is this just more of a "(Child) has completed all kindergarten coursework at (name of school) satisfactorily and is ready for 1st grade." Signed - Teacher.

How much work can that be? Maybe that's all you need to prepare and get the teacher to sign the letter so you can bring it to the meeting. The brief letter and the progress reports should be enough. If the new school needs more detail, you can always go back and get it.

[kathymuggle]

I would not wait until school ends for a note. Teachers in this area are very hard to get a hold of once school end (which is fine -it is their vacation). I can think of 2 instances where fairly timely, important things did not happen due to teachers being unavailible.

This is what I would do:

1. I would email/call her and ask for 5 minutes of her time this week.

2. If she did not respond , I would simply show up after class

3. I would bring an incrediably short, simple general letter and ask her to sign it on the spot.

Kathy

[Linda on the move]

Writing the letter would take less time than the email ABOUT the letter.

Are you sure there isn't a reason that she feels your DD shouldn't be going to first grade?

[mkksmom]

Honestly, she's probably just swamped. I used to teach and would have done it right away, but the amount of hours I put in during the last month of school was insane. I'm talking staying until 8 or 9 PM trying to score assessments, finish up big projects, pack up the classroom, do report cards, prepare portfolios to pass on to the next teacher, helping to place kids for the m=next year, the list goes on. The amount of pressure was unreal and the reason why I *used to* teach. I am so happy to be home with my kids at the moment and dread ever having to have that much stress again.

[cyberfish]

Perhaps she'd be more amenable to being a reference? As in if the new school has doubts about your daughter's placement they could call this teacher? That way she doesn't need to write anything and you'd still have her voucher if you need it.

[VisionaryMom]

I'm a corporate writer. Some people have a very difficult time with writing letters. It may well be that she needs some dedicated time to write it, especially if she is imagining the letter needs to be lengthy and detailed.

[Addy's Mom]

Originally Posted by mkksmom

Honestly, she's probably just swamped. I used to teach and would have done it right away, but the amount of hours I put in during the last month of school was insane. I'm talking staying until 8 or 9 PM trying to score assessments, finish up big projects, pack up the classroom, do report cards, prepare portfolios to pass on to the next teacher, helping to place kids for the m=next year, the list goes on. The amount of pressure was unreal and the reason why I *used to* teach. I am so happy to be home with my kids at the moment and dread ever having to have that much stress again.

I agree this is a strong possibility. Plus, if she's dealing with "anything" big in her personal life, it would be even worse trying to find at least 20 minutes to sit down and write out a thoughtful letter.

Of course, she might be a total slacker, I have no clue. But personally, I have had times at my job where I'm so insanely busy that I don't even have time to take daily bathroom breaks, literally. And those busy periods can go on for weeks. So she could be facing some of that, especially at the end of the school year.

[Girlprof]

I'm a professor so I do letters of recommendation all the time. Honestly, I'm pretty good at them and it still takes about 45-60 minutes, start to finish. And I have all the office supplies I need at my fingertips. If you are looking for an actual letter, I can definitely believe she simply doesn't have time to do it right now. Two weeks is the minimum I ask for from my students and if it were the last month of classes, I would tell them I need more time than that.

On the other hand, unless you have reason to believe otherwise, it is really likely that she feels bad about how long this is taking and that she has no intention of withholding the letter or anything like that. I would start with the principal of the new school and find out if what you need is a signature at the end of the statement: Child X is ready for first grade
or if you need an actual letter.
If you need an actual letter, just let the principal know that the current teacher will complete the letter as soon as the semester lets out. S/he is more than likely to understand this.

From your report here, I don't see any bad intentions or misrepresentation on the part of the teacher. She said she would try to get the letter done, but she didn't manage to. Hey, stuff happens, especially in the last couple of weeks of school.

[amma_mama]

Yes, I know that the likely reason is that the teacher is just very busy these days...but that is why I gave "ample" notice for the request. I don't think that she feels that DD is not ready to progress...

Anyway, I met with the principal of the new school and she will be satisfied with the final report card, which comes out next week, though a personal letter would be a "plus", I think. They also want to do an informal assessment of DD (reading, etc.), which will happen the week after next, just as a validation.

So, at the end of the day, I guess the teacher's recommendation is not so critical, but I still feel that she could have handled a bit nicer (at least be apologetic or something about the delay. But maybe that is just her personality...she is not exactly a warm person...

[Emmeline II]

My son's report card had a personal note about his progress and a box checked off that he is promoted to first grade.

She said she would get to it after school lets out so I'd just tell the new school that. Sometimes I hear the teacher's at ds' school talking to each other about how parents don't understand the amount of planning that goes into things...she may really be THAT busy right now. What you consider "ample" time and what she considers "ample" may be different.

There is a saying "a failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"; not to say that you "failed" to do something, just that your urgent need for the letter does not mean that she is being malicious or negligent in not getting it to you in your time frame unless that is what she promised--which she didn't.

[Tigerchild]

I can understand being annoyed, but to be honest, two weeks is not "ample" time for a teacher at this time of the year. Maybe if you'd asked a few months ago or at a slower time of the year than report card/evaluate writing--but it sounds like the timing wasn't exactly in your control. So no harm no foul.

She said she would try, but couldn't promise--she later clarified that she could not. I guess I'm not seeing how a warm and fuzzy personality would have turned out different--other than they might have been able to say "no" or "not sure" more fuzzily.

I wouldn't say that your request is unreasonable, it never hurts to ask, and it wasn't like you were demanding it within 48 hours. But her inability to get this done during the final weeks of school is also not unreasonable. It sounds like perhaps you didn't like this teacher anyway, so perhaps that's adding to your irritation. It's easier to be understanding with someone whose personality we enjoy.

[kathymuggle]

While I am sympathetic to the business of the time of year, I think 2 weeks plus is more than ample time to write a note. At the very minimum, she should have been more specific with when she can write a note - within a week of school ending, etc.

I cannot think of a single occupation where it is ok to say to a person who is asking you to do something within your job responsibilities - "I can't do it now or anytime soon and I have no idea when I can do it".

FWIW, neither my husband nor I work in anything as important as teaching, and I am expected to get back to people within 2 or 3 days. If I cannot meet their request in a timely manner, I need to outline when I can meet their request. My husband is expected to get back to people within 24 hours. And yes, I am busy at work, as is my Dh. Everyone is busy. That is no excuse.

[mar123]

This type of letter isn't part of the typical responsibilities though. At the schools where I have taught, this type of thing would be handled by the front office, not the teacher. She may also have wanted to wait until she finished with all of the final evaluations to give a more accurate picture.

I ditto those that have said that the last month of teaching is incredibly stressful. I don't teach elementary; I teach high school, but in my opinion the lower grade teachers have it even harder at that time of year. I know I didn't have a single spare minute. In addition to all the end of year stuff, the regular job of teaching is still going on. You are still planning, grading, etc.

But this request, while not unreasonable at all, is not part of the main duties of a teacher. Therefore, that is why it is on the back burner.