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Argument about computer time

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
My dh and I have been having the same argument and I need some perspective. I stay home with our two boys and I am pregnant with our third, a girl.
My husband is a computer guy and from time to time he will get really into a new game - age of empires, one on facebook I can't remember the name of, and a new one where he builds cities and stuff no idea what it's called. What I do know is it's one where you do one thing, have to wait and then you click around a little more and on and on. He often plays at night when the kids are in bed. I couldn't care less then. I watch my dvr'd shows and we hang out on the couch, catch up on the day - cool with me. What is NOT cool is that in the morning he brings his laptop to the table while the kids are eating. I have asked him not to and he said okay, reluctantly I guess.
So this morning he was doing it again and I brought it up. He got really mad and said things about how I get to facebook during day, he only has a few things he enjoys and how I'm taking it away from him.
All of which really hurt my feelings. One, if he would have kept his word I wouldn't have had to say anything at all, two it's hurtful that he would rather do that than be with his kids. Third, how am I the bad guy for wanting meal times to be imprtant?! And I didn't even know what to say about the "but you get to" comment. I can't freakin' pee by myself and can go a long time without adult interaction. But yeah, I guess I get to be on the computer when I want and he can't because he's working. How do I respond to that? It seems so crazy to me but I guess it's true? I have that luxury but at the cost of a lot of others?! The only equivalent I could think of was that because he is at work he gets to go out for lunch practically every day. And me begrudging him that would be just as ridiculous. But I still don't think that fully communicates. Maybe you bright ladies could help me explain it better?
Do you all have the same or similar arguements?
Thanks for your input.
post #2 of 5
Do you eat dinner as a family? If so, could you work out a compromise? He can have his facebook time in the morning, but at the dinner table TV/computers/phones are off limits? That is kind of how we do it here. I mean, I can't really say I blame your dh for wanting to check the computer in the AM. I fix the kids breakfast and while they eat, I sit at the table and check my email, facebook, message boards, etc., and have a cup of coffee. It's what I am doing right now, actually. So while I have not had that exact breakfast argument with my dh, we did have something similar over dinner time. He is always texting, texting, texting... even at the dinner table. And I asked him if he could please stop texting at dinner b/c I thought it was really rude.

Sometimes I feel like it is a fine line between working something out together vs. acting like I am mothering him... I mean, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. And I definitely don't want to act like I'm his mom, telling him what he can and cannot do all the time. Maybe you could have a family breakfast on Saturdays and Sundays, but leave the weekdays a casual one where he can do what he wants?
post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
He totally gets computer time in the morning if he wants it. The only request I had was not at the table while the kids are eating breakfast. The most hurtful was the out of nowhere argument that I got computer time while he was at work and that I was somehow an ogre for just asking him not to bring it to the table.
I think it's hard for me to think straight about it because my feelings were really hurt. Boo hormones!
post #4 of 5
I'd be pissed, but I have very strong feelings about computer time. Every so often I declare that we are not doing computer time while our daughter is awake for a while. It slowly creeps back in over the next few months. We have both separately and together decided that we place face to face interaction with our kidlet as one of our very highest priorities in life. Stupid games (or facebook or livejournal or MDC--my three time sucks) are not allowed to take away from that significantly. Which is not to say that we get no computer time. *ahem* As I am posting right this minute, we do get some. But it is for agreed upon times and they are very limited in duration. Near as I can tell our kid gets more direct parent interaction than any other kid we know and her behavior is absolutely spectacular.

I think that these things need to be discussed and not have the law handed down. My husband has zero self control and he is very frank about that. He appreciates me reminding him of priorities he has set for himself. It's not *really* that I am laying down the law. I just notice, "Hey--we have been getting bad about ignoring Shanna. We should stop." And he generally agrees and things go back to our normal.
post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 
Yes! Face to face time is very important to me too. And I totally agree about the law being handed down. He had already agreed to the no laptop at the table thing then didn't keep his word and that was the only reason I mentioned it. So it was really hurtful when he made it seem like I was a nag and deliberately trying to tell him not to do something that he enjoyed
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