Soon to be Sexually Active Younger Sister, WWYD? UPDATE #22 - Page 3

[<3mymom]

Originally Posted by EFmom

I was sort of in the same position as your sister at that age. Extremely religious parents who were pretty controlling and who found out I was sexually active. It wasn't fun.

I guess my big question would be --what are her plans? In my case, I definitely wanted to go to college, and my parents were paying for it. It was so worth it to me to just shut up and pretend to comply for 8 months or so until I knew I'd be off to college and could do what I wanted to do.

If I was planning on moving out at 18 and getting a job, I wouldn't have been so compliant.

Her plans are similar to yours, go to college which my parents are willing to pay for. Financial support is a big big reason there is this struggle. I'm relatively certain if they were not going to be putting her through college she would have just left at the start of this trouble. So right or wrong it's probably in her best interest for the future to try to get along to make it easier for her to get the education she wants.

[<3mymom]

Originally Posted by aussiemum

Good point EFmom, some of this kind of depends on where the OPs sister sees herself in 6-12 months with regards to parent support, etc.

I also agree with pps who think that the parent's response here is really, incredibly detrimental to their long term relationship with their daughter. She is 17. How on earth can you expect to prohibit the sexuality of a 17 year old??

In response to the OP: Also I am wondering why the STI test? Do you have a reason to suspect that your sister's partner has an STI? Did they use condoms and did they minimise the risk of transmission? If they took precautions, why worry about it immediately?

Honestly I am wondering why the STI test too. She used condoms every time as far as I know, however, her partner did have other sex partners before her so there is always a risk there no matter the precautions that are taken. I think since my sister knows the risks she would just like to get checked while I am still around town to take her and help explain the whys, hows, and whats of STI testing.

Also, my parents, I think are insisting on it to try to scare her out of having sex, obviously this isn't going to work. But I think my sister is handling it in the most mature way possible by just going to get tested, most likely so she can say "ha told you I was being the safest possible."

So the STI testing may be mostly unnecessary at this point but it's something she is plenty willing to do, and I think since I will still be around to take her to Planned Parenthood, at the very least it will allow her to know where it is and become comfortable with the building in case she needs to go there for anything else. (oh and hopefully talking to someone there about what is going on will make her feel a little better.)

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by <3mymom

Her plans are similar to yours, go to college which my parents are willing to pay for. Financial support is a big big reason there is this struggle. I'm relatively certain if they were not going to be putting her through college she would have just left at the start of this trouble. So right or wrong it's probably in her best interest for the future to try to get along to make it easier for her to get the education she wants.

Then I guess if I were you, I'd support her in biting her tongue and hanging in there until she goes to college. The reality is that your parents do have the upper hand unless your sister is willing to forego a free education and become self-supporting.

I also have to say that I think your parents have a point that really it isn't your business to interfere with them. Obviously, I strongly disagree with how they are treating your sister, too, but they are her parents and until she's out of their house, they do have the right to call the shots. It sucks, but fortunately, she's already 17. And while she's at college, they'll have little idea what she's up to.

[<3mymom]

Thanks, I will support her in doing that if she is willing.

I agree with you that it isn't my business to interfere. I've only said anything to them when they have brought it up with me or asked my opinion and my sister is out of hearing because I really do not want to interfere with their parenting. All I've really been able to do for my sister so far is be a shoulder to cry on, listen and give her a hug. I disagree with them and I do think they are doing damage to the relationship but I have some hope that it will work out in the end because I remember being 17 living in my parents house and it was hell. Now that I'm not at home most of the time we get along great and even when we don't we manage to get through it.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by <3mymom

Thanks, I will support her in doing that if she is willing.

I agree with you that it isn't my business to interfere. I've only said anything to them when they have brought it up with me or asked my opinion and my sister is out of hearing because I really do not want to interfere with their parenting. All I've really been able to do for my sister so far is be a shoulder to cry on, listen and give her a hug. I disagree with them and I do think they are doing damage to the relationship but I have some hope that it will work out in the end because I remember being 17 living in my parents house and it was hell. Now that I'm not at home most of the time we get along great and even when we don't we manage to get through it.

Being 17 was awful, wasn't it? I think the best thing you can do with your parents is agree to disagree, and with your sister, support her in making good decisions. IMO, that means sucking it up until she's out of the house and jumping through whatever hoops your parents present. Sucks that you're in this position. Good luck.