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The "Whatever" Thread - Page 6

post #101 of 496
hi Christie!

Quote:
Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior View Post
THanks MW! That's okay it happened so fast in May we decided to TTC and in June we were pg!

Lyterae- I told my 2.5 year old alone in the bath the other night because I just HAD to tell someone but we haven't told our 5 year old because she probably wouldn't keep it quiet and we're not quite sure when we're going to tell.
So.... I was right. I started my yoga mama late this morning and X got up and got upset that I was doing the work out video with all the mamas with babies in their tummies. "You can't do this one mom, you don't have a baby in your belly!" because sometimes I'll do pilates and other videos in the am before anyone else is up. "Go talk to your dad" I told her. So DH tells her and this evening when we were out and about on a bike ride we run into DH's best friend (who incidentally was also the first person we told about X) and she spills the beans.

Everyone is going to know and my period isn't even due yet

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
echo ~ I didn't even know you were TTC last month. I must've been really out of it. That's probably why your dh reacted the way he did. Didn't expect it to happen so quickly.
I sort of gathered you didn't catch on. I did say on the CTA group that I had moved to TTC but when I was really trying to clarify my O day I think a couple of people chimed in on there "to be cautious I'd say it was CD 27". I still think I may have had a slow rise and may be 2-3 days earlier because man that line was DARK for just 7DPO

JJ FWIW I'm a horrible housekeeper by nature but with the LOs now I have had to find a system that worked for our family. My children made me learn how and enjoy it too. There is just no way I could put others through the chaos that I myself can deal with. You'd be surprised what might happen!
post #102 of 496
Hi echo! Congrats on your pregnancy! We have a 6 year old, so I'm sure he would tell everyone, too. How did your little one react? Did they understand what that meant? I just ask because I have NO clue how I would tell my 2 year old. I don't think she would understand if there was a baby in my tummy and I envision her wanting to "see it".

I know some of you all were talking about how you would tell your SO. I think with mine, I would just show him the test. Because he is pretty in tune with me and even he knows when I'm late or have something funny going on. He told me once that he never met a woman that was so in tune with her body like I am, so I take that as a compliment. He has learned things he probably could have been better off not knowing!
post #103 of 496
thanks Christie!

Yeah, my two and a half year old talked about it some but really didn't fully grasp the concept, so the secret would have been safe with her. I also remember that from when I was trying to prep X for A's arrival, the concept just wasn't there yet. My just turned 5 year old though can't think about anything else since I told her. Yesterday in the kitchen randomly asked "when you have the baby mama, will your nanas be full of milk again?"
post #104 of 496
See, my two and a half year old would repeat it. If I told her mama had a baby in her belly, she would point and say it all the time. She is very repetitive. But at the same time she wouldn't understand. Lol. That's so cute that X asks you questions about it. I'm sure she is so excited to be a big sister again!
post #105 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior View Post
thanks Christie!

Yeah, my two and a half year old talked about it some but really didn't fully grasp the concept, so the secret would have been safe with her. I also remember that from when I was trying to prep X for A's arrival, the concept just wasn't there yet. My just turned 5 year old though can't think about anything else since I told her. Yesterday in the kitchen randomly asked "when you have the baby mama, will your nanas be full of milk again?"
Aww, I imagine that dd would tell everyone she could. I've had multiple ask me already in the past few months because she talks so often about being a big sister "one day".

13DPO and holding out hope
post #106 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post
oh, and I do the same to DH, I am like, we both agree we want to DTD more, but when it's on the table, so to speak, if you don't decide to come to bed (when I go), you can't be dissapointed if I've fallen asleep by the time you get there!

eh, maybe he will be in the mood this week . . .I do really like the Whatever-ing makes DTD much more fun and less stress. We tried for 2 years to have DS, and then, while pregnant, well, we really didn't DTD much. Trying to pick the pace back up after what you figure is nearly a year if you add pregnancy + PP recovery time, is not as easy as you think.
I am right there with you on this. At the same time, I don't really know how to make it clear to DH that "I'm getting in bed" should translate to "Let's go DTD" without just saying it. I'm working on it, but I get self-conscious!

We had almost a year of almost no DTD b/c of some self-esteem/weight issues on my part and some communication issues b/t the both of us, and you're right, coming back from a year is difficult. It's gotten a lot better though over the last few months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcrunchymama View Post
We start off without anything, then once he reaches his peak he pulls out and throws a condom on and then goes back in. He says it is so he gets his the "normal" way, too. Seriously, it has become an annoying routine.
We used to do this, then we switched to just WD b/c I hate condoms, then the other night DH went to get one mid-way through and I was like "no, I hate those" and he actually listened. It is annoying and I'm thinking that, for me at least, there's no going back to it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior View Post
I'm a horrible housekeeper by nature but with the LOs now I have had to find a system that worked for our family. My children made me learn how and enjoy it too. There is just no way I could put others through the chaos that I myself can deal with. You'd be surprised what might happen!
This is one of the big bones of contention b/t me and DH, and one of his hangups on having any LOs. I can tolerate a good bit of clutter and chaos, but he really can't. We live in a smallish 2 BR condo and I have a lot of stuff. I've pretty much taken over the DR with my home business (I have a FT day job too) and the house is really just in need of de-cluttering. I really need to get on top of it so that I can get the go-ahead from DH...

I'm not sure if I am technically "whatevering" since we are using WD every time we DTD, but I am really working on being less obsessed/more zen about the situation right now. There are plenty of things that I can work on in the meantime that will improve the likelihood of DH agreeing to TTC later this year/early next year.
post #107 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkgeek View Post
We used to do this, then we switched to just WD b/c I hate condoms, then the other night DH went to get one mid-way through and I was like "no, I hate those" and he actually listened. It is annoying and I'm thinking that, for me at least, there's no going back to it.
I wish I could do the same, but I feel that it will either be a big hit to his ego or he would deny me totally unless I agreed to using one. And he would then think that I was trying to trick him into getting me pregnant. I mean, it would be worth a shot...but this man is just as smart as me! I can't get by with anything. Haha
post #108 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by lyterae View Post
13DPO and holding out hope
Looks good! Has your lp ever been more than 12 days?

echo ~ Yeah, I got a bit confused when you were asking when your O day was and then saying you had graduated and people congratulating you. I'm a bit slow but I do catch on eventually. I looked at your chart yesterday and was wondering if it's possible you Oed earlier, when you thought you did. Since temping is only accurate to within 3 days of O, it's certainly possible.

pinkgeek ~ I've been having some self-esteem issues around my weight recently. I've been talking to dh about it the past couple of days. He's been gone for a year with a 30 day home visit in the middle. He will be coming home in about a month so we are trying to prepare. He doesn't seem to miss a beat with being intimate after being away so long but I have a harder time. After he comes home from a deployment or other long separation I kind of feel like he's a stranger and I have to get to know him again before I can have sex with him. Now with me not feeling attractive when I'm naked will make things even harder. We talk about it, though, so he already knows that I have issues.

Christie ~ Have you tried talking to your dh about the condoms at some other, neutral time? I can't stand condoms but my dh doesn't mind them. It took a bit of convincing and showing him stats but he finally agreed to use just w/d. W/D puts almost all the responsibility on the man because he has to know when to do it. Maybe your dh doesn't want all that on him. I purposely put it all on my dh because he is the one who wants to avoid.
post #109 of 496
DH and I have never used w/d b/c we both feel it would be maddeningly frustrating. ITA w/the whole ruining the moment sort of feeling it might have for him (and...possible TMI, I'm not interested in that kind of clean up!) We don't use anything until about CD11 or so -- which we both know is "risky" but in a way that isn't intentionally TTC. Then we switch to condoms until after O is confirmed.

At least that's how it has been. I think I'm too nervous to intentionally TTC, too, so it works for us.

The other day when we were, ahem, getting frisky, he asked if it was safe and I said, "Babe, it's never 100% safe. But I don't think I'm going to O for another week, so we should be ok," So he knows that there's always that chance.

I personally don't mind condoms except for how disappointed they make me. As long as there is plenty of lube, it feels pretty much the same to me.

LCM - DH is the same way. If I told him I didn't want to use a condom during fertile times, we wouldn't have sex. He's just does not want to take that much of a calculated risk. We just end up doing "something else"...
post #110 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcrunchymama View Post
I wish I could do the same, but I feel that it will either be a big hit to his ego or he would deny me totally unless I agreed to using one. And he would then think that I was trying to trick him into getting me pregnant. I mean, it would be worth a shot...but this man is just as smart as me! I can't get by with anything. Haha
If he's worried about the "you trying to trick him" thing, let him know that WD is actually a pretty effective method of BC. I don't know all the numbers, but I read on some medical site that it was at least 73% (I can't remember where.) I haven't managed to get pregnant using it, despite really hoping for it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
pinkgeek ~ I've been having some self-esteem issues around my weight recently. I've been talking to dh about it the past couple of days. He's been gone for a year with a 30 day home visit in the middle. He will be coming home in about a month so we are trying to prepare. He doesn't seem to miss a beat with being intimate after being away so long but I have a harder time. After he comes home from a deployment or other long separation I kind of feel like he's a stranger and I have to get to know him again before I can have sex with him. Now with me not feeling attractive when I'm naked will make things even harder. We talk about it, though, so he already knows that I have issues.
We actually had a huge fight about my weight last summer. I was medically discharged from Active Duty Army at the end of 2005 and from around 2004 til then I wasn't able to do any PT. My weight started going up and then kept going after I got out. He saw it as me not having enough self-control and not caring about what I look like. I wasn't really thin when we met, but I was about 50 pounds lighter than I was last summer. I'm down about 25 pounds from last July (thanks to Weight Watchers; I was down more than 30 as of January, but it's crept up since then) and am starting back on the program this week. Next week, I start back to the gym. I am very self-conscious when naked, esp. about my stomach. I figure if I can get to my goal weight (another 20 or so pounds, or 30 to my vanity weight) I will be WAY more comfortable in the bedroom. My current theory is that I will use this time to work on my body/self-esteem issues, get back to working out and clean up the house - then there's no excuse for him to use when I broach the subject of having a LO later in the year Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about this off-forum.

I have been going to acupuncture (Five Element modality, on the more new-age side of things) and I think it is finally helping me to realize that I need to be able to relax and let go of things/ideas that aren't positive for me. Just this week I feel like I am in a place to really try to be more zen about everything I have been obsessing over!
post #111 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Looks good! Has your lp ever been more than 12 days?
I just went back through the previous 5 cycles (I'm on cycle 6 since I started temping again).

Cycle 5: 11 day LP
Cycle 4: 13 day LP
Cycle 3: Can't confirm O day (fever during ovulation time)
Cycle 2: 12 day LP
Cycle 1: 12 day LP

So, I guess I wait and see what tomorrow brings. It's a big waiting game. That's all right.
post #112 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
DH and I have never used w/d b/c we both feel it would be maddeningly frustrating. ITA w/the whole ruining the moment sort of feeling it might have for him (and...possible TMI, I'm not interested in that kind of clean up!) We don't use anything until about CD11 or so -- which we both know is "risky" but in a way that isn't intentionally TTC. Then we switch to condoms until after O is confirmed.

At least that's how it has been. I think I'm too nervous to intentionally TTC, too, so it works for us.

The other day when we were, ahem, getting frisky, he asked if it was safe and I said, "Babe, it's never 100% safe. But I don't think I'm going to O for another week, so we should be ok," So he knows that there's always that chance.

I personally don't mind condoms except for how disappointed they make me. As long as there is plenty of lube, it feels pretty much the same to me.

LCM - DH is the same way. If I told him I didn't want to use a condom during fertile times, we wouldn't have sex. He's just does not want to take that much of a calculated risk. We just end up doing "something else"...
I usually make DH handle cleanup since he's the one who insists on WD.

I don't like the smell or feel of condoms; that, added to the disappointment makes me not a fan.

My DH is completely clueless as to "fertile time" - he doesn't even know when AF is here unless I deny him DTD b/c of it or when I explain to him that if the bamboo box is on the floor in the bathroom it's AF time (that's where I keep my tampons). I can't decide if I wish he wanted to know more about my cycle or if I'm ok with him not knowing much since it increases my chances of an oops
post #113 of 496
MW - We haven't really discussed anything in a while. I guess we need to, because I honestly don't know what goes through his head sometimes. Right after my AF he will go without a condom and without w/d for one time, maybe two. Then he's back to being over protective. It doesn't help that I only spend over night time with him every other week. And my cycle has worked itself into a rotation where I'm with him the weeks that I 'O' (or should be O-ing). So, maybe that's why he is like that. I might suggest that he just strictly use the w/d method since I'm done by the time he gets to that point anyways. BTW, sometimes I get really insecure about being with DP even after being away from him for a week. We still see each other, but sometimes we are so busy that we barely have time for a kiss. So, when it comes to DTD after weeks like that I feel so disconnected. I feel for ya!

Carrie - You have me thinking... Maybe if I charted then he would feel better about not using anything up until a few days before O. I agree, condoms are a big disappointment. They do sometimes ruin the mood! Especially when he stops to put one on and ruins the moment for me! But, I guess w/d or not, that scenario would still ruin the moment. I always tell DP that it's "never 100% safe", too! How funny.

Well, I'm still having boob discomfort today. I can't even sleep on my stomach it hurts so bad. The cramps have gone away, though. I still have until the weekend before I will even think about testing. Yesterday when I picked up DD after work she stuck her hand down my shirt. DP laughed, but it just made me wonder. You think children can have a sixth sense when it comes to things changing with your body? She even told me she needed to sleep with me last night. My child NEVER acts like this!
post #114 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
I'm not interested in that kind of clean up!
I don't do any clean up. We always put a towel down because we rarely dtd in our own bed (even when we do dtd in our own bed we put a towel down because we share that bed with our LOs) so clean up is very easy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
If I told him I didn't want to use a condom during fertile times, we wouldn't have sex. He's just does not want to take that much of a calculated risk.
According to the stats in TCOYF, w/d has only a 1% higher method failure rate than condoms. I think condoms is 3% method failure rater and w/d is 4% method failure rate. The user failure rate is higher for both. I can't remember what they are off the top of my head.

I found this Birth Control Failure Rates. I think the rates are slightly different from those in TCOYF. I don't remember the w/d user failure rate to be that high in TCOYF. Like I said before, when using w/d the man has to be very confident with himself that he can do it correctly every time and he has to be willing to take the responsibility to do that.

Here's some info from Wikepedia. Withdrawal birth control method It says the user failure is anywhere from 15-28%.
post #115 of 496
Pinkgeek - I will let him know. We keep having months where we think I might be pregnant and we definitely have occasional "oops", but so far we've been pretty safe with this wacko form of w/d. How do you like acupuncture? Is that the only thing you have tried for relief of "letting go" of things? I have been dealing with stress lately and I was thinking of going to a counselor or psychiatrist, but I haven't completely sold myself on the idea. I have a problem with letting everything get to me.
post #116 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
when using w/d the man has to be very confident with himself that he can do it correctly every time and he has to be willing to take the responsibility to do that.
Yea, too bad my DH is so good at it! Also, thanks for those links!
post #117 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
According to the stats in TCOYF, w/d has only a 1% higher method failure rate than condoms. I think condoms is 3% method failure rater and w/d is 4% method failure rate. The user failure rate is higher for both. I can't remember what they are off the top of my head.

I found this Birth Control Failure Rates. I think the rates are slightly different from those in TCOYF. I don't remember the w/d user failure rate to be that high in TCOYF. Like I said before, when using w/d the man has to be very confident with himself that he can do it correctly every time and he has to be willing to take the responsibility to do that.

Here's some info from Wikepedia. Withdrawal birth control method It says the user failure is anywhere from 15-28%.
I'm going to show these links to him. And a towel is a good idea. It's starting to sound more like a possibility for me.
post #118 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcrunchymama View Post
Pinkgeek - I will let him know. We keep having months where we think I might be pregnant and we definitely have occasional "oops", but so far we've been pretty safe with this wacko form of w/d. How do you like acupuncture? Is that the only thing you have tried for relief of "letting go" of things? I have been dealing with stress lately and I was thinking of going to a counselor or psychiatrist, but I haven't completely sold myself on the idea. I have a problem with letting everything get to me.
I really do like it a lot. I meet with my acupuncturist every other week right now (we started with 1x a week); at the beginning of each session, she asks how I'm feeling physically and emotionally, what I would like to get out of treatment, if there are any major life changes going on, etc. I happen to be friends with the girl who I go to - this can be both good and bad, though.

I have seen some improvement in my moods and overall stress level since I started seeing her in April, but this week it really just hit all at once. It has definitely made a big difference in how much I let stress me out and how much I let things bother me in general. I see her again on Thursday, so it should be interesting to see what she says about this sudden "revelation".

I have also recently thought about going to see a counselor to help deal with some of my communication/body issues and how they are affecting my marriage, and how I can best deal with the current discrepancy b/t mine and DH's desire to have LOs, but I haven't sold myself either
post #119 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkgeek View Post
I really do like it a lot. I meet with my acupuncturist every other week right now (we started with 1x a week); at the beginning of each session, she asks how I'm feeling physically and emotionally, what I would like to get out of treatment, if there are any major life changes going on, etc. I happen to be friends with the girl who I go to - this can be both good and bad, though.

I have seen some improvement in my moods and overall stress level since I started seeing her in April, but this week it really just hit all at once. It has definitely made a big difference in how much I let stress me out and how much I let things bother me in general. I see her again on Thursday, so it should be interesting to see what she says about this sudden "revelation".

I have also recently thought about going to see a counselor to help deal with some of my communication/body issues and how they are affecting my marriage, and how I can best deal with the current discrepancy b/t mine and DH's desire to have LOs, but I haven't sold myself either
That is awesome to hear how well it is working for you. Does it hurt? I have a big fear of needles. I'm guessing if they put it in the right place then it should feel more like a relief, but I know hardly nothing about it.

The problem that I am having is finding a person to go talk to. I would prefer a woman, but I want one that specializes or has dealt with a lot of people with this sort of stressed/depressing demeanor that I have. I'm not a negative person until it comes to thinking about myself. And I have a lot of unresolved issues from my divorce. I just don't want to be put on medicine for anything. I think talking it out would be more beneficial for me. I just need someone to say the right things back to me. It is so frustrating. I'm one of those people that hates to admit I need help with something.
post #120 of 496
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcrunchymama View Post
That is awesome to hear how well it is working for you. Does it hurt? I have a big fear of needles. I'm guessing if they put it in the right place then it should feel more like a relief, but I know hardly nothing about it.
I used to be afraid of needles, until my first (of 2) tattoos As for it hurting, usually not. There's often a little pinprick and then that's it; sometimes there is a little more than that, but it usually goes away quickly. There are some points that hurt more than others, but if they know you are afraid, they will work around that. I always leave there in such a state of relaxation and no stress; it's awesome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcrunchymama View Post
The problem that I am having is finding a person to go talk to. I would prefer a woman, but I want one that specializes or has dealt with a lot of people with this sort of stressed/depressing demeanor that I have. I'm not a negative person until it comes to thinking about myself. And I have a lot of unresolved issues from my divorce. I just don't want to be put on medicine for anything. I think talking it out would be more beneficial for me. I just need someone to say the right things back to me. It is so frustrating. I'm one of those people that hates to admit I need help with something.
I was in therapy/counseling after college when my boyfriend from college and I broke up (that I was living with, so it bordered on divorce since we had to split up everything, including friends) and then my mother died - both events within 3 months of each other. I found a family therapy practice that was on my insurance; I saw a woman who was awesome - she was actually a Licensed Social Worker (LSW) not a psychologist. They did have me see a Psychiatrist once (required by either the practice or the insurance, not sure which) but meds weren't ever even an option for me. He told me I was situationally depressed and that talking was all I needed. You could probably find something similar and it would probably be what you are looking for.

I think if I were to go see someone now it would need to be someone with experience in marriage counseling so that if/when DH needed to join me it would make more sense/be easier.
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