When do they start to "listen"? - Page 2

[flower01]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Young 3 year olds squeeze the bulb (or press the button nowadays) regardless of the light color. They do this even if they can repeat back the instructions. When told "squeeze" or "don't squeeze" they can follow it. But when left to do it on their own, they need help. 4 year olds are better, especially if they're told to say "go" or "stop" for the different lights. But it's not until 5 that kids can reliably inhibit or not perseverate the actions.

I needed this. Thank You.

My 3 year old is generally very compliant. But, there are moments that throw me. I have to remind myself that she is so young.

[ann_of_loxley]

Originally Posted by UrbanSimplicity

I think the key here is that around age 1, children (still babies, really) ENJOY listening. It is new for them to have this sort of communication and understanding with another person. But at 2-3 they are testing limits and trying out they're individuality and things change.

That being said, dd1 is 4 and still has a hard time "listening". But I remember the first time my gentle and easygoing dd2 put something in her mouth from the floor. From across the room I shook my finger in a gentle way and softly said, "No, no, Lily, that is not for your mouth." And She Removed It! I was in Shock! With dd1 everything was a struggle, even at that young age. So it also depends a ton on personality!!

This exactly!

Also - a big part of your question has to do with impulse control. Heck - many ADULTS struggle with that! Like me and chocolate! lmao

Part of impulse control is knowing why. If our (my DS1 and I) connection is good, he doesn't feel the need to question why. I trust him and he trusts me. But of course he is young and curious and the world is still very new to him - so he questions why a lot. He doesn't need to verbally ask 'why'...he shows me this by his behaviour. No we shouldnt, no I dont want you to - but he goes on and does it anyhow. Because he wants to know why for himself!

Another part of impulse control is reasoning. So as an adult, if I know why I shouldn't have chocolate, then I can reason with that and control my impulses to eat any. Young children are just unable to do this a lot of the time.

[lunarlady]

I read your question and I thought, children listen?

Seriously though, my DD, 3.5, is already the master of selective hearing. If you say "chocolate milk" in any context, she is at the fridge and ready to go in a heartbeat. But say "come here" or "put that down", well, I sometimes wonder if I'm actually speaking or if maybe my DD has forgotten English. It is like having a teenager. Check this mommy -- I'm ignoring you...what you gonna do about it? I must count down from 5 at least 20 times a day. I give limited choices, start counting, and then enforce the choice she makes if I get to zero without compliance. Doesn't work so well when she is stripping her clothing off at the playground however. Five seconds is five too long for my sense of modesty!

I do think DD went through a listening phase from about 18 months to 28 months or so of age. It was a golden time when mom's voice was heard. I'm not holding my breath, but maybe it will repeat at some point before the age 12 "too cool to listen" sets in.

[wombato]

This is a great thread. I'm incredibly glad to know I'm not the only one with an incredibly persistent 1 year old. Example: when I take him to the garden, he pulls out the label stakes. We must have repeated the same action 30 times: son pulls 2 stakes out, mom puts them back. Mom redirects child to another activity, child comes back (even when very far away!) and pulls them out. Mom puts child with dog to play, child comes back and pulls out stakes. Mom shows son other kind of stick...yeah, no help. Mom calls it a day and takes everyone inside.

[Jennifer Z]

My 4yo is just starting to "listen", but she has a long way to go. I can usually trust her to be by herself for a bit and not be in mortal fear, but she is not ever going to be particularly compliant if she is anything like me. (and she appears to be just as strong willed). That personality type is going to make a great adult, but is really challenging to parent when the logic circuits aren't in place yet.