Funny things kids say....

[Unconventional1]

There was a thread like this somewhere, but I thought I would start a new one

DS is 3:

"Old pee is crunchy like potato chips" WT??????

I have NO idea where that came from, or where he may have encountered old pee!

Or we found a nest of tiny baby spiders outside. He is currently afraid of all insects and spiders...

"Last night those baby spiders climbed into my toes and up into my belly and ate all of my food in my belly." He was completely serious while he said it too.

[zippy_francis]

My DD is 2 1/2. When she is being silly or making silly/funny faces in the rearview mirror while I am driving, I will tell her "You are crazy".

Her reply always is: "I am not crazy, I am Sophia Margaret!" (her name)

I LOVE IT

She is my little smarty pants

[Alyantavid]

My 8 year old:

(Dh bought a new computer chair yesterday and was bringing it in) "Don't you want to see the greatest thing since having children?"

My 3 year old:

(when asked how old he'll be on his birthday) "6. Well, 4. But they're the same thing. Only different."

[CrazyCatLady]

My daughter at the doctor's office today (when the door was open of course) "mama, your doctor is very very nice and very VERY big!"


Yesterday my dd and I were on the porch. We could hear our neighbors in their backyard and their dogs were barking a lot. Zayla decides to say real loudly, (so I know they heard her) "mama I hate those damn dogs".

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

I'll try remember some cos my lo's have come out with some crackers

When chloe was 4 her dad heard her saying "i'm going to be 14 when i'm a mum"

caitlin's teacher had a baby girl before christmas and there was sign on the door saying that she weighed 6 lb. 9 oz and i mentioned that Caden had weighed 9 lb. 6 oz and she said "did you buy him from the shop and did he have a label on him"

also a few months back Caden pulled my purse out of my pocket and i said "i don't have any money" and he said "Liar" and smacked me i was so shocked, i couldn't help but laugh.

Caitlin really embarrassed me in the shop the other day i was paying for some shopping and she said to the man at the checkout " Hello daddy, your my daddy"

[Oubliette8]

I was teasing my youngest sister once and said that boys have cooties. She got a very serious look on her face, turned to my mother and said "Mom, Oubliette is being silly, boys don't have cooties, they're just icky!"

[InMediasRes]

My 3yo opened the bathroom door while I was in there and said

Him: Hey mommy, do you have a penis?
Me: Why no, I don't.
Him: Ok, thanks!

And shuts the door. Just checking, I guess?

His animals also seem to make friends much more easily than I can: "Hi, Ninja Monkey, would you be my friend? Sure, White Puppy. I'll dance and you play the guitar."

And life lessons:

Me: Sorry, Andrew. Sometimes we can't have everything we want.
Andrew: Like a leopard. I would like a leopard, but we can't have one because Daddy would be scared!

Apparently Daddy also can't go to work because he's a bear and that's DANGEROUS!

3yo crack me up.

[wookie]

My 4yo is hilarious when he wants to be

Him: Why can't I have my rules all the time?
Me: Because other people want to have their rules sometimes too. Why should you be the one to make rules?
Him: Because, mama, I'm the king of the world!

Me: Oh, ds2 (1yo), don't eat that off the floor. It's yucky.
Ds1: Let him, mama. Then you don't have to vacuum because ds2 is our very own vacuum!

[queenofchaos]

Just this morning, my 4 yo DD and nearly 6 yo DS were at the table eating breakfast when DD asks me,"Mom, what happens when your water breaks?" Before I could answer, DS says, "That can't happen cuz water can't break!"


This afternoon my 8 yo DD asks me, "Are all grown-up ladies moms?" I replied, "No, some ladies are grown-ups quite a while before they become moms and some just don't ever become moms." Her response, "Well, then maybe some moms never grow-up." I thought this rather profound (and sometimes sadly true!); all I could say was, "Yes."

[Otterella]

3 1/2 yo DS: "Sister doesn't like the vulva in her sippy."

DH: "WHA????"

DS: "The vulva. This." Takes out the valve.

DH: "Ohhhhh... say 'valve'."

[Tjej]

All 4 of us snuggled up in bed in the morning. DS (2) is nursing, DD (4) is just laying in the middle. Sweet and peaceful, right?

DS: (laughing) The white thing (ceiling) fall down on us and squish us!
Me: You think the ceilng is going to fall on us and squish us?
DS: That be funny! The ceiling fall down and the star (ceiling fan) fall on DD and hurt her! Ow (still laughing)...

DD and DS got helium balloons at a parade on Saturday. They took them out into the backyard after we got home and (surprise surprise) instantly DS's balloon floated away. DD is hysterically upset.

DD: Get the Balloon! It's floating away! (sobbing uncontrolably)
Me: I'm sorry. I would like to get it, but it is too high up. I can't reach.
DS: Maybe get on airplane and reach out window and grab balloon.
Me: That'd be fun if we could do that.
DD: (gasping) Okay, let's get to an airplane...
Me: I'm sorry, we can't really get on an airplane.
DS: I wear astronaut suit and BRRRGGRR up into sky and grab balloon!
DD: (So very sad) But it is going away! How can we get it?!!?
DH: Sorry...
Me: I would like to get it too, but we can't. It is too high up.
DS: We fly like birds. Mama, fly like a bird! Little Bear flies like a bird. Mama fly like bird!
Me: (jumping) See, even when I try, I can't fly. It would be fun...
DD: We could talk to the birds. They could fly and get it and bring it back...

Tjej

[CrazyCatLady]

Oh yeah. I just remembered the best one.

Recently, in the middle of a crowded grocery store isle. Dd tells me randomly and in her loudest voice (why is she always so loud?!?)

"Mommy, I like to touch myself at night in my bed when you can't see me".



Nobody warned me about this kind of stuff before I had kids. It's like she's on a mission to humiliate me sometimes.

[peaceful_mama]

DD, age 3, on where babies come from:

Sees me taking prenatal vitamin. "Can I have one?"

Me "No...they're only for mommies growing babies"

DD "I can grow a baby..."

Me "Someday, sure" (or something like that)

DD "No, I know how to grow a baby RIGHT NOW."

Me (we've not had a discussion on where babies come from, nobody's asked) "Really? Tell me more..."

DD "You plant a seed, put some water, put it in the sun, and it will grow a baby!"

Me

[peaceful_mama]

DS1 is 5. He is absolutely CONVINCED the bellybean is a girl. (we find out next month)

He informed me one day "I KNOW it's a girl mom, I KNOW it is...I know EVERYTHING!"

(he also "already knows how to speak Spanish" so doesn't need an after-school class next year--he's seen dora and diego, )

[Unconventional1]

There are some good ones already!

I just remembered another....

DS was playing with my grandma's dog with a small stick in the yard. He fell with it and a side branch poked his finger and he got a small puncture from it. This was with everyone around including my 84 yo grandmother.

"G@d dammit! That really hurts!"

My grandma thought it was pretty funny, and after some initial uncomfortable looks from my aunts and uncles we all had a pretty good laugh- he always manages to use those words in context, so it is hard not to laugh.

[rabbitmum]

My DGD (5), on the bus yesterday (very seriously):

"If you lose your heart, then you die." Then added: "The heart is made of glass."

[Raine822]

My niece (4yo) had a worksheet from school to pick out the pictures that start with P. They came across paddles for a boat. Her mom asked her if those start with P...NO MOMMMMMMMMMMM-those are row row row your boats.

[Stephenie]

DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.

[InMediasRes]

Originally Posted by Stephenie

DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.

Makes sense to me!

Just heard this one today, upon finding a small American flag:

DS: This is my flag!
Me: Oh yes, that's the United States' flag.
DS: I would wave it around and tell people "Get out of the way! We're coming through!"

Yep, that's pretty much it, buddy.

Think he remembers using the flag in the crosswalk.

[shishkeberry]

After I sent DS to bed, he came downstairs an hour later..

Me: DS, why are you downstairs, you should be in bed!
DS: It's too hot in my room and I can't get comfortable.
Me: Well, turn on your fan.
DS: I did, but it's not fanny enough