6yo and 2yo constantly arguing

[loraxc]

DD is 6 and very...inclined to dispute and correct, by nature. It really bothers her to hear anything inaccurate.

DS is 2 and has developed a pretty "two" contrarian nature recently. He is basically arguing just to argue, I think.

So a lot of their day goes like this:

DD: Look at the drawing of fairies I made!
DS: Dey are not fairies! Dey are girls.
DD: They're fairies, DS.
DS: NO! DEY ARE GIRLS!
DD: I DREW them and they're fairies.
DS: NO! DEY ARE GIRLS!
DD: Stop calling them girls!! They aren't!
DS: BUT DEY ARRRRRRE!!!
Me: :

DS: Dis is a green tree and dis is a GRAY tree.
DD: Actually, that tree is brown. (Note: It is.)
DS: IT IS A GRAY TREE!
DD: But it's brown.
DS: NOOOOOO! IT IS A GRAY TREE!
DD: NO, it's brown.
DS (yelling): IT IS A GRAY TREE! IT IS IT IS!!!!
Me: :

Help! They are driving me nuts. I have tried ignoring them and telling them to work it out, but they just escalate and escalate and I can't stand the noise. I have tried and tried to get DD not to engage in this, but without success. I'm not sure how much of the responsibility to place on her. She is much older, but he totally baits her and starts these things a lot of the time.

They do also sometimes fight over the usual stuff like toys, but most of the time it is arguing over truly meaningless/abstract/nonmaterial stuff like the above.

[starlein26]

Sounds very normal to me...I think it's the way siblings help one another individuate. I have one rule- no physical violence. I also repeat certain mottos while they argue (with the hope of forming some of their internal dialogue in adult life).

[loraxc]

They don't hit, so that's good.

Ths is normal? Nothing to be done? Can I emphasize that they really yell and yell and yell and get very upset?

[loraxc]

Hellooooo? Is this thing on?

[lisavark]

Sorry, no ideas here at all, but I think your kids' conversations are hilarious.

Dey ARRRRE!!!!

Maybe they'll both grow up to be lawyers and really rich?

[Grace and Granola]

I have two boys ages 3 and 4. And they are the same way. Older is perfectionist, teacher, critic, judge. Younger is a contrarian. It has been this way since younger turned 18 months. I guess that's when he really had a voice. I have posted the same question on this board and am always shocked at the lack of replies!! Either it is soooo normal that it doesn't bother anyone else, or it's very rare and no one has experience! The one book I read that I liked (and I've read them all!) is called, Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me! Try it

[Tjej]

4 1/2 DD and 2 1/2 yo DS here. They do this. I let them say things but I expect them to speak kindly to one another - if I catch them yelling at eachother or using mean tones I ask them to try again. I will also step into the conversation if I hear it going awry and say things like "ah, many fairies ARE girls (and then continue on with another thing for 15 seconds to break the cycle)" or "what a detailed tree. Look at the trees out the window there..." Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I always come back to expecting them to speak kindly/respectfully to one another.

And I try to help my DD just "let it go". If DS is really trying to get her goat I'll point it out to her that he is teasing her and we'll say "silly billy goat" or such. Oh, and just recently I have also invoked the idea with DD that "sometimes she can just BE THE BIG SISTER" (which means letting him be the baby and letting what is right/fair/whatever just go- she naturally is quite good at not fighting with other younger kids, so I encourage her to consider and do this sometimes with her brother as well).

Life is a work in progress.

HTH

Tjej

[SaoirseC]

Hopefully your DD will eventually learn to let others think what they want. Sometimes my DD (who is 3) will insist on something that's not true, and so not to "feed the troll" I simply say "oh, so you want to pretend that 2+2=5" or whatever it is that she's insisting on. Maybe you could seed their conversation with this tactic? Or you could tell DD that DS wants to pretend something's true (even if you tell her this when he's not around to hear, and let her know that he doesn't want to say he's pretending). Chances are, they will find something else to bicker about, or your DS will find another way to annoy his older sister.

BTW, I would really recommend the book "Siblings without Rivalry". The authors make a really great point that you really can't prevent kids from arguing or driving each other nuts, but you can minimize that impact on you (and also set ground rules, like maybe no yelling or attempting to hurt each other). Not sure if the 2 year old will be able to follow the ground rules as well, due to his age, but it's worth a try. Anyway, that book also makes suggestions as to how to reduce the amount of bickering and fighting that goes on.

[alegna]

Do you have my kids?

-Angela

[Grace and Granola]

I just remembered! This might work for your dd. I recently talked to my older ds about how many people can have different opinions on the same thing. And that's ok. And it doesn't do any good to go back and forth when two people have very clear opinions. So, I told him that when he can't get his brother to see his way or if little brother insists BROWN is GREY....then he can just say, "I disagree!" Boy this has been awesome. He can say it nicely or even in a huff. But either way, it stops the conversation and it isn't RUDE!

[loraxc]

I just bought both of those books!

Sometimes my DD (who is 3) will insist on something that's not true, and so not to "feed the troll" I simply say "oh, so you want to pretend that 2+2=5" or whatever it is that she's insisting on. Maybe you could seed their conversation with this tactic?

I did do something sort of like this--I taught her to say, for instance, "Okay, the tree is gray, riiiiiight?" and then wink at me. Problem is, DS has caught on. In the above example, I can imagine him yelling "I AM NOT PRETENDING!!" He really is a big part of this, but despite being very verbal, he's only 28 months and not terribly reasonable. Too young to use any sort of logical consequence that I can think of, too.

I will try "I disagree." When DD was little and would do this ("The sky is GREEN!") my stock phrase was "We have different ideas about that." That might work, but again, I think even if I got buy-in from DD, DS would just continue--"BUT IT IS GRAAAAAY!"