I want to, DH doesn't

[Stayathomemommy]

Well i have always dreamed of abopting. i have always said since i was little that i would adopt. Its in my heart. I see those in my family who have adopted (one aunt adopted 6 children, one family of 4, ages 2,3,4,4, 5,6!) I see what a blessing it is for my family and for the adopted children to finally have a family and a home. I watch adoption stories on TV and cry and my heart just screams that this is what i want to do too!!

I have a 3 year old, twin one year olds and my husband and i are only 22. We live paycheck to paycheck so right now wouldnt be the right time anyway but it usually takes such a long process. i am also doing Natural Family Planning so i could end up having more of my own. I would rather adopt then have more myself but we arent going to do birth control so i dont know that i will be able to keep from getting pregnant at some point. i am not very good at natural family planning.

anyway. my question is that my husband doesnt feel the same as i do. i wouldnt nessesarily want a baby. maybe a toddler and i think he worries about how it would change the dinamics of our family.....he just doesnt have this burning desire like i do. and we already have 3 children so he is happy with that.

Did any of you have to change your husbands mind?

[EFmom]

I wouldn't work on changing his mind. This is one decision, like the decision to become pregnant, where both people need to be entirely on the same page.

You will have to pass a homestudy in order to adopt. That generally consists of interviewing the two of you separately and together and covering your feelings about family, about the adoption, and about a host of other things. If your husband is honest (which he most certainly should be), he would come across to the social worker as being ambivalent at best about the adoption, which should be a huge red flag.

You are quite young yet. Why rush adoption at this point, especially if you are not financially settled? Give it time, but don't harp on it.

I do know people where one of the couple has changed their mind over time. I am one of those people. I was content to be happy after the adoption of our first child. She is such a joy, with no big health, emotional or psychological issues. I didn't want to tempt fate, and I wasn't ready to disrupt the balance of our ideal (for me) little family. But my dh wanted another. He planted the seed and backed off. Eventually I came around on my own. If he'd pushed it, I would have pushed right back.

[Stayathomemommy]

Thank you. we are definately not ready at all. i was just thinking to the future. I am always asking family and friends about the process to learn more and see if it would be for us. My husband isnt totally against it. we have talked in the past and he has said what would be his ideal aged child and that he would want to adopt within the USA. so he isnt a closed book. someday maybe.