Do You Do Sit-Down Dinners?

[Turquesa]

Having this ritual is very important to me, and I want to find a way to make it work. I do cook every night, but we never manage to sit down together to eat what I prepare. I'm a SAHM, and DH gets home from work at 6:30.

He usually goes to the bathroom/changes into something comfortable/dawdles around until 7:00pm. So we couldn't start until then.

I usually have meetings and other commitments at least a couple of nights per week, so I'm partly to blame.

DD (age 3) is a notoriously picky eater who won't eat a bite of what I cook, so she'll probably just sit and count the minutes until she can get up again.

By 7:30 or 8:00, DS (baby) is getting crabby and ready for bed.

In short, it seems like all of the forces are against us. If you do sit-down dinners, please tell me how I could make it work!! Thanks.

[bcblondie]

Talk about forces against you. My dh works shift work. So every other week he's gone til midnight.

Growing up we ALWAYS had sit down meals and the structure was fantastic for us. Although we were often done in a third the time it took my mom to cook the food. lol. But at least it was family time. Where-as otherwise we're all off doing our own thing.

I desperately want sit down meals for my family as well. Sit and pray and read the Bible. The whole works. But when DH is gone, we kinda just eat whenever...

I guess maybe as DS get's older (he's 1.5) I'll be forced to make proper meals for school and then dinner when he gets home....

[annettemarie]

If dinner doesn't work, could breakfast? For a while, DH would come home at noon and we would make lunch our big meal of the day.

[zinemama]

In our house, dh comes home around 5:30. I have supper ready. He goes upstairs and changes, then we eat.

I'd say the solution is to cut out your dh's "dawdling" time. He can do that after supper. If you eat earlier, you have more time. Have something simple ready for dd to eat; with us the default was bread and hummus, which the kids would always eat. That way she will eat with you. And when your baby is getting ready to sleep, the whole family will have eaten already.

[Sarah W]

(We both work) I try to know what I'm cooking before that evening. I'll put the meat in the fridge in the morning so I don't have to worry about thawing it out right before I cook. For us, whoever gets home first usually cooks, but not always. DH will cook a lot even if I get home a few minutes before he does.

With children as young as yours are, I'd try to have food ready by the time he got home. I know it is tough to wait to decompress, but would be better overall if he ate as soon as he got home, then piddled around. I think that anything past 7ish is starting to be too late to eat.

[mamadelbosque]

My dad doesnt get home till 5:30 and DH gets home by then usually too, but we have tae kwon do at 6:30 two nights a week and Dh has volunteer fire fighting at 7 one night a week, so I typically have to have dinner on the table by 5:30-5:45 in order to make it to those on time... which means that often my dad and/or Dh are literally walking int he door and eating, w/o changing or sitting around and relaxing or anything. If your DH isn't willing to do that, then it obviously won't work.

My DS1 is 3 and fairly picky too, but he still has to sit down and eat dinner w/ us - even if all he's eating is the rice or plain noodles, or whatever. I refuse to cater and make him a seperate meal, but I realzie thats not everyones choice.

Good luck!!

[philomom]

My hubby gets a few minutes to wash his hands and check the mail... then we sit down. Dinner is at 6:15 most nights.

[rightkindofme]

We actually more of our 'bonding time' at breakfast. My darling husband gets up and makes breakfast every day and we hang out talking for quite a while as we eat. We get up with a really lot of time to spare so we can do this because evenings are harder for us.

We do sit down and eat dinner together and focus on family time 4-6 nights a week too. We do this by not having many outside commitments and not doing any thing for 'grown up time' until after our daughter is in bed.

[lilyka]

Pick a meal any meal. Is there any meal you guys can sit down to as a family? If not I still think it is vital to sit down and share food with your family. There is something almost holy about it. Could you and your dd find just one meal to sit and relax and eat? her and her dad? you and your husband? Even just a snack when the baby is napping in the afternoon. maybe that would help her make it until dh was ready for dinner!


Really for us sitting down for a meal has to be the priority to make it happen (says the woman shoving a sandwhich in her mouth at the computer while the kids are running around with carrtots in their moutch....but we do it most nights. Summer and the infinite play time sorta wrecks all our routiens.). We do not do evening activities (except church as a family) with the kids. no afterschool activities during the school year. everything gets turned off during supper. music, phones, tv computer.

It helps that I am the only adult. but even when I was married I just had to chose to wait for dh or not. Since he rarely came home I did not feel it was a priority to work around his schedule. If he had consistantly come home around nine or something I would have worked around that. we homeschooled and could sleep in in the mornings and have our whole day later if we needed to. With the kids in PS that is not an option so I would likely do dinner at a reasonable time for us and encourage dh to get the kids up and have breakfast with them in the morning.

[mojobin]

I think the idea about sitting down for breakfast is great! At night your family could spend from 7:30 to 8:00 (after dad has eaten) winding down for the night and getting ready for bed. If baby goes to bed first, you can share a later family time with just your toddler. You can have meaningful moments as a family without the meal. The dinner is ideal and you should strive to get there, but it isn't everything.

I also agree about expecting your 3 year to sit with you or at least stay at/very near the table during all meals (sitting on lap, playing with figures at table, drawing, standing, etc.) Then she will be in on the conversations you're having and begin to learn proper mealtime norms for later on.

[AnnieA]

All good ideas. I would also add that it is helpful to get in the habit of "food is eaten at the table". We do all meals and snacks at the table unless we are on the road or running errands and then snack is done in the car. So regardless of whether DH is home in time for dinner, which he usually is, we sit down for our meals. During the summer that means that we sit down for lunch and dinner together every day. Breakfast is still eaten at the table but we have a range of about 3 hours between when DSS 9 wakes up (usually around 6 AM) and when DSS 15 wakes up (usually around 9 AM). So you eat breakfast when you get hungry. Sometimes you may have a companion or sometimes it may just be me drinking my coffee with whoever is at the table. For dinner, DH is usually walking in the door, washing his hands and sitting down. If it's too much past 6 and the kids are starving, we go ahead and start.

[Fuamami]

We do it almost every night, but dh usually comes right in the door, washes his hands, and we eat. It's really gotten a lot easier in the past six months, I think my kids turned some corner or something. I also have started doing this thing where every night one of them is "sous-chef", one is "server", and one is "bus-boy or bus-girl". Then they get Sunday off. It helps me have everything ready as soon as dh gets there.

[cappuccinosmom]

We do, everynight.

And it's with dh or without. I'd rather have him there, but if his work makes it impossible or he chooses to do something else, nothing I can do about that.

What I would do (in regards to your dh) is time the meal for around 6:45. When the food is on the table and you're ready to sit down, holler "Suppertime", and he can continue dawdling or join his family, his choice. Alternatively, you could just have your "sit down" meal earlier, for the kids sake, and join him for conversation when he's home and ready to eat.

We have had supper together every night since day 1, so the idea that they could be doing something else, or eating somewhere else, just isn't in my children's brains. Since you're starting later, you may need to be really conciencious and push the issue for a while until it becomes a settled habit.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Sarah W

(We both work) I try to know what I'm cooking before that evening. I'll put the meat in the fridge in the morning so I don't have to worry about thawing it out right before I cook. For us, whoever gets home first usually cooks, but not always. DH will cook a lot even if I get home a few minutes before he does.

With children as young as yours are, I'd try to have food ready by the time he got home. I know it is tough to wait to decompress, but would be better overall if he ate as soon as he got home, then piddled around. I think that anything past 7ish is starting to be too late to eat.

We are in the same situation. Dinner is ready when he gets home and even if I have to nag, I remind him that this is our kids' only time with him, and I beg him to sit down with us. He gets off at a different time each day so it makes it hard. We eat as early as possible (5:30), and we eat at 6:45 at the absolute latest, even if it's without him. This means that sometimes we don't have a bath before the bedtime routine and it makes me sad but I'd rather have a sit-down dinner.

It is tough. Best of luck!

[mamazee]

Luckily, my dh likes sit-down dinners too. He knows dinner will be ready at 6 and so he makes sure he's home for that. If he cant' be home, he calls me ASAP and I try to hold off the time, but we eat by about 6:30 regardless or we have trouble with bedtime routines. Much of his work can be done at home, so if there's more to be done he does it after dinner from home. Very, very rarely is he not home for dinner.

I guess in your situation I agree with PPs who suggested sitting down for a different meal, like breakfast.

[mtiger]

We do, most nights. BUT.... my kids are a lot older and we eat much later (like 9, 9:30ish). I think you got some good suggestions in trying to get one meal all together, whichever one works best for your schedules.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I'd say the solution is to cut out your dh's "dawdling" time. He can do that after supper. If you eat earlier, you have more time. Have something simple ready for dd to eat; with us the default was bread and hummus, which the kids would always eat. That way she will eat with you. And when your baby is getting ready to sleep, the whole family will have eaten already.

This and I would evaluate your other commitments and maybe whittle them down to what is really, really important. Maybe set a limit to once a week? (that is our family limit, one evening meeting a week)

Growing up, our meal times were all over the place. My dad worked long hours and my mom went to college at night. One thing I do remember is that when everyone got home, we all sat at the table. Maybe I had already fixed my own dinner but I was expected to join mom and dad as they had their meal. It was enjoyable and a lasting memory. We would sit and talk as my dad sorted through the mail, all talking about our day. On weekends, we always sat down together.

DH was raised by his grandfather who had all the time in the world to cook for DH and half of the neighborhood so DH was also very much used to sit down family meals.

As a result, we always sit down together. It is very rare that we don't.

[Alyantavid]

We do every night. If dh's working late, the kids and I eat at the regular time and dh eats when he gets home. If he is working late (1-2 times per week) he isn't home until almost 8, which is when the kids go to bed.

We both work and have a kid in daycare and one in school. Dinner is the only time we can do this and it is very important to me.

[aussiemum]

When the kids were younger it was a lot easier to sit down together every night. It was a source of great pleasure to me, tbh, that we all shared dinner together.

Now that the kids are just that little bit older, we all have sports training, or one of us has some other commitment almost every night of the week, so it is much more difficult. We tend to eat later so that we can all eat together, but still we only manage all four of us around the table at the same time about 5 dinners each week. Breakfast is just chaos here, I can't remember the last time I sat down to breakfast with my family.

[BetsyS]

I've only been able to manage this as my kids have gotten older, and their bedtime has been pushed back (used to be no later than 7pm, but as they're getting older, they can stay up until closer to 8).

My dh gets home around 6, and we eat shortly after that. I give him time to change clothes, then I start hollering up the stairs that supper is ready. And, we sit and eat. My dh likes to eat. So, he's not one that is going to dawdle too long if he knows that it's ready. There have been some times that I've had to go ahead nad sit down and start eating without him, though. His loss.

My kids are 22 months and almost 4, if that helps. Until the last couple of months, I've fed them ahead of time (around 5), then they played with Daddy from 6-7, then bedtime, then dh and I would eat after they went to bed. Not ideal, but we did what we had to for a while.