SIL outed our pregnancy on Facebook!!

[Qbear'smama]

I just have to vent about this!! DH told me today that he told his sister we're pregnant. So without consulting us, doesn't she jump on fb and write a congratulations on my wall? WTF!! I am not a fb junkie or a 12-year-old, but facebook is how I stay in touch with a lot of good friends who live far away and people I just don't get to see very often. And I have been waiting to announce it until we hear a heartbeat, which the midwife could not find last week at 12 weeks and which we hope to hear next week at 14 weeks. But DH nonetheless decided to graciously tell his sister we're pregnant. I removed her post, but really I am so annoyed!! What an idiot!! I know I am probably extra pissed because I am hormonal, but come on!! Use your #$^& head, SIL!!!!!! It's funny because when he told me he told her, I kinda thought "hmmm, I wonder if she would be thoughtless enough to write something on facebook? Nah!" Um, yup!

[Monkey Keeper]

My sister did something similar, and then one of her friends did too!! I removed her friend's post, but hers was her status--and it was a little cryptic. So I sent her a message about it, and she got all pissy, saying that the world didn't revolve around me. And I was only 7w at the time--we had only told immediate family!

All that to say I get where you're coming from!!

[dannic]

Wow! I would never tell someone else's special news! Lame!

[hollytheteacher]

I know how you feel. I actually ended up telling tons of people and putting it on fb myself so that I wouldn't have to worry about someone else doing it. I did get a few "congrats" before i even put it so I knew the questions would roll in.


That is the trouble with social networking...sometimes news does travel a little too fast!

[paintedfire]

Originally Posted by dannic

Wow! I would never tell someone else's special news! Lame!

Lame is about the only word for it. So sorry your SIL ruined your big news!

[Jane]

You can delete it off your wall!

[milosmomma]

Ugh....this is my fear, and I'm not even pregnant! I was actually just thinking about this today. There are several people on FB- several members of DP's family and a few annoying former High School classmates- that I could completely see doing this if they found out. I was wondering just how much "hormonal rage" I could get away with and whether this could be justification for blocking and never speaking to again.

[Adallae]

We had the exact same thing happen, only it was my MIL! By the time DH caught it, all of his friends and several family members (whom we had not spoken to yet) had already seen it.

[paintedfire]

Originally Posted by Adallae

We had the exact same thing happen, only it was my MIL! By the time DH caught it, all of his friends and several family members (whom we had not spoken to yet) had already seen it.

Yeesh! This is exactly why I do not have a FB page or a MS account. I've been tempted to Twitter, but my job has prevented that. Maybe once I'm unemployed . . .

[foodmachine]

I'm sorry you're upset Qbear. I guess SIL is just excited and ummmm....naive.

[Qbear'smama]

Thanks for the responses, they made me feel better. DH thought I was overreacting to be angry and didn't think it was a big deal, but I think it's more because he felt like I was blaming him (which I wasn't) and he was feeling defensive. Anyway, I did remove it and I am not letting this stop me from announcing it when I want to. No one commented on it, so I have no idea if anyone saw it...I guess I just figured that fb has been around long enough that people get the etiquette attached to it...yes, foodmachine, I agree maybe she's just naive.

[LZP]

Oh No! I'm glad you were able to delete it, but still. Ugh. especially with a hard-won pgncy, sometimes it's nice to savor it privately for a while. Hope no one saw it before you took it down. will you say anything to her about it?

happened to me as well. A good friend's teenage sister (very sweet, and very well-meaning) outed me. thank goodness, on my own page too so I could delete it when I saw it. we were about 16 weeks, but had still only told immediate family and closest friends. She felt terribly about it, but still... you would think with not a mention of it on the page that you might keep it to yourself?!

[Qbear'smama]

I would say something to her personally, but I don't want to be perceived as overreacting to this, either. I am sure there is already eye rolling over some choices I am vocal about with DD (like ILs giving her candy and junk, what she watches on tv in their presence, the kind of toys they buy her, etc) I feel like this would be "just another thing she's upset about" You don't think she'll post something else? If she sees her post gone? I just spoke to DH, he's going to email her and let her know we haven't told everyone yet so please don't post anything else on fb. Sigh! I agree LZP, if you didn't see it on someone's page, it's a good bet it's private. Like posting "Hey Bill, sorry to hear about your divorce" on someone's wall, this is the example I gave DH about personal things we want to reveal on our own time. He thought that was a bad example because "a baby is good news and I want everyone to know" I suspect there could be a gender gap here, but that is another thread!

[MaerynPearl]

Same happened to us with gender by MIL... I can't blame her though as df did not tell her it was not news we were sharing just yet and she was the first to find out PLUS it's her first bio-girl so I understand the excitement.

That said, genders a bit different than pregnancy itself and I would have been PISSED if they did that before we told the rest of the family and announced it ourselves.

[mbhf]

Some people just like to very pubicly be the "first to know" and posting on your facebook wall is the best way to let all of your friends and aquantances know that she knew before them.

A friend of mine just had a baby, and within 20 minutes of the birth her SIL and friend (who were present, the friend was watching her other children and SIL was with her MIL) had posted congratulations on her FB wall, and by the time she got on her computer to announce the birth and post a picture everyone already knew. She was disappointed that she didn't get to share the news herself.

[nia82]

I'd be upset as well. I'm cautious about news and who to share it with for that very reason. Some people just don't care for etiquette at all, whether Facebook or irl. I hope your sil won't say anymore about it now.

[Lit Chick]

That happened to me, with my aunt. She heard from my mom and immediately posted. That's how my MIL found out, before we could tell her later that day. I deleted the post ASAP, but it was hours before I was at a PC.
I was FURIOUS and wrote quite the scathing blurb on my wall warming people to NEVER post personal info unless the person they were gossiping about had given the OK. Then I unfriended all the random people I had collected but were not really friends with.

My aunt was hurt, sent me a nasty email, and unfriended me, and behaved like a brat.
And then I miscarried. Then she realized what a jerk she had been, because my mother told her how unpleasant it was for me to un-tell all the people she had told, that would not have known if she'd kept her nose out of it.

Even if all goes well, it is NEVER NEVER ok to announce someone's news for them.

(I'm still PO'ed, and this was almost a year ago!)

[Qbear'smama]

Originally Posted by Lit Chick

That happened to me, with my aunt. She heard from my mom and immediately posted. That's how my MIL found out, before we could tell her later that day. I deleted the post ASAP, but it was hours before I was at a PC.
I was FURIOUS and wrote quite the scathing blurb on my wall warming people to NEVER post personal info unless the person they were gossiping about had given the OK. Then I unfriended all the random people I had collected but were not really friends with.

My aunt was hurt, sent me a nasty email, and unfriended me, and behaved like a brat.
And then I miscarried. Then she realized what a jerk she had been, because my mother told her how unpleasant it was for me to un-tell all the people she had told, that would not have known if she'd kept her nose out of it.

Even if all goes well, it is NEVER NEVER ok to announce someone's news for them.

(I'm still PO'ed, and this was almost a year ago!)

Lit Chick how horrible! mbhf, the story you told was bad as well. It just seems like common courtesy not to announce someone else's news, doesn't it? I'm not surprised how many people this has happened to, but it makes me go and

[khaoskat]

Umm..yea, I can totally relate.

We kept our last pregnancy quiet from everyone because of my history with pregnancy loss...our plans were really to just tell people after baby was born.

Well, MIL decided to announce it to my parents, because she found out totally by accident through a mutual friend who figured it out early on...

She waited till I was almost due....and the message she left on my Mom's facebook page about the pregnancy was not really polite if you know her and my history (MIL and myself that is).

That is one of the reasons we did not tell -- her big mouth posting it all over the web and to every family member in the world...

[queenofjuly]

Yes, sadly this happened to me, too. My MIL posted it on her facebook page...minutes after my husband told her and without consulting me first (MIL not husband). In fact, I had only told my own mother and had just told my sister. I had not even finished telling members of my own immediate family before she posted it on her facebook page (so there was nothing I could do to remove it) telling 80 of her closest friends and acquaintances. It made me sad, as this is my first baby.
Anyway, some people just have to be the ones "in the know" and they cannot keep their mouth shut...have no common sense or common courtesy that I might have been the one who wants to announce happy news. Bottom line is it is OUR news (my husband and I) not HER news to share. It was not on my facebook page (and still isn't), so why did she think it was okay to put it on her page as her status?? My husband and I had to disable comments on our pages, because I was afraid someone would post on there.
I talked to her several days later and made it very clear that I was just telling immediate family right now--she made no comment and asked me if she could be at the hospital when I gave birth. Umm...yeah, in the waiting room, but you are not coming in.
I am just making sure that she will be the absolute last person to know any news. Some people have good intentionsl; they just cannot keep any secret. Period.