Best friends 6yr old boy too rough

[Camile Rynd]

I need your help with this one. My best friend has a 6 yr old boy is rough and inconsiderate with my 2 yr old boy to the extent that my husband has requested that he not be allowed to come over any play anymore! I spend a lot of time with my best friend, and us not getting together is not an option. That being said, something needs to be done about the way this child interacts with mine.

We have a mommies night on Tuesday and all the kids and mommies get together and play. The 6 yr old has intentionally destroyed my sons things, kicked him in the ear hard enough that it swelled, split, and bruised, pushed him down (many many times), is rude and just plain inconsiderate to my son. It's very frustrating. I walked in to the play room last night and he was smashing a toy that I had just bought my son!

We get plenty of social time with other children and no one else we have play dates with/interact with is like this. I feel my son is being bullied half of the time and that I can't trust this child to be alone with my son! Mind you, I let him work out his conflicts with other children his own age, unless it becomes physical.

It seems that the gentle reminders over and over again, for two years now, is not working for the 6 yr old. He doesn't have any sort of real consequences for his behavior other than a time out or a reminder. He did have to replace a poster that he intentionally shredded, because, "he didn't like it". I am beginning to dread him coming over.

HELP!

[Alison's Mom]

Yikes! I would probably talk to your friend and just say you are really concerned about your DS getting injured by rough play, since he is much younger and smaller than her DS. I would do it without accusing your friend of being a bad parent as much as possible, but get the point across that enough is enough. I would also try not to blame your DH by telling her what he said, as that could backfire, but say that you and your DH have had numerous conversations about it and are concerned. Maybe suggest that the two of you stay in the room where the kids are playing when you get together so you can intervene before it gets physical?

It's hard to have that conversation where you are in essence criticizing the other person's parenting. Good luck.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Alison's Mom

Yikes! I would probably talk to your friend and just say you are really concerned about your DS getting injured by rough play, since he is much younger and smaller than her DS. I would do it without accusing your friend of being a bad parent as much as possible, but get the point across that enough is enough. I would also try not to blame your DH by telling her what he said, as that could backfire, but say that you and your DH have had numerous conversations about it and are concerned. Maybe suggest that the two of you stay in the room where the kids are playing when you get together so you can intervene before it gets physical?

It's hard to have that conversation where you are in essence criticizing the other person's parenting. Good luck.

I agree with this. If that doesn't work then I think you should only do things with your friend and not with her son.

[mom2grrls]

Don't leave the kids alone if you want them to continue to come over. I don't think i'd want my 6 y/o to play with a 2 y/o unsupervised. Have you talked to your friend about it?

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I wouldn't leave them unsupervised. I don't really leave my 2.5yr old unsupervised ever.

For some kids that age difference is really hard (other would be fine, ds has a 6 yo friend and they play great together, although they do play very physical)

I would set up activities instead of free play to give the visit more structure.

I would establish rules/boundaries that are for all kids in your house. I.e. if you are trying to break a toy then you cannot have that toy it goes away. We have a rule that if an object is becoming a "conflict item" (i.e. everyone is fighting over who gets to play with the stroller) then it goes away, some people call it "toy time out" I usually say "This toy is causing conflict so I am putting it away until later, let's find something else to play with" it usually difussing the situation.

[oliversmum2000]

To be honest off the top of my head it sounds like the 6yo is jealous of your son. Is there any reason that you can think that this might be?

[LynnS6]

A six year old who split my child's ear open wouldn't be very welcome either.

Since you like this other mom a lot, you either need to supervise the 2 kids very very closely when you're together (which will make it hard to socialize with each other), or see her at times when her son isn't there. Either that or you need to have a heart to heart with his mom: I love you a lot, but I fear for my son's safety because your son is so much bigger. he doesn't seem to know how to play with much younger kids. If he's going to continue to come here, we need an effective plan to keep both kids safe."

The age difference between the kids is too great to have them be great playmates right now, and he's too rough.

[mojobin]

I completely agree that the age difference is too great. Besides you don't want your son to turn around and bully someone else's kid because of the bad behavior he is being subjected to.

[heartmama]

There is a reason schools group kids by age, and this is one of them. Anything more than a 3 year difference in age can create a situation that requires a great deal of supervision in order to avoid disasters like what you describe. Although *some* six year olds could be trusted to possess the self discipline to regulate their play to meet the needs of a 2 year old, many six year olds can't do this yet.

The kids might do better when they are 5 and 9, but at 6 and 2 you need to keep an eye on them. If you can't do that, hire a third person to keep an eye on them for mom's night. A teen would be perfect for that job.