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How do you respond when asked why?

post #1 of 65
6/9/10 at 3:06pm
Thread Starter 
I have a problem trying to find an answer when I think about people ask if we are circumcising or not. We definitely aren't but I don't want them to think I am looking down on them for choosing to do it, ya know? I can just see the conversation getting awkward. Any suggestions?
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post #2 of 65
6/9/10 at 3:25pm
I would just say it's an unnecessary surgery so we aren't doing it, it's true but not likely to make any one get defensive (unless they would no matter what you said).
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post #3 of 65
6/9/10 at 3:48pm
I would be honest which for me would be "we don't believe in unnecessary medical intervention". Also, In my case "our doctor does not recommend routine circ". I ended up having girls so don't know how well these work though.
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post #4 of 65
6/9/10 at 3:51pm
something like:
-we felt comfortable opting out of circing
-this is what seemed right for our family
-we had some concerns about circing and some concerns about not but in
the end felt more comfortable not circing (if you want to go in to more details this may open the door for an interesting discussion where you can address the other person's concerns - like: we were worried that he might be uncomfortable not looking like his peers but now the circ rate is about 50%, etc, etc).

I assume your concern is more with your peers rather than family? I think the discussion might be different if you're talking to the neighbor who has kids slightly older than yours vs. your mom.
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post #5 of 65
6/9/10 at 4:46pm
My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.
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post #6 of 65
6/9/10 at 5:01pm
I'd say something along the lines of, "we just feel it's an unnecessary surgery."
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post #7 of 65
6/9/10 at 5:17pm
I talk their ear off.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!
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post #8 of 65
6/9/10 at 5:28pm
I usually say that I don't feel like it's my decision to make for him since it's his penis and not mine.
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post #9 of 65
6/9/10 at 6:06pm
Because it is not recommended by any medical organization in the world and a lot of insurances dont cover it.

I believe we are born perfect the way we are and to remove a perfectly good body part makes no sense at all.

I have used this one once:

They still do that?!?!?
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post #10 of 65
6/9/10 at 6:22pm
I've only been asked once by my brother (who thought it was pretty cool I went against the grain, at least for my family). I ranted for about a half hour.

If someone asked me again I'd probably talk about how important I think the foreskin is and describe it in detail so they know it's not just "a little flap of skin" and how important I think it is that a person be allowed to make the decision for themselves someday.
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post #11 of 65
6/9/10 at 6:39pm
Good responses so far. Here are a few more, depending on your audience:

"After researching this subject, I have concluded that the best choice is to let him make the decision for himself."

or

"I haven't found anything that justifies the loss of function and feeling that a foreskin provides."

or

"If men were meant to have foreskin, they would have been born with one."

or

"A Foreskin is NOT a birth defect"

Regards
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post #12 of 65
6/9/10 at 7:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin23kate View Post
I talk their ear off.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!
THIS!! I would make an effort to answer their question with questions that opens discourse- not a flat "don't talk to me about this- case closed"

Something like: "I have been looking into circumcision quite a bit- and I'm very interested to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter!"
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post #13 of 65
6/9/10 at 7:12pm
The conversation with my father aside all the other friends that have actually expressed surprise went like

Friend "So did you circumcise?"
Me "No"
Friend "Really? Why not"
Me "Neither of us thought unnecessary penile surgery was a good idea"
Friend "So ... nice weather we have today?"
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post #14 of 65
6/9/10 at 7:48pm
I have to say, I have never ever been asked this question!
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post #15 of 65
6/9/10 at 7:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billikengirl View Post
My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.
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post #16 of 65
6/10/10 at 12:30am
Thread Starter 
Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??
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post #17 of 65
6/10/10 at 12:39am
I am having trouble believing that people actually ask this question! Surely the more pertinent question would be why do you choose to circumcise?
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post #18 of 65
6/10/10 at 1:00am
Can't imagine anyone asking either BUT... I would want them to know I thought their decision was wrong...

-Angela
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post #19 of 65
6/10/10 at 2:48am
My standard answer:

"I figure that if my boys were meant to have a forskin, they'd be born with one "
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post #20 of 65
6/10/10 at 1:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by angela1435 View Post
Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??
I think I can understand how you're feeling... and would feel the same way if I were ever asked the question (which in three years I have not been asked once, but I live in San Francisco area and I think lots of people aren't circ'ing here). So, if I were ever asked, I think I would say something light like "it just didn't seem necessary" and try to end the conversation. I mean, if you didn't want to have the conversation I would do something like that -- something that's not meant to provoke, that makes it sound like it was simply a choice I made and other people are free to make other choices and I'm not going to judge them for it.

Maybe I come from a different place because I don't feel "intactivist" about it at all, my DH is not circ'd (he's from Europe) and we've never even considered circumcision for DS. So it was never a big deal to me, just a personal choice. I don't think people will necessarily assume that you are judging them (unless you use language that is meant to provoke a reaction).
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