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How do you respond when asked why? - Page 2

post #21 of 65
6/10/10 at 4:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by angela1435 View Post
I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision.
I understand completely. The funny thing is, I *do* see them as having made the wrong decision, but it's too late and nobody can un-do it at this point. In this case, I'd try to get out of the conversation pretty quickly before I say something I shouldn't.

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post #22 of 65
6/10/10 at 5:01pm
The only questions I've gotten about keeping DS intact revolve around the "odd kid out" idea (oooh wouldn't want to be the weird guy in the locker room, ya know) so I just explain that with national circ rates hovering in the 50%'s, that 'stigma' doesn't really exist the way it might have a generation ago. Chances are, all boys are going to have questions about circumcision at some point, and I'd rather explain to my dear boy why we DIDN'T do that to him, than why we did.
post #23 of 65
6/10/10 at 5:24pm
It kind of seems like if someone is asking this question, then they are genuinely interested in becoming more educated. As a person you are entitled to believe that a friends decision is wrong. I have a close friend who's son is circed. it bothers me quite a bit because she is so open minded about so much and is so supportive of our decision to leave ds intact, that I don't lecture/rant/discuss it with her. I will be sure to drop intact information in her inbox if her next pregnancy is a boy, however. If you don't want to really discuss it with a friend, politely tell them your own reasons. Most of the time it's not what you say, it's how you say it
post #24 of 65
6/10/10 at 10:22pm
My usual response is "I have no right. It's not my body and I have absolutely no right to have a perfectly normal piece of it surgically removed." If it's someone I don't like, who's probably just asking to see what nutty idea the hippie's going to have now, I usually say something along the lines of "In what world is it ok to strap a baby to a board and take a scalpel to his penis??" That usually shuts them up. I don't want to alienate people, though, so I only use that if it's someone I know has no real interest in it whatsoever.
post #25 of 65
6/10/10 at 10:27pm
Wait, who is asking you guys these questions?? Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my son's genitals.
post #26 of 65
6/10/10 at 10:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by liliaceae View Post
Wait, who is asking you guys these questions?? Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my son's genitals.
It's come up several times at doctor's offices when I tell them not to retract. It's something I cover in my breastfeeding and childbirth classes, so people tend to ask if I had DS circ'd. I was also asked once at work because a coworker's grandson was having his circumcision revised because "They didn't cut enough off - he didn't even look circ'd!" because we all know what a tragedy THAT is. She knew I had a son and asked and I told her what I said before, that I had no right. Honestly, it was like one of those cartoons where the lightbulb lit up over her head. She looked at me wonderingly and said, "Wow, I never thought about it that way before."
post #27 of 65
6/10/10 at 11:26pm

*


Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 12:40pm
post #28 of 65
6/10/10 at 11:58pm
I see where you are coming from, but, at the same time, we are all going to regret decisions we've made. If you give them good information about why you don't circ, maybe they'll make that deicision in the future.
I used to feel the same way, about not circing, about breastfeeding, natural birth etc. I felt like if everyone knew what I knew, they would choose natural in the future, and regret not having done so in the past.
On the flip side though, there are plently of decisions I have made that were huge mistakes. I don't get offended when people give me their reasons for not choosing the mistakes that I chose.
post #29 of 65
6/11/10 at 1:52am
Answer their question with a question. If they ask you why you aren't circing/didn't circ, ask them why would/should you circ. Then, whatever answer they give you, you can give an honest answer and dispel any misconceptions they might have.
post #30 of 65
6/11/10 at 2:21am
only one person asked me.

her: so did you have him circumcised?

me: no.

her: are you going to have him circumcised?

me: no.

that was that!
post #31 of 65
6/11/10 at 2:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raine822 View Post
I would be honest which for me would be "we don't believe in unnecessary medical intervention". Also, In my case "our doctor does not recommend routine circ". I ended up having girls so don't know how well these work though.
This is what I say and it works. If people push I turn it back around in a nice way and ask them why did you choice to circ? Honestly it is the weirder choice.
post #32 of 65
6/12/10 at 10:36pm
we wouldn't do cosmetic surgery on our newborn.
post #33 of 65
6/12/10 at 10:55pm
I usually get all flustered and upset when someone asks me why. The whole idea of circing just upsets me so much I can't talk about it coherently IRL. I basically stammer out about how I feel that it's child abuse and no son of mine will ever have it done.
post #34 of 65
6/12/10 at 11:02pm
Turn it around - "Why on earth would any cut off the best part of their son's penis"

Or - "why would you think penile reduction surgery is a good idea?"
post #35 of 65
6/13/10 at 12:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by shishkeberry View Post
I usually get all flustered and upset when someone asks me why. The whole idea of circing just upsets me so much I can't talk about it coherently IRL. I basically stammer out about how I feel that it's child abuse and no son of mine will ever have it done.
This is similar to me. I was asked why I made the "choice" I did and I just replied, shocked, "I didn't make any choice. He was born that way." I kept on stammering about how the question should be "why" not "why not"...

The second time I was asked, I said, incredulously "Why would I do that?! There is not one medical association in the world that recommends it. I don't understand why anyone would make that choice."

These were just really honest answers. I was really surprised to be asked and didn't plan for being asked questions like that.
post #36 of 65
6/14/10 at 1:30am

no one has asked me. maybe because once in a while i post no-circ info on my facebook and they know my stance on it? it's a tough one. i can see how you would be a bit perplexed on how to approach it if the question came up. i suppose i would just say no. if they asked why i would tell them that there is no reason and that it is not medically necessary. then i would say his body, his choice. it may be a little uncomfortable, but only if they make it that way. it isn't likely that they will. most likely they will just want to know more on why it's not necessary (probably because they were told it was by a circ-happy doctor). i'm proud i left kai intact...i am proud of that, but i can definitely see where you're coming from. you don't want to come off to them in a way that makes them feel like really bad parents. heck...if i hadn't met my dh who is intact, i may have made the same mistake. i didn't know. i just thought it was the norm to circ. and they probably thought it was also.
i should add that if they didn't have children, or any boys for that matter i would say much much more. just wouldn't want to make a mother of a son(s) feel bad for a decision that she probably wouldn't have made had she been eductated on it in the 1st place.
post #37 of 65
6/14/10 at 3:28pm
We don't know if ours is a girl or boy yet but I think putting a baby through that much pain without a shred of medical benefit falls under the UN's definition of torture.

Inflicting severe pain without medical benefit against another person's will = torture
post #38 of 65
6/14/10 at 4:12pm
How about "We're praying that our baby is born healthy, and doesn't need an operation when he's a baby!"

Or, after he's born, it becomes "There was nothing wrong with his penis when he was born, so he didn't have to have surgery - thank goodness! I would have been a wreck!"
post #39 of 65
6/14/10 at 8:40pm
I just say that it's an unnecessary procedure and he can decide if he wants it done when he's older.

I haven't had many conversations about it, so I'm hoping keeping boys intact is becoming more "normal," or at least people I know are good at minding their own business.
post #40 of 65
6/15/10 at 12:02am
I was asked for the first time today!!

'So have you guys decided the whole circumcision thing?'

'yea, we're leaving him alone. I figure the guy has to learn to breathe and eat and maintain his body...why add pain and surgery to that?'

'cool! We didn't circumcise W either!'

'cool!'

'and don't let anyone give you crap about it!'


And that was that!!
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Health › Circumcision › How do you respond when asked why?