2 yo DD ripped her shoes apart - consequences? - Page 2

[Juvysen]

I'd call pedipeds and ask if they can send a replacement insert, and have a talk with my child about how we can't be ripping up our things. But then, that'd be my *ideal* reaction... I may well not handle it as well as that when emotions get in the mix (sorry, my 2 yo has been *really* trying lately - it's been difficult so I hear you on how irksome it is! s )

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by BetsyNY

"Very verbal" doesn't mean "older." Just because a child is "very verbal" does not mean they somehow are more mature, or possess more self-control than a child who's less verbal.

2-year-olds destroy things sometimes. I'd be annoyed too, but you have to chalk it up to "stuff happens."

Kinda like, DS is very verbal. He can talk, and make himself understood, about what he's doing (as he has started doing recently "I eat now" or "I hit now") but he doesn't understand the world beyond him and his actions at that very moment.

ETA: The only thing the verbal part does for the rest of us, is let us know a fraction of a second earlier when we need to intervene.

[EzzysMom]

OP here! Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I do agree that while my DD is very verbal, she does not understand the concept of ruined permanently and does expect me to fix everything. I had her throw out her shoes to help reinforce the concept (although I may go dig them out given the suggestions of new insoles).

I gotta say it's just been a rough day, no nap, and pregnancy hormones are rearing their heads. This just bothered me more than it should.

That said, she does usually listen when I yell stop, since I don't do it often, but I know that is not typical of her age either. Thanks for helping me think through this.

[nextcommercial]

Eh... at two, she doesn't realize that it can't be fixed. She probably completely expected it to be magically fixed.

If she were six, then I'd be more angry. But, even then, kids tend to do things to their clothes that makes you wonder what they were thinking. My daughter wanted a pair of $40 sneakers in fifth grade, and on the first day of wearing them, she drew all over them with ball point pens.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

i guess i have to disagree with the majority. :

I have a very verbal 2 yr old and i would fully expect her to obey me and put the shoes down. I would also come up with some sort of consequence if she destroyed perfectly good shoes. I guess I would come up with something she loves to do (for example, help let the dogs out), and then tell her she couldn't because her shoes were ruined. If she, on her own, came up with a substitute pair, I would accept that and let her help, but only if she came up with that solution on her own.

Gently, let me point out how it might feel from your dd's POV to know that the things she loves are always up for removal. I don't think it will encourage her to share with you, trust you, confide in you, or look to you as someone who will lovingly support her.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by EzzysMom

OP here! Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I do agree that while my DD is very verbal, she does not understand the concept of ruined permanently and does expect me to fix everything. I had her throw out her shoes to help reinforce the concept (although I may go dig them out given the suggestions of new insoles).

I gotta say it's just been a rough day, no nap, and pregnancy hormones are rearing their heads. This just bothered me more than it should.

That said, she does usually listen when I yell stop, since I don't do it often, but I know that is not typical of her age either. Thanks for helping me think through this.

Glad you were able to understand.

Personally I wouldn't bother trying to get replacements for a shoe that a 2 year old could rip apart on their own. I need to check the brand DS wears, because he has put those things through a whole lot and they still look pretty darn new.

[Marsupialmom]

You talk to her about it then let it go.

Honestly, IMO, for a 2 year old to tear a shoe apart that easy the shoe was poorly made and not worth the emotions -- easier said that done when pregnant.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Consequences to a 2 year old ripping her shoes apart?

Call the company and tell them they make crap shoes for 2 year olds. Then go out and buy a different brand.

This. A pair of shoes for 2 year olds should be sturdy enough to hold up to a 2 year old playing with them. My DD wore See Kai Run shoes at that age. They are very flexible. We bought most of them on ebay because of the cost of the ones from the actual company. You should call the company. With our last pair of See Kai Run shoes, the insoles became unglued after getting wet inside. I sent the company a picture and called them and they sent us a new pair of shoes.

Also it doesn't matter how verbal a 2 year old is they still don't have much impulse control.

[Ravin]

I suggest Preschoolians, if you can afford them. The insoles come out easily, (I seem to recall numerous occasions of having to hunt for them because DD took them out and left them somewhere as a toddler) but if any part of the shoe fails to hold up to the child's wear they'll replace it. They're guaranteed to not wear out.

As for consequences, being stuck with her other pair of shoes (though honestly at that age my DD only had 1 pair of shoes to begin with) and being shoeless in the car for a week or so (i.e., a bit longer than she's likely to even remember the incident) would be plenty. And those aren't punitive--I wouldn't be running out to buy new shoes because they aren't in the budget, and would want to preserve the remaining pair.

[madskye]

Funny, while I was reading this thread last night my 5 YO left her flipflops on the floor in the living room and our 7 month old lab puppy ate half of one.

Her favorite flipflops! And now they are RUINNNNNNNNNNED. She is bummed out. Shoes are supposed to go in her room with the door closed for the dog...

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would buy cheaper shoes. Really, if she's going to be breaking things she doesn't get "nice" (read: expensive) things until she doesn't break them anymore.

I buy cheap shoes for my son (they last what, a few months tops at this age??) and then if something happens to them I can buy a new pair for not much money.

[Drummer's Wife]

Hey, at least they didn't get thrown out the car window! I have to lock my youngest window now.

I can't think of any logical consequence, TBH, besides taking shoes off in the car and buying more sturdy, undestructable ones.

[oliversmum2000]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Consequences to a 2 year old ripping her shoes apart?

Call the company and tell them they make crap shoes for 2 year olds. Then go out and buy a different brand.

That's exactly what I was thinking. If she could tear them apt then they must have been very poorly made. I would go back and ask fir my money back, it's not jut about the money there is also a safety element involved too.

[hildare]

Originally Posted by loraxc

As we joke in our house, "the child is not yet under voice control."

[Pumpkin_Pie]

I would think an appropriate consequence is no shoes in the car. I would have no problem taking shoes off after getting into the car seat and putting them back on when you get where you are needing to go. It doesn't hurt anyone and your DD will most likely make the connection. If she doesn't, at least her shoes aren't trashed in the car.

[mumkimum]

You could have her, and you, pull out a bunch of shoes and clean them together - with the focus on "this is a way to explore our shoes that's also good for them - it's good to take care of the things we have". Sortof a 'consequence', also a teaching tool for taking care of shoes so they stay in good condition.

I'm also with the complain to the company camp here.

[sapphire_chan]

Wow, she was able to tear apart shoes that were in one piece? I have a pair of shoes that I got at a thrift store, dd wore for several months and then I cut out the toes so she could still fit in them when she wanted to wear them after she out grew them. So very old cheap shoes that are already cut up and I don't think dd could tear them apart.

I think whenever you find yourself thinking "she should know better" it's time to come up with a solution that doesn't depend on your kid knowing better.

Not getting new shoes until she outgrows her current pair is reasonable, she doesn't really need more than one pair anyway. Taking off her shoes in the car is sensible, but probably less effective than making sure she's got things that are okay to play with. I'd also keep a toy or two upfront with you so if you hear mischief you can hand back a toy (make them soft so you can just drop them on her) as a distraction.

Frankly, anything "more" would just be about trying to make her feel bad for something that isn't in a toddler's capacity to actually feel bad about. Scream into your pillow about why toddlers are : froot loops and move on with life.

[sunshadow]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Frankly, anything "more" would just be about trying to make her feel bad for something that isn't in a toddler's capacity to actually feel bad about. Scream into your pillow about why toddlers are : froot loops and move on with life.

I agree. One thing I'm trying to tell myself is to remember the age. Am I punishing my child to teach her a lesson that she isn't capable yet to learn so I feel better? Even with my 3 year old daughter at times I just have to accept that she isn't going to get it and the behavior might even continue. I can explain to her why I am upset about it and move on. I am coming to terms with the fact that things get ruined and sometimes she gets hurt, but they are only things and she heals. I can't go around making it just a negative environment all the time when she is just learning about her world. In time she will learn.

[lach]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

I would think an appropriate consequence is no shoes in the car. I would have no problem taking shoes off after getting into the car seat and putting them back on when you get where you are needing to go. It doesn't hurt anyone and your DD will most likely make the connection. If she doesn't, at least her shoes aren't trashed in the car.

ITA. At the very least, she won't rip apart any more shoes! For a while, my DD took off her shoes in the car, so I stopped putting them on her until we arrived at our destination. But I didn't really think of it as a punishment: just a labor saving strategy for me Especially since she'd throw her shoes after taking them off, so I'd have to crawl under the car seats to get them. Or she'd hand them to her brother and he'd be chewing on the soles of her very dirty shoes: yuck. And if she did ask to put them on, I'd tell her that sorry, but she always took them off so I wouldn't put them on until we got there. Eventually I started putting her in them and all was fine.