I have been reading alot of posts in this forum and TAO lately ... and sooo many of them strike a chord with me! I suppose I'm not really sure if I'm asking for advice or just needing an "outlet" but here goes....
I grew up in a very loving home, but was not a very pleasant teen (especially to my mom..you know, hormones, etc). At 18, I had a boyfriend (for the next 6 yrs) who was most likely emotionally abusive and who (I later learned) my parents COULD NOT STAND! However, everything I went through with that bf helped me really learn who *I* am AND to truly appreciate my DH - once I "finally" met him (at 26).
DH and I are happy and overall have a pretty good life. We have a decent house and, in fact, live next door to my parents (something I would have said would NEVER happen if you'd asked me 10-15 yrs ago) which is actually very, very nice! Our boys are nearly 4 and just turned 2. I quit my job as an SLP in a major area hospital when ds1 was 9 months old so that I could be a SAHM. (I do still do PRN work when I can). We found out a month after that we were preg with ds2 (ds1 was 10 months old at the time).
I LOVE that I am blessed to be able to stay home with my boys, but there are days that I just feel...overwhelmed? sad? I'm not really sure. Ds1 is (and was from the get go) a HIGH need child - whose basic personality traits are from me. So, he's "like me" but more intensely expressed in personality than I am (or was). That means that he "pushes my buttons" pretty easily and then I find myself screaming. I always feel HORRIBLE for screaming at my son and want desperately to change that! I want to have a "normal" and *only* nurturing relationship (not a "screaming" one).
So that's one thing. The other is that, during and since our (Bradley) birth class I've learned more and more about natural stuff and "alternative" medical stuff and all that. I feel great about that, but it also makes me question a bit my "profession" (I have a Master's degree - have to to have a job in my profession). There are times that I really think I'd love to "do something different" with my life (career wise), but can't really find it "appropriate" to "waste" all of my education?!? For instance, I think in another life, I would have liked to be a personal trainer, an archeologist (yep that's way "out there), or more recently, a true "green profession". I'd love to be able to make herbal/aromatherapeutic stuff (lotions and "potions" stuff) but don't really have the knowledge (or business drive) to do so. Anyway, the one of my biggest worries (other than all worries related to kids growing up) is what I'm going to do when I go back to work (which I'll have to do once both boys are in school - financially, we need my income - we "make do" right now with me staying home).
As an SLP, I do like what I do - especially the pt/family educating aspect of it and the diagnostic side. With that said, I do really love acute care (hospital) work BUT don't necessarily want to go back to that once the boys are in school b/c the hours and schedules (working weekends, holidays, summers, etc) would mean not getting alot of time with my kids. The other major option would be to work in a school system - that would, of course, give me "school system" schedule (no weekends, holidays, summers, etc). HOWEVER, I am terrified that I'll be bored out of my mind in such a setting - seeing the same kids for the same kinds of therapy day after day, week after week, school yr after school yr. And, I really don't know HOW do "school stuff" (from an SLP standpoint) and it would be a bit like a whole new career.
So, I worry about it. I worry what I'll want to do, what will be available and whether or not I'll get any fulfillment from it when that time comes. I know it still 2-3 yrs away, but, to some degree, I kinda need to start preparing now (CEU's for example) if I'm gonna change what I've always done and do schools instead.
Um, sorry if this is all rambly and incoherent (the boys woke up about half way through
) And, I suppose, while it has been nice just to "share" i think I do also want input and/or advice 
I grew up in a very loving home, but was not a very pleasant teen (especially to my mom..you know, hormones, etc). At 18, I had a boyfriend (for the next 6 yrs) who was most likely emotionally abusive and who (I later learned) my parents COULD NOT STAND! However, everything I went through with that bf helped me really learn who *I* am AND to truly appreciate my DH - once I "finally" met him (at 26).
DH and I are happy and overall have a pretty good life. We have a decent house and, in fact, live next door to my parents (something I would have said would NEVER happen if you'd asked me 10-15 yrs ago) which is actually very, very nice! Our boys are nearly 4 and just turned 2. I quit my job as an SLP in a major area hospital when ds1 was 9 months old so that I could be a SAHM. (I do still do PRN work when I can). We found out a month after that we were preg with ds2 (ds1 was 10 months old at the time).
I LOVE that I am blessed to be able to stay home with my boys, but there are days that I just feel...overwhelmed? sad? I'm not really sure. Ds1 is (and was from the get go) a HIGH need child - whose basic personality traits are from me. So, he's "like me" but more intensely expressed in personality than I am (or was). That means that he "pushes my buttons" pretty easily and then I find myself screaming. I always feel HORRIBLE for screaming at my son and want desperately to change that! I want to have a "normal" and *only* nurturing relationship (not a "screaming" one).
So that's one thing. The other is that, during and since our (Bradley) birth class I've learned more and more about natural stuff and "alternative" medical stuff and all that. I feel great about that, but it also makes me question a bit my "profession" (I have a Master's degree - have to to have a job in my profession). There are times that I really think I'd love to "do something different" with my life (career wise), but can't really find it "appropriate" to "waste" all of my education?!? For instance, I think in another life, I would have liked to be a personal trainer, an archeologist (yep that's way "out there), or more recently, a true "green profession". I'd love to be able to make herbal/aromatherapeutic stuff (lotions and "potions" stuff) but don't really have the knowledge (or business drive) to do so. Anyway, the one of my biggest worries (other than all worries related to kids growing up) is what I'm going to do when I go back to work (which I'll have to do once both boys are in school - financially, we need my income - we "make do" right now with me staying home).
As an SLP, I do like what I do - especially the pt/family educating aspect of it and the diagnostic side. With that said, I do really love acute care (hospital) work BUT don't necessarily want to go back to that once the boys are in school b/c the hours and schedules (working weekends, holidays, summers, etc) would mean not getting alot of time with my kids. The other major option would be to work in a school system - that would, of course, give me "school system" schedule (no weekends, holidays, summers, etc). HOWEVER, I am terrified that I'll be bored out of my mind in such a setting - seeing the same kids for the same kinds of therapy day after day, week after week, school yr after school yr. And, I really don't know HOW do "school stuff" (from an SLP standpoint) and it would be a bit like a whole new career.
So, I worry about it. I worry what I'll want to do, what will be available and whether or not I'll get any fulfillment from it when that time comes. I know it still 2-3 yrs away, but, to some degree, I kinda need to start preparing now (CEU's for example) if I'm gonna change what I've always done and do schools instead.
Um, sorry if this is all rambly and incoherent (the boys woke up about half way through
) And, I suppose, while it has been nice just to "share" i think I do also want input and/or advice 
An "SLP" is a Speech Language Pathologist / speech therapist. In the hospital, when I worked full time, I got to do "everything"! I did acute care (full range of age from infant / child to elder adult), NICU (working with feeding) and Outpatient (kids with speech and language disorders). It was very fulfilling AND kept me on my toes b/c I did get to do such a variety!
