Am I expecting too much of my 3 yo?

[sharr610]

Hi mamas!

So my son will be 3 in 2 weeks. He's been sleeping in his own bed since he was about 2 and that's been going great. Some nights I end up in there with him for a while. About once a month he'll end up in our bed for a bit. But generally, he's sleeping great on his own. He hasn't napped since about 2.

Anyway, I'm almost 38 weeks with #2 and as her arrival approaches, DS has been super clingy. I understand this is normal behavior and have been trying to deal with it as best as I can, while maintaining some physical boundaries that he keeps trying to cross(pinching my breasts, crawling on my belly...yeah, kinda non-negotiables for a pregnant lady).

Some of the clingy behavior now includes getting up at 5/5:30 am and coming into our bed, insisting that I get up. Not daddy, ME. Daddy tries to take him out of the room(we live in a small duplex) and he just stands at our bedroom door crying for me to wake up. I pregnant and tired. I'm up 5 times a night peeing. I'm a SAHM to a kid that doesn't nap. I really need to get rest.

He pleads for me to go in the living room and play toys with him. Our living room is, literally, 5 feet from our bedroom door that opens into it. Is it too much for me to expect him to get up on his own and entertain himself for a bit? I remember doing this as a pretty young kid. We talked about how he knows how to turn on the TV if he wants it, how he can play his toys and how mommy and daddy are RIGHT there if he needs anything. He doesn't seem cool with this.

This is a serious question. It may just be too much to expect at this point...but if not, ideas on how to make it more comfortable for him?

Thanks for any thoughts, support or empathy you can offer.

[beebalmmama]

I think for my ds at that age is would have been too much to ask. Although he played well on his own during the day, he would not have been able to do that knowing we were in bed asleep. When he was 4 and I was in your situation pregnant exhausted SAHM, he would.

First suggestion would be to continue with dh trying to take him out to the living room and entertain him. Can dh offer to do something unique with him, play certain games ds likes, a small art project. I know this is a lot to ask of dh at 5:00 in the morning, but at this point you really need some good rest. If this continues not to work after several tries then I would relent to letting him bring a quiet toy and play quietly with it by the bed in the bedroom (puzzles, books, little cars etc). Obviously he may or may not want to do that either..... Good luck mama!

I don't think you should get up with him at that point though. Like you said you need your sleep and if he's not napping at all during the day then this is when you need to fit it in. If your like me at all, pregnant and lack of sleep makes for a very unhappy and impatient mama, which isn't good either.

[Chicky2]

Yeah, I think it's too much to ask. I remember my midwife telling me that the toddler was training me for having no sleep after Baby comes. Probably not what you want to hear, but it's just how it is.

I personally would get up, lie down on the couch, and see if that would appease him some. Maybe Daddy could play w/him on the floor while you doze on the couch? Maybe just the getting up and going in there w/him will make him see that you are trying to meet his needs too. I know you are tired. I'm sorry, Mama. It's hard. Try to catnap any chance you get for awhile (like the next 3.5 mos). Any time you get will be precious. He's just a baby still, though, and sensing that his place in the family is changing quickly and is unsure. Love him thru it.

[reezley]

My 3 year old (not yet 3.5) will usually let me set him up by himself in the living room and watch a video while I sleep. But I do get out of bed to set it up and give him a snack with it. If it's a video he's interested in, he'll watch the whole half hour (26 minutes, whatever!) show before waking me again. I'm not pregnant, I just like my morning sleep and I'm not into sacrificing that anymore in favor of less tv.

[ktmama]

I wouldn't be comfortable letting my 3.5 yo play in another room while I slept, but can he do something quiet in your room while you doze? I've found that kind of half-sleep, while not outright sleeping, is very restful. At that age, he should be able to help you come up with a workable solution.

[Llyra]

My DS and DD2 are three, and they are very capable of entertaining themselves quietly while I am dozing in the mornings. It took time, though, and lots of consistency, for them to understand what it was I expected. Every single time they came in, I did a quick triage-- to rule out problems that needed me to solve them-- and then returned them to their room with instructions to look at books or play. Over and over and over. If they came in to my room, they were welcome to lie down next to me and rest, but if they made noise, I would again return them to their rooms, and then I'd go right back to bed and "sleep." (A lot of times while we were learning this routine, I was not actually sleeping, just pretending.) So they were able to choose between lying quietly near me, or going back to their rooms and playing.

About once a week, I wake to find one of them has wandered in to lie down with me. But mostly they opt for the playing.

[sept15lija]

I don't think it's too much to ask, to be honest. My DS is almost 2.5 and he will watch TV quietly if I really need to sleep after a hard night with the baby....if she's still sleeping I may really need another half hour or whatever. I get him a quick breakfast of a banana or something (or DH does before he goes to work, bless his heart) sometimes and set him up with a DVD (probably he wouldn't play with toys by himself for that long, but a video he would stay quiet quite happily).

[Oliver'sMom]

My ds who is almost 3.5 plays very well on his own in the mornings. He's so quiet that we usually have no idea when he even woke up. We also have our doors latched so he can't get outside without our knowing. We learned this the hard way . However, that doesn't mean it's not too much to ask of your ds.

There are days when ds is very clingy/insecure (we're having another baby soon as well). On those days, I ask him to bring in some books that he can "read" to me. Or I'll ask him to sing me a song or tell me a story while we cuddle in bed. I'm still able to rest and close my eyes for a few minutes this way. Granted, it's not at 5 am...ouch!

Hope you find something that works! I feel your pain!