Must Stop the Whining!

[RaeEllen]

How do I get the 20 month old to stop whining? It's usually pretty obvious what she wants. And I always make her restate it along with please. However, I think she has the idea that whining is now the way to get my attention to make a request. If she were older, I might ignore, but at this age, I think that would just escalate things without teaching her anything. (I do try to respond quickly to nicely worded requests, so that whining doesn't occur, but I can't always jump to when milk, water, or snack is requested!)

[ellemenope]

DD used to whine for everything, too. Thankfully, we are past that stage. When she began speaking (like repeat any word I would say speaking), I would remind her how we ask for things.

DD: <whine> milk <whine>
Me: Oh, DD wants milk. Then DD says, "mama, I want some milk, please."
DD: Mama, I want some milk, please.

She was always very enthusiastic about asking the right way. It totally worked.

Actually, I remember now I did this even before she could speak. You know, just in case she wondered how she could ask if she was able.

ETA: I just realized this is exactly what you are doing. I don't know then. Worked for me. It is just a phase. Definately would not try to teach her a lesson by ignoring the whining. I think you are right.

[caenach]

Yeah, that's sorta what I do, too. I don't make her restate it, though...I usually say something like "when you want a glass of juice, you can just say, 'Mama, juice please.'" But we're not really into coaching please/thank-you sort of stuff.

I think it's hard for DD to understand a lot of the "delay" words that I use...for instance, "later" is a pretty abstract concept to begin with, and "wait" doesn't really imply WHEN it's going to happen.

I usually try to restate what she's asked for ("You want Mama to get your necklace) and then put it in a concrete sequence of events ("Mama will get your necklace as soon as she finishes putting away these dishes.") Not that it works all the time, but sometimes!

The Happiest Toddler book has some suggestions for repeating in really simple, direct, energetic language what the child has asked for (Juice, juice, you want juice) so that they understand that they're not just failing to communicate. But that just seems to aggravate DD, so I don't do it that much.