working moms have no fun!

[merryns.mom]

just a quick rant. . .i get so frustrated when every activity is during the day.

mommy & me art camp: 9-12 am
toddler dance: 3:30
storytime at library: 10am
kindermusic: 11am

also in my area, many young moms don't work, so playdates and birthday parties are during the day too.

it's not like i don't have any guilt over working or someone else raising my child, but there are no activities in the evenings or on weekends. i've even tried starting some, but to no use

thanks for listening

[anjelika]

I'm totally with you!

Women need more part-time/flex-time options...

[Adallae]

My work day ends early (3pm) and I still can't find any playgroups in my area. I guess everyone's picking up their older kids from school? And there are only a handful of activities.

[BarefootGirl]

Are there other working moms that you could arrange a playgroup with during the evening or weekend? Maybe other moms at the daycare (if that's what you use) or other moms that you work with?

[madskye]

One thing that helped me was just taking a day off to go to a free Gymboree class.

I almost lost my mind!!!!!!! I cannot imagine doing that every week. I left with a terrible headache...it wasn't what I dreamed it would be at all.

DD's daycare offers a lot of activities like dance, music, and an "amazing athletes" sports activity that she really likes.

If you don't work for a total ogre, you might be able to pull off taking your child to toddler dance, if you ask your boss for permission to leave early on 4 Thursdays (or however long a session is) or take it as vacation time. They might understand, especiallyas it's not forever.

[vrclay]

I joined a local meet-up group of working moms. We schedule avtivities to fit our schedules. Maybe try that.

[One_Girl]

That has always infuriated me also. I, like a lot of working moms, pay taxes that support our cities recreation department so it really makes me furious that so many people who are financially supporting those activities are not able to participate in them because they have to work. There is no reason why those activities can't be scheduled on the weekend or in the evening since the center has always been open on the weekends and at night.

[_ktg_]

I would love to get a working moms group going here in my city. Funny cus we have a SAHD group, so I know we are out there.

side note:
wow 3 hours of art? My kids would have been flinging playdoh or paint after an hour!

[texmati]

I agree completely!

[CatsCradle]

This hasn't been as noticable to me because DD's friends are almost exclusively her school friends, and most of the parents that I meet and arrange playdates with are also working parents. But I understand, OP, where you're coming from. My DH is a public librarian and most of the libraries activities occur during the week and during the day. While the libraries are open on Saturdays, most of the activities occur during the week because that is when the libraries are most heavily staffed. Weekend librarians have to be paid overtime or comp time, so the libraries, in interest of economy, don't have much going on during the weekends.

The only time that I was truly bugged by daytime scheduling was when our next door neighbor (mom of DD's purported "best friend") scheduled her DD's birthday bash on a Thursday afternoon at 2 pm! We weren't given much advance notice to be able to re-arrange our work schedule and DD is in Montessori school at that time of day. I didn't lose any sleep over it, but DD was clearly disappointed that she couldn't go to the party. As far as activities and other outside stuff, we tend to limit that stuff anyway because DD is in school all week and DD seems to have adopted our homebody attitude on the weekends. Maybe I'm selfish but I feel like DD gets lots of stimulation from others during the week...we want her all to ourselves on the weekends (and even in the evenings)!

[rhiOrion]

My maternity leave is almost over and I'm so sad because the playgroup I go to is during a weekday

[RollerCoasterMama]

Yup, here too. There are fabulous, inexpensive offerings through the city/school district. But they're almost all during the day. And to be honest, at the end of the day, I'm not too inclined to rush DS off to some activity. But maybe on a weekend for a treat now and then!! Oh well. He's in preschool all week, so I figure some unstructured time is good. It is for me! Next year I'm thinking about trying to enroll him in a dance or martial arts class, but picturing having an evening activity is already a little stressful. Heck, just getting our CSA pick-up it was almost bedtime by the time we get home!!

I daydream about working half-time. But as that will never happen...I just make do.

[UrbanEarthMom]

I want to acknowledge the frustration you are feeling - I felt the same many times in my son's earlier years. I am a FT WOHM of two, ages 6 and 3.

My feelings about this have evolved over time. I remember going to the playground on the weekends and not knowing any of the moms there - they all seemed to know each other - I was once asked "how come I've never met you at playgroup?" I also didn't go to mommy and me classes etc.

I expressed this frustration to my husband once and he brought to my attention that DS had a "playgroup" - his childcare class where they had art, music, storytime etc. I had to ask myself - was I missing a peer group/activities or was he?

In retrospect, I really don't think we missed out on anything. My children and I are securely attached - reading a book together or having an activity together one and one at night was meaningful. A lot of people in the early years of parenting are transient - figuring out what town to live in etc. so friendships made early may not be kept.

Other revelations for me persoanlly (will differ for others):
1. I'm involved in my profession (law) - I tend to have the most in common with other women lawyers who happen to be moms
2. Mommy & Me classes etc. are a relatively new thing - earlier generations of mothers performed more manual/housework and/or didn't have time/money for organized activities - they are social class and generational specific phenomenoms
3. We had "family playdates" on the weekends at times - where we'd invite a family over from childcare - the adults talked when the children played - seems to work well.

If you are concerned about your child's long-time social/intellectual development that they may be "missing" from these activities read the book "Freakonomics" - the author cites numerous studies that indicate that if the parents are bright, the kids are too - going to activities etc. at a young age does not predict future success.

Wishing you well.

[Skippy918]

DD's daycare offers a lot of activities like dance, music, and an "amazing athletes" sports activity that she really likes.

DS's daycare does this too. I think it's a great idea. I just signed him up for an 8 week dance/creative movement class. He'll have more options when he's 3 next year.

I've joined some meetup groups, but most of the activities are during the day. We also find ourselves busy in the evening and we like family time on weekends too.

[MamaChicken]

Yep. Same here.

I wanted to take the kids to an activity at the library. Midmorning on weekdays is it. Bah. I suppose the nanny could take them...

[laurabfig]

A few years ago, when we had first moved to this area, I posted on a local parent's listserve that I was seeking to form a working mom's play group. I had 16 people email me!!! For a while we met once a month (which was do-able and not overwhelming for working moms' tight schedules) at a local playground for a relaxed time together, letting the kids play and ranting about things like kid's activities being on the weekdays when we couldn't go. It was refreshing to be around other working mothers and just to have some comraderie in our life situations.
I read the book Getting to 50/50 about 2 parent working families and one of the things the author suggests is that as mothers we want to go to those groups more for ourselves than for the benefit that it gives our children. Our children aren't really "missing out" on something (and surely don't perceive that they are), but we feel that WE are, b/c we are at work and can't go. interesting perspective...

[griffin2004]

I feel your pain, merryns.mom. When our local parks & rec dept puts out a new activity catalog I scan the class times first. I can rule out about 90% of the classes right off the bat based on the day/time.

[Skippy918]

I read the book Getting to 50/50 about 2 parent working families and one of the things the author suggests is that as mothers we want to go to those groups more for ourselves than for the benefit that it gives our children. Our children aren't really "missing out" on something (and surely don't perceive that they are), but we feel that WE are, b/c we are at work and can't go. interesting perspective...

This has some truth to it. Sometimes I just want to go to the meetups for the socialization aspect and to talk with other moms. I really only have 2 close mom friends. My BFF who lives in another state and my coworker who's out on maternity leave. I miss having lunch with her. I'm sure DS will have fun with hanging out with other kids, but he does that all week, so he really doesn't need another playgroup. We have other friends we hang out with but they're not parents so I can't talk about that stuff with them.

[merryns.mom]

thanks UrbanEarthMom for your post! and thanks to all for the commiseration

i think alot of my frustration is that i want to go to groups and meet moms and make friends. i don't really have any and i desperately want a girlfriend.

where i live there are no meet ups, or anything like that. the young women at church all homeschool during the day and i work at a small firm with much older people so no luck there. my husband's freinds' wives all grew up together and are very cliquish; so i always end up broken hearted.

sorry for the rant, it's just one of those weeks where i desperately want to have a best friend to talk, cry, laugh with. a kindred spirit who knows me and yadda yadda

sorry for pity party IT'S FRIDAY though

[vrclay]

merryns.moms - have you tried finding some other Mothering.com moms on your "finding your tribe" forum? Just another suggestion. I know it stinks not to have friends around...I was just thinking that last night as I was hoping for someone to view my "clean out my closet" fashion show and give me some margarita induced tough love...