(ETA: Cross-posting this in Frugality and Finances)
Please help me think this through, mamas. I want to be smart and thorough, and not rush into anything...BUT I'm not sure how much longer I can stand for DS and I to live with my parents!
I love them, but we really need our own space.
A brief background first...STBX and I bought a small farm a few years ago and built our current house. Currently, we divide the payments so that he pays mortgage on the house, and I make the land payment. Neither one of us can afford the place on our own, so it needs to be sold. We have not contacted a real estate agent OR even started the divorce process yet.
My first question is -- would it be better to get the house/land sold and *then* start the divorce? I'm worried about handling both situations at the same time, mentally and emotionally. But then what if the house sits on the market for a long time?
Which leads me to my next question -- I have a bit of money saved up, so I was wondering... If it takes awhile to sell the house and land, and I want to go ahead and find a place to live...would it be unwise of me to give STBX enough money to cover my part of things (i.e., the monthly land payment) for a set period of time (say 3-6 months at a time)? I realize I could just continue paying it myself monthly, but for some reason this arrangement feels easier to me. I would put a time limit of maybe up to a year on my contributions. Is that fair (financially speaking) to STBX if the house hasn't sold in a year, and thus he then has to take over my payments on his own?
Could I get some kind of formal agreement written up about this by a lawyer if we aren't divorced yet?
Would it be better to go ahead and get divorced, and have something about this arrangement put in the divorce paperwork? How does that work?
I just want the freedom of being able to settle DS and myself somewhere...to have our own space. My parents are great, but I can't see us staying with them longer than thru the end of the year, if that. It's already been almost 3 months, but obviously if I need to suck it up and stick it out, that's what I'll do.
I'm also perfectly willing to do what I can to help out STBX, financially, with this situation, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in a bind. Right now, I could afford to help him for about a year. Things would be tight, but manageable, and I'd still have a little savings left as a cushion. I'm kinda worried about the cost of the divorce eating up some of my savings, too, if it can't be as amicable as I hope for.
Please help me think this through, mamas. I want to be smart and thorough, and not rush into anything...BUT I'm not sure how much longer I can stand for DS and I to live with my parents!
I love them, but we really need our own space.A brief background first...STBX and I bought a small farm a few years ago and built our current house. Currently, we divide the payments so that he pays mortgage on the house, and I make the land payment. Neither one of us can afford the place on our own, so it needs to be sold. We have not contacted a real estate agent OR even started the divorce process yet.
My first question is -- would it be better to get the house/land sold and *then* start the divorce? I'm worried about handling both situations at the same time, mentally and emotionally. But then what if the house sits on the market for a long time?
Which leads me to my next question -- I have a bit of money saved up, so I was wondering... If it takes awhile to sell the house and land, and I want to go ahead and find a place to live...would it be unwise of me to give STBX enough money to cover my part of things (i.e., the monthly land payment) for a set period of time (say 3-6 months at a time)? I realize I could just continue paying it myself monthly, but for some reason this arrangement feels easier to me. I would put a time limit of maybe up to a year on my contributions. Is that fair (financially speaking) to STBX if the house hasn't sold in a year, and thus he then has to take over my payments on his own?
Could I get some kind of formal agreement written up about this by a lawyer if we aren't divorced yet?
Would it be better to go ahead and get divorced, and have something about this arrangement put in the divorce paperwork? How does that work?
I just want the freedom of being able to settle DS and myself somewhere...to have our own space. My parents are great, but I can't see us staying with them longer than thru the end of the year, if that. It's already been almost 3 months, but obviously if I need to suck it up and stick it out, that's what I'll do.
I'm also perfectly willing to do what I can to help out STBX, financially, with this situation, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in a bind. Right now, I could afford to help him for about a year. Things would be tight, but manageable, and I'd still have a little savings left as a cushion. I'm kinda worried about the cost of the divorce eating up some of my savings, too, if it can't be as amicable as I hope for.
to get RID of the house. Even THAT would've been to our advantage to have sold prior to divorce, because I will be able to bring this entire debt issue up when we finally get in front of a judge (and no, mediation hasn't worked for these issues for us, hence the longest divorce ever.)
