My soon-to-be-ex and I are currently separated. He's still in our marital home, and DS and I are currently staying with my parents. My parents are wonderful, but I absolutely can't see DS and I staying there past the end of the year (at most). We've already been there almost 3 months. I'm trying to figure out the best way to find more suitable (and affordable!!) living arrangements for us, given that the marital home will have to be sold since neither STBX or I can afford it alone.
I have a bit of money already saved up, plus whatever I manage to save in the next 6 months or so. But there's no telling how long our house will be on the market...and I can't afford my part of our current mortgage payments plus rent/mortgage on a new place, at least not for very long, so I'm trying to think of ways to free up some more money.
A brief background...STBX and I bought a small farm a few years ago and built our current house. Currently, we divide the payments so that he pays mortgage on the house, and I make the land payment. As mentioned above, neither one of us can afford the place on our own, so it needs to be sold. We have not contacted a real estate agent OR even started the official divorce process yet.
My first question is -- would it be better to get the house/land sold and *then* start the divorce, or vice versa? I'm worried about handling both situations at the same time. What if the house sits on the market for a long time? What if the divorce drags on and eats up my savings? If we can keep this amicable, I can pay for my lawyer with the yearly bonus I'm about to get at work. If we can't, I guess I'm going to have no savings left.
One scenario I've been thinking about... If it takes awhile to sell the house and land, and I want to go ahead and find a place to live...would it be unwise of me to give STBX enough money to cover my part of things (i.e., the monthly land payment) for a set period of time (say 3-6 months at a time)? I realize I could just continue paying it myself monthly, but for some reason this arrangement feels easier to me. I would put a time limit of maybe up to a year on my contributions. Is that fair (financially speaking) to STBX if the house hasn't sold in a year, and thus he then has to take over my payments on his own?
Could I get some kind of formal agreement written up about this by a lawyer if we aren't divorced yet?
Would it be better to go ahead and get divorced, and have something about this arrangement put in the divorce paperwork, if possible?
I just want the freedom of being able to settle DS and myself somewhere...to have our own space.
I'm also perfectly willing to do what I can to help out STBX, financially, with this situation, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in a bind. Right now, I could afford to help him with the house/land payments for about a year (this is assuming the divorce costs don't start running higher than expected). Things would be tight, but manageable, and I'd still have a little savings left as a cushion.
I have a bit of money already saved up, plus whatever I manage to save in the next 6 months or so. But there's no telling how long our house will be on the market...and I can't afford my part of our current mortgage payments plus rent/mortgage on a new place, at least not for very long, so I'm trying to think of ways to free up some more money.
A brief background...STBX and I bought a small farm a few years ago and built our current house. Currently, we divide the payments so that he pays mortgage on the house, and I make the land payment. As mentioned above, neither one of us can afford the place on our own, so it needs to be sold. We have not contacted a real estate agent OR even started the official divorce process yet.
My first question is -- would it be better to get the house/land sold and *then* start the divorce, or vice versa? I'm worried about handling both situations at the same time. What if the house sits on the market for a long time? What if the divorce drags on and eats up my savings? If we can keep this amicable, I can pay for my lawyer with the yearly bonus I'm about to get at work. If we can't, I guess I'm going to have no savings left.
One scenario I've been thinking about... If it takes awhile to sell the house and land, and I want to go ahead and find a place to live...would it be unwise of me to give STBX enough money to cover my part of things (i.e., the monthly land payment) for a set period of time (say 3-6 months at a time)? I realize I could just continue paying it myself monthly, but for some reason this arrangement feels easier to me. I would put a time limit of maybe up to a year on my contributions. Is that fair (financially speaking) to STBX if the house hasn't sold in a year, and thus he then has to take over my payments on his own?
Could I get some kind of formal agreement written up about this by a lawyer if we aren't divorced yet?
Would it be better to go ahead and get divorced, and have something about this arrangement put in the divorce paperwork, if possible?
I just want the freedom of being able to settle DS and myself somewhere...to have our own space.
I'm also perfectly willing to do what I can to help out STBX, financially, with this situation, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in a bind. Right now, I could afford to help him with the house/land payments for about a year (this is assuming the divorce costs don't start running higher than expected). Things would be tight, but manageable, and I'd still have a little savings left as a cushion.
mama. Unfortunately I know firsthand that divorce is hard. But, we'll get through it and it will make us stronger.
