Neighbourhood child dilemma.

[wookie]

Ds1 (a young 4) has only one close friend (close in age) across the street who goes to daycare all week so is essentially only available sporadically to play with. So recently another kid from a ways away has started coming over to our street. He`s a young 5. The first few times ds and he didn`t get along so well but in the paucity of anyone else they`ve started playing together. Now this kid is bigger, pushier, more daring (in a scary way, as in climbing dangerous rocks) than my kid. He`s mostly out without parental supervision on his bike although his parents will come to check in on him every half hr or so.

So the other day my ds went over to this kid`s backyard on his insistence. I went with them and stood chatting in their backyard with his mom. Both of us have younger babies so our attention was kinda diverted. However, I had my son in my sight almost all the time. When we came home ds said that the other kid asked him to show him his penis and if he didn`t he wouldn`t be his friend. I was alarmed but calmly had the private parts are not for touching discussion with him. He understood and said he didn`t want to show him anything anyway.

Now today the boy came over again and demanded ds bring a snack out. I gave him some pecans to share. A minute later ds comes in again saying Kid asked him to bring something else out. I gave him some pretzels and said that`s all the snack we have today. After a while the boys went over to his house where he punched, pushed and was generally mean to ds.

I know this boy is only 5 etc. but he just rubs me the wrong way. He does have supervision but not enough IMO. And my ds becomes more `rebellious`` , doesn`t listen to me as well, and rude when he`s with him. I don`t want my son to hang out with this kid too much. Am I overanalysing. What can I do or say to limit interaction that wouldn`t come out as rude. Please help as I`m new to this whole childhood thing.

[zinemama]

My first response is that if I were that kid's mother I would want to know about the penis-touching comment. I would tell her what your son told you. Whether she believes it and acts on it is up to her, but she should know.

Second, it's perfectly fine for you to limit your son's time with this kid or not have them play together. No one else is going to do that; it's up to you. You can tell the other parents, "The boys don't seem to bring out the best in each other. I'd like Jimmy to take a break from playing with Johnny for awhile."

Third, can you find some other friends for him?

[wookie]

Thanks, zinemama. My son does go to preschool and starts fulltime kindy this fall so I'm not worried long term re this boy but for now I'm going to closely supervise whatever time they do get together. The other mom either doesn't see her son's behaviour or chooses to ignore it, but either way I'm going to be more forthright with the boy regarding my refusal to let ds play with him too much.

[barefootmama0709]

I totally agree with zinemama. It sounds like it's just a relationship formed out of geographical accessibility; they aren't really "friends".

[Happiestever]

If my son said something like that I would want to know.