Give me your going back to work tips

[rhiOrion]

I'm staving off the sheer panic at having to go back to work by trying to be proactive and learn as much as I can about what to expect and what tips may make the transition easier.

I'm going back to work on June 28th. DD will be about 11.5 weeks. My DH also works full time, so she'll be in full time day care.

She's a reflux baby with lots of issues sleeping anywhere but in her swing or on me (or in a carrier on DH).

I'm basically freakin' terrified. I have a friend who owns a day care in my hometown who promised me that she has seen kids who won't sleep at home who sleep fine at day care, and that she can't explain it, but that it does happen.

I'll be pumping at work for her. Her day care is about 5 minutes from my work and 5 minutes from our house.

So... give me your tips! Please don't traumatize me with stories about how your kid didn't sleep or eat or whatever

What do I need to know? What will make it even remotely easier? What do you wish you'd known, or what are you glad you did?

TIA!

[lunarlady]

What I did that helped me quite a bit was that my DD's first day in daycare was NOT my first day back at work. I put her in care starting on a Monday, and went back to work on a Wednesday. This gave me two days during which I could figure out about getting us out of the house, figuring out pumping milk, drop in to the daycare to see how DD was doing (I think I peaked in 5 or 6 times the first day!) and getting myself mentally and physically ready to go back to the workplace. I took naps, got a manicure and pedicure, did the laundry, etc. My DD was younger than your's will be, only 7 weeks old, but I know how hard it can be.

I'm planning on doing that agian with this little one I'm expecting in Aug. She will go into full time care a couple days before I go back to work full time. I think those days are very important transition wise. And I feel going back to work mid-week is so much easier than going back on a Monday. If you can, make your first day back a half day too, as that makes it easier.

Here are a couple other things from that time that made my life a bit easier:
-- Have a dedicated bag that just goes to and from daycare with your child. Stock it with some extra diapers, change of clothing, etc, as well as having a spot for you to put the daily bottles of BM, diaper cream, and so forth. Use a different bag for yourself when you are out with DD. It helps prevent clutter in the daycare bag, and streamlines the morning/evening routine.
-- Check on the reserving policy for BM at the daycare. Where I sent my DD, any unconsumed milk had to be disposed of within 1 hour. So I sent lots of small bottles so that less BM went down the drain. I worked hard for that stuff people!
-- BM is safe to be held at room temp for up to 6-8 hours (depending on temp of room). So you CAN go without washing your pump parts between sessions if you are pumping every 3 hours. This set my mind at ease as I could rinse the parts easily, but a good washing had to wait until I got home in the evenings.
-- Keep an extra set of pumping essentials or a manual pump somewhere in your car or office. The day you forget your pump, or some essential part (like a valve or horn) can be very stressful otherwise and you will be running to Target on your break looking for releif before you end up with a wet front and no milk for baby.
-- A very small lunch bag or soft sided cooler is great to store pump parts and expressed milk in when you put it in the fridge at work. Prevents absent minded co-workers from using the milk (yes, this can happen!) and also just avoids the whole Q&A that comes up when the milk seperates in the fridge.
-- Keep an extra bra and shirt at work, just in case you leak or baby spits up on you just as you drop them off at DC.
-- Hands free pumping is key. That way you can e-mail, read, or do something else while pumping. I used rubber bands strung around my bra straps to hold the horns. No need for something fancy.
-- Remember that the daycare people have seen it all. They have had babies that cry all day, babies with severe allergies/skin issues, refulx babies, babies that want to be held...you name it, they've delt with it. So no matter what issues your little one might have, they are ready and willing to deal with them.
-- Finally, remember that no lasting harm will come to baby. If baby gets tired enough, they will sleep. If they get hungry enough, they will eat. After a couple weeks, everybody will fall into the routine and things will go a little easier.

Good luck and I hope your transition back to work goes smoothly.

[caenach]

Today, at 21 months, my DD STILL will not sleep for me unless I'm holding her or lying next to her and there's a breast in her mouth. BUT, she happily takes a nap at daycare everyday. So it really does happen!

I think the best thing is to allow yourself to have complex feelings during the transition. In some ways it will be hard, in other ways it will probably be easier than you are anticipating. But it's a transition--it may take time to get your schedule laid out and for your LO to adjust and for you to adjust. Be patient with yourself! Lunarlady has some great pumping tips in her post.

+If you have the energy, prep some meals and some household staples shopping prior to going back to work, or have a family member help you. When you're juggling a new schedule, trying to spend every free waking moment with your little one, and feeling anxious about changes, it's nice not to have to try to get to the store in the evening or worry about finding time to cook. I wish I had done this.

+Think about what you can do to reconnect/relax with DD at the end of the work day. Sometimes just taking 20 minutes when you walk in the door to get back in sych can help you feel recharged. We used to hop right in the bathtub when I got home, for instance. Or maybe a walk while babywearing. Or nursing and listening to some calming music.

+Especially if your DD happens to go with the marathon nursing session in the evening, it's really good to have some drinks and snacks prepped that you can get to easily and quickly to keep yourself nourished and hydrated. I would also add that keeping yourself nourished and hydrated during the work day can be challenging, but is very important! So easy, with the stress of back-to-work, to let yourself go hours without a break...don't do it!

+Freakishly early bedtimes really aren't a bad thing! It's hard to work a full-time job!

+If your job will allow, you might consider a daytime trip to your DD's daycare, since it's so close to your job. I went to nurse DD at noon for a full year and it helped me a great deal with the transition and allowed me to reconnect with DD and nurse her down for her afternoon nap--our daycare was awesome about it. A bonus--I really got to know the inner workings of the place and got to know the women a little better.

Good luck with your transition...let us know how it goes!

[rhiOrion]

Omg, thank you guys so much. These are very helpful tips. And it's also just nice to know that others have BTDT, especially when all of my mom friends are SAHMs.

[rhiOrion]

So here are a couple of questions:

I know that I should pack more bottles with smaller amounts of milk. But what is a smaller amount? Right this second I'm generally getting about 3oz between both breasts when I pump. So most of my freezer stash is in 3oz amounts. I hope I'll get more when I'm pumping exclusively during the day, since right now I'm pumping AND she's breastfeeding.

So, basically, how much would you put in each bottle for a 12 week old?

Second- I have the lansinoh pump. So despite the fact that they actually sell the pump in BRU, it doesn't seem as though I can buy parts for it in any store. Should I order extras of the parts in case something breaks?

[Catubodua]

have you checked their policy on breastfeeding at the daycare? the reason i ask is if you're able to visit during lunch, you might be able to breastfeed while there and take away one pumping session. the daycare we picked allows you in whenever you want and has no issue with you sitting in the infant room nursing, or you can go to an empty office if you'd prefer. this might help you feel better during the day.

one other thing to be prepared for - stupid coworkers. i swear, alot of my coworkers seem to WANT to see me upset. "are you okay?" with sad faces at me. "is he alright there?" WTF? it's almost like they want to see you upset so they can be there for you.

and, i second the advice to be kind to yourself, and be ok with the fact that some days will be miserable leaving them, and some days you get distracted about needing to get to work to get xyz done.

[rhiOrion]

Yep, this daycare is fine with me going to feed her during the day, so I probably will at lunch, at least for a while.

[Quinalla]

It's nice that you are close, that's my situation too and it makes me feel so much better as they can call me if needed and I can be there very quickly! Nice that you are close to home too in case you forget your pump or a pump part.

My baby went back at 16 weeks and for what to bring as far as pumped milk, I did 5 - 3oz bottles the first week, then moved to 4 - 4oz bottles based on their feedback and eventually 3 - 5oz bottles is what we settled on and have been doing for awhile. I also keep 3-4 bags of frozen milk (each ~3oz) there in case she has an extra hungry day along with one extra bottle for them to give it to her in. So yeah, I think sending several 3oz bottles at first is a good idea and then have the daycare folks let you know what adjustments they think you should make.

I'm sure they gave you a list of what you need to bring, but if not, diapers, wipes, diaper cream (if you want them to use it), 2-3 extra outfits, pacifier and/or lovey and probably a blanket as well as any forms you haven't yet filled out for them and probably your first payment. Double check what all they need you to bring before the first day back and have it all gathered and ready to go well in advance.

I have a small soft-sided cooler that I put two ice packs and her three bottles in each morning, then I take that to work and use it to store milk and pump parts. I too like having a little cooler that I can stick in the fridge. Moreso because it keeps everything contained and also if someone left the fridge door open or something, then the icepacks will keep the milk just fine. And it is nice to keep it out of sight for those who might be a touch weirded out by breastmilk in the fridge next to their lunch and yes to avoid any oops I just put breastmilk in my coffee mix-ups!

I considered stopping by at lunch everyday to breastfeed, but it ended up working better for both of us for me to not do so. Go ahead and try it out and if it works for you, that is great! I did stop by at least once a day that first week to peek in the window at least, it was honestly more for me than for her.

My baby was one who liked to nap almost exclusively on my lap. She still doesn't nap well, but she does nap at daycare and does nap at home for me in the crib now too.

The first week or so will be a transition. Your little one will probably not eat as much, sleep as much, cry more, etc. than after that transition period. It's tough, but I'm sure you have picked a daycare with people you have trust in and they have eased the transition of lots of other babies and will do everything they can for yours. Your baby may want to nurse a lot at night. And I know for my girl, she really gets a lot out of daycare. She loves having all the toys, all the other people to watch and interact with, etc.

I too recommend preparing for a good solid chunk of reconnection time after work. When you get home, get your breastmilk in the fridge and then just sit/lay down with your babe and breastfeed/cuddle/talk/play/etc. Don't worry about anything else until you both have had enough time to reconnect.

Definitely do not feel bad if you need to go to bed really early, especially that first week back. I still put myself to bed really early (~8pm) about once a week.

If your mom or another good helper can come the weekend before you go back to work, that is great to give you some time to get whatever you need to get ready. I had to get my clothes reorganized as I wasn't sure what of my work clothes fit. I also got everything I needed ready for the first day. I didn't have a ton to do, but it really helped to just be able to have some time to get things ready and sort of mentally prepare.

And yes, if you can send your baby for a day at least before you go back, that can really help with the transition. I wish I had done that!

[rhiOrion]

Thanks!

How nice of my boobs to give me the perfect 3oz amounts!

How much of a freezer stash do you guys have? I figure I should have a decent stash in case I have a day where I can't get as much, or if I spill a bottle, or forget to put it in the fridge, etc....

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

You've gotten some great tips already. It took me forever to figure out that an extra pump or pump parts were essential! Generally you can buy extra pump parts online, but you can also just stash a manual pump at your desk -- I always liked the Avent hand pump for backup purposes.

Definitely plan for some transition time for both of you. Do NOT let the first week deter you. BOTH of you will need time to adapt. The really good news is that babies adapt faster than mommies! Bosses need time to adapt as well.

My children were both not-so-great sleepers at home. They were, according to their daycare and preschool teachers, easy as pie for them. Something about peer pressure and routine, I think. Do clarify with your DCP what their process is for getting babies to sleep and make sure you are comfortable with their routine, but do not assume that just because your baby only wants you when you are there she will be the same at daycare. The same goes for eating and toileting (when the time comes), by the way.

Re: Freezer stash. To use a trite phrase -- it is what it is. Trying to make sure you have X amount is crazy-making. Do what you can to get a stash now, do what you can to pump well at work. The more relaxed you are about it, the easier it will all be. Your baby won't starve if you run out of milk. Yes, breast milk is best, but even if you have to suppliment at some point, baby will still be getting mostly breast milk and all the advantages of the same.

Don't forget to drink LOTS of water when you start working. It is so easy to go from project to project and forget to do this one simple thing. And it will impact your pumping more than you can imagine. Figure out how to get that into your routine from day one.

Many of us have BTDT. You CAN do it too!!!!

[rhiOrion]

luckily i'm better about drinking water at work than at home!

i need to make a list of things to accomplish in the next two weeks

[PennyRoo]

Hello!

You've gotten some great advice - here are a few additional thoughts in no particular order. I pumped and worked for 15 months with my oldest, and 10 months with my second. (In both cases I went back to work when they were 5 months old. The reason for the shorter pumping time with my youngest is that she was pretty disinterested in nursing after 15 months.)

You did not mention if you were planning to return to work FT or not. Either way, I second the advice on starting mid-week if possible, and then finding if there is any way at all to ease in. I first spent about 2 hours hanging out at day care, with my baby, then left her for 3 hours each day for a week, then 5 the second week, and so on.

Allow yourself to mourn this transition, and go easy on yourself during this time. Finances dictate that I, in addition to my DH, must bring in income, when there is nothing I'd rather do more than stay home with my kids, and this is something I still periodically allow myself to mourn.

I could never pump enough at work, and, though I returned to work with a good freezer stash, I went through it fairly quickly as I had to top off all bottles with stored milk. As a result I needed to supplement with formula. It was not what I had hoped for, but I learned to go easy on myself. It's pretty freaking heroic to pump and work - it's not easy! So I hope you, too, will consider these kinds of possibilities and try your best to be gentle with yourself.

Stuff like big vats of soup, a big batch of rice and beans, tortellini tossed with frozen broccoli and pesto, whole wheat pasta salad chock full of veggies and some protein like beans and/or feta, etc., made on the weekend, will more or less get you through the week and suffice as your take-to-work lunches.

Shelve outside commitments for a while - simplify your social obligations. Evening and weekend times are now unbelievably precious. It's OK to say no to that baby shower invite, or your family friend's child's graduation party, for example!

Expect stuff like weird guilt on your part, and some havoc in your baby's rythyms. If your baby is sleeping through the night in a crib, for example, you might now find yourself with a baby in your bed, nursing all night long. When I returned to work evenings, weekends and night times frequently involved marathon nursing sessions.

Expect that you will be, quite simply, bone tired.

Know that it *will* get easier. That first year of working, pumping, and adjusting to being a new mom was the hardest thing, bar none, I have ever experienced.

I'm so happy for you that you can go be with and nurse your baby at lunch time - I hope, if that's what you want to do, that it works out for you and that you are able to continue with that arrangement. How wonderful to be so close by!

Good luck! Returning to work was for me, very hard stuff. I hope your transition goes OK. I'm sure you will continue to get great advice and support from this site!