What latitude do you give your 8 yo clothes shopping? - Page 2

[reignbelle]

As long as it fits and is affordable I don't care. I want to teach my children that looks are not to be judged. In my day to day life it really doesn't matter if someone thinks I look poor, sexy,trashy,weriod,or dorky. People being judged for different styles (goth, hip hop, emo, preppy, dorky) is wrong. I'll teach my kids to respect certain ideals (clean clothes, dressing for work or places of worship, and having properly fitted clothes) . But what they wear in "our normal day to day life" doesn't really matter. I do think that it depends where you live obviously I wouldn't let my child wear something they may get harassed for.

[mom22girls]

Originally Posted by ewe+lamb

Our dd has bikinis, she tends to just wear the bottoms of said garment but I'm not sure what's wrong with bikinis - unless this is a more european vs USA thing, of course we tend to only wear that sort of thing at the pool or beach however the other day we were in the park and she was wearing her bikini top and shorts as the kids were all playing with water pistols - I don't know, I don't see a bikini as sexy wheras some other girls clothing - especially at the age of nearly 8 and they are wearing clothes for 10 or 12 year olds can be far sexier than any of the bikinis I've seen, maybe it's because at the pool folk here can only wear the skimpy type of swimming costumes rather than the baggier bermuda trunks other countries allow. Hmm maybe I should reconsider things but then if she's comfortable with it I'm not sure I'll put a stop to it

Huh! I live in Sweden and it is controversial for little girls to wear bikini tops (it would be more acceptable for them to wear nothing on top and just the bottoms). Having the top on suggests that there is something sexual about a 3 year old's body. Wearing the tops becomes more acceptable as the girl ages. I don't let DD wear bikini's because of the too much sun factor.

I think my DD is trying to find an identity - and I have broken down and I explained some of the grown up factor. Today we went to a sports-type store like Sport Authority or Dick's and she found some cute tops and some baggy camo shorts. She kept asking me what kind of "look" she should have - and I'm trying to approach this carefully. Like the pp said about her son with the skulls - I guess I wouldn't mind skulls or goth as much as I mind the more come hither look. I think we are coming up with compromises on both sides. She saw some bikinis she liked and we talked about that again - more to do with the sun, etc.

I also agree with the bikini top/shorts look is much more acceptable to me (in that context) than some of the more provocative 10 year old clothes I've seen.

[mama2mygirl]

[QUOTE=velochic;15516450]Because it's my money and I get a little say about what to buy. She is always welcome to use her own money to buy 5 identical dresses if she wants to... which of course she doesn't want to do.[/QUOTE

You must not do the hanna play dress/day dress. The whole point is that it's the same comfy quality dress but in a different color every single year in every single size.

[choli]

Originally Posted by LauraLoo

I think that's true - that parents should guide their children, but how do you do it?

Certainly, a nursing student was exercising poor judgement, but she's an adult.

How do you tell an 8 year old that what she's wearing is suggestive and that people may judge her for that? Most 8 year olds that I know do not understand what promiscuity is.

To be honest, I wouldn't care much for the opinion of someone who made judgements about promiscuity based on the clothing of an 8 year old. That would be a person with a seriously dirty mind.

[lerlerler]

[QUOTE=mama2mygirl;15521219]

Originally Posted by velochic

Because it's my money and I get a little say about what to buy. She is always welcome to use her own money to buy 5 identical dresses if she wants to... which of course she doesn't want to do.[/QUOTE

You must not do the hanna play dress/day dress. The whole point is that it's the same comfy quality dress but in a different color every single year in every single size.

No kidding! My DD is almost 6 and we go to the hanna site - then skip to the sale section and I let her choose a few things a year....

She has quite a few identical but with a diff. pattern dresses that wear like iron and she can wear for 2 years....

My goal (subject to change when reality hits my plan) is even at that age? I'll bring home quality staple items and then we'll go out and I'll let her add the trendy stuff... t-shirts or belts and the like.

[zeldamomma]

I've been reading "Queen Bees and Wannabes" and she has an interesting way of discussing this topic (although she was writing for parents of teens in this chapter). Her suggestion is that you tell the girl that the outfit makes her look older than she is, and that will change how people treat her and may make some people see her as a target. She also talks about trying to understand what signal your dd is sending with her clothes, and using that to get insight into who she is. Overall, the book recommends giving girls a fair amount of latitude in their clothing choices (although she does recommend parents veto inappropriate choices for girls under a certain age -12, I think). I'm not sure what you describe is really inappropriate, but I haven't seen it. The word "Lucky" doesn't have a sexual connotation to me.

Personally, I wouldn't use the word "sexy" with an 8 year old, because as pp said, only a sicko would really think an 8 year old was sexy.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

I pay for the clothes, so I have veto power over purchases. Fortunately, I haven't hit the skanky-clothes issue with my own 8-year-old ( she wants to wear boys' t-shirts instead), but I won't buy anything that doesn't fit right, or that I'm pretty sure from experience that she won't wearl.

Same. My dd is (age 7.5) is just starting to outgrow the stuff at TCP (where we usually shop) so we've been shopping more at Old Navy & Gap. My issue is less with looking trashy/skanky - and more with dd just being drawn to cheap clothing. I'm not laying out all kinds of money on clothes that aren't going to last - especially because she has a younger sister inheriting them.

As to the bikini issue - I would have no issue with both my girls going naked at the beach if they wanted to. Unfortunately we live in a society that would frown upon that heavily, so they do not. Along those same lines, I actually bought them both rash guard swim tops as I'm concerned about some of the sun exposure...

[velochic]

Originally Posted by mama2mygirl

Originally Posted by velochic

Because it's my money and I get a little say about what to buy. She is always welcome to use her own money to buy 5 identical dresses if she wants to... which of course she doesn't want to do.

You must not do the hanna play dress/day dress. The whole point is that it's the same comfy quality dress but in a different color every single year in every single size.

No, we don't.

[lilmiss'mama]

So, far the girls just wear what i buy. I kind of feel lucky. The only request I've gotten so far is Converse high-tops. Interesting thread though.

[cyncyn]

My dd is 7 and it's handmade or hand-me-downs for her. She's never been in a fitting room, or been shopping for clothes. I will go through the hand me downs (we get a box or two each year from an older cousin) and remove anything unacceptable (for a variety of reasons: fabric, decoration, fit etc.). I sew many of her clothes and fill in the blanks from ebay (like winter coat or boots etc.). Her closet is filled with a wide variety of clothes and she mixes and matches and layers to her heart's content, depending on her mood. She goes to a non-traditional K-12 charter school so most of the kids have their own eclectic style, very few new mall clothes.

She will be going into a higher grade grouping in the fall, with kids up to 11yo so I know her style will evolve. I'm ok with that, and I will probably take her shopping for the first time then. It's funny, because skulls, dyed hair, mismatched socks etc. are a-ok with dh and I, but no way on anything Hannah Montana Disney or tween sexy.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

My 7 1/2 YO spends her school year primarily in a very dictated school uniform, which I love because it takes a lot of this away as an every day thing. But I try to balance that by giving her some freedom for play clothes. I have created some guidelines about length of hems, bare skin and basic coverage issues. Mostly I've been emphasizing that these clothes are to play in and some styles (tight, off the shoulder, too short etc) make that very difficult to do. I ask "Is it comfortable? Can you run/jump, bend, turn cartwheels in it?") Since she is very active, these sorts of considerations carry a lot of weight. I avoid stores that I know will have lots of things I don't like and do explain that some things just aren't appropriate for young girls. We also buy church dresses and I'm very lucky that so far she is drawn to anything fluffy, frilly or pink. As she grows out of that phase, I suspect we will have more conversations about what is appropriate where and why. She has realized that dressing "cute" gets her a lot of positive attention at church and I doubt she'll want to loose that anytime soon.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

As she grows out of that phase, I suspect we will have more conversations about what is appropriate where and why. She has realized that dressing "cute" gets her a lot of positive attention at church and I doubt she'll want to loose that anytime soon.

So, what do you think you'll say in those conversations? I'm really interested in the whys, because that's what I'm grappling with as well.

And I fully get that "cute" does get positive attention. My dd insisted on wearing only dresses when she was in pre-K, because every time she did teachers would comment on her pretty dresses, and not so much when she was in pants. She quickly picked this up at the ripe old age of 3. Thinking out a bit, I'm wondering when my dd will decide that she's more interested in looking "cute" for her peers rather than the adult figures in her life.