infant in car seat = screaming hell

[jsh7809]

OK, mamas, I know that this has been posted before... but I need some coping techniques for the horribleness that is the baby in the car seat. It just seems to be escalating, to the point where I do not want to leave the house at all... which seems neither realistic nor healthy. Sigh.
We have some okay car rides - when she's awake but relaxed and interested in looking at the little plastic keys I put for her to play with. But most of the time she's screaming. If she's asleep when we put her in, or if she falls asleep after we start going, we'll get some peace and quiet. But the minute she wakes up = screaming screaming SCREAMING that just gets worse and worse and worse by the minute. She screams by FAR the most in her seat than anywhere else, she sounds like she's going to choke or have a seizure or explode (bear with me, I'm a first time mom). It feels unsafe for me (distracted, disturbed, upset, trying to reach back and soothe her) and her.
I've stopped to comfort and nurse her, but then we eventually have to go back in the seat and it's the same hell on wheels as before. I've sat back there to talk to her, shhh her, give her the pacifier/ my hand/ whatever I can while DH drives, to no avail. I've tried leaving while she's napping, but I'm starting to think that just upsets her more because she wakes up strapped in with nowhere there with her, hurtling through space.
UGH! She's only 8 weeks so I'm hoping it will get better as she gets older and can do more to self soothe or entertain herself... But this is honestly one of the hardest things I"m struggling with right now. NOTHING seems to help. I don't want to avoid going out but it's leaning that way...
She even cried her first real tear today while screaming in the car seat. Or maybe it was mine, who knows!

[Knitting Mama]

It's the only time Cecilia cries real tears too, Jess. I wish I had some answers for you, but we're in the same boat. It breaks my heart to hear her so scared and sad. I have tried a convertible seat and it didn't help her, but I have heard of it helping others-- have you tried that?

I wish I could offer more.

[mumkimum]

I can sympathize too. From what I remember of dd1's babyhood, there were only a handful of times she had that freaked-out-I-can't-take-this screeching (that I remember - it was very tiring. . .) and now with dd2 it's like every time we've got to go out.

It's all I can do to just chant 'just drive safely so we get there faster' in my head.

[jsh7809]

Originally Posted by mumkimum

I can sympathize too. From what I remember of dd1's babyhood, there were only a handful of times she had that freaked-out-I-can't-take-this screeching (that I remember - it was very tiring. . .) and now with dd2 it's like every time we've got to go out.

It's all I can do to just chant 'just drive safely so we get there faster' in my head.

That's much better than when I catch myself going, "Just drive as fast as I can so we can get this over with!". Yikes!!
I do remind myself to calm down, take a deep breath, and focus on the road/ music/ radio and not the screaming unhappy infant. But it feels traumatic for both of us and I don't know what to do about it except never.go.anywhere.
Maybe I am oversensitive? She just never ever ever loses it like this any other time (although of course any other time she starts crying or screaming, I am right there to cuddle her, nurse her, comfort her physically, and in the car seat I can only imagine she thinks she is alone ).

Does this get better as they get older?

[lucy_v]

My DD is like this, although it has gotten much better, for now at least. (She's 14 weeks.) I think it got better in the last few weeks. But some of it may have been my fault, like not feeding her right before, thinking she wasn't hungry. I hope it improves for you.. I can totally sympathize with everything you describe. I was stuck in traffic where I couldn't pull over with her screaming once, and I was traumatized by it. It will be one of those days that stands out in my memory for a long time..

[1blueheron]

I dunno. We are in the same boat, and have tried many things. Somebody irl suggested a clip-on fan blowing air over the top of her head, which i am planning to try.

If you figure something out, share with us, ok? good luck.

[Sharon, RN]

Is your baby in an infant bucket seat or a convertible seat?

DS#2 was usually hit or miss on car rides (Chicco KeyFit 30) but a lot of times it was a miss- and he'd be crying/angry/etc. He's much older (9 months) but I finally decided a few weeks ago to step up to a convertible (MyRide 65) and moved him behind the driver's seat.

And, knock on wood, he hasn't cried but maybe once in that seat. For him, I think it was how reclined the infant bucket was. However, your LO would still need to be reclined that far, so I don't know if that will help. If you have any friends who are willing to let you try out their seats, you may want to give it a shot. Maybe she is really uncomfortable in that seat for some reason.

And, if not... yes, it does eventually get better. I know how it feels, though. My stomach still clenches up when I put Noah in his seat. s Although things have been a thousand times better since we changed his car seat.

[momto4plus4]

Been there, especially with my 2nd son. My dd would sit in the back holding her ears. What worked for us-MUSIC. But only 1 specific song. I just happened to put the cd in one day and he stopped on the 2nd song. It was such a soother for him that when my mom didn't believe me, I took her for a car ride. Of course he started the blaring screaming, I turned the song on and mid-scream he stopped. Turned the music off and the screaming started again. She just shook her head. That 1 song worked even until he was a preschooler.
My 2nd dd also cried and she liked a different song.
My 2nd ds is now crying in the car but not as bad and we haven't found a song for him.
The songs for my ds and dd had a specific beat/rhythm. For ds it was an off-beat song. For dd is was a crazy rap-type song (christian) with a heavy bass. Just throw in a favorite cd of yours, pump it up a little (ds liked it loud but he was also the one with the bleeding colon so he had special needs) and just see what happens. If anything, maybe it will help you stay calmer. Sometimes I've just needed to sing out over the crying to stay sane. It's definately worse with baby (or crying baby) #1. I remember feeling like I needed to "fix" Lizzy and it tore me up inside when I couldn't.
Hang in there-you're all doing great!

[Laneybug]

My dd was the same way until about a week ago. She still wimpers if she's sleepy, but I think we're over the scream fests.

I blame it all on an immature nervous system. Somebody gave us one of those baby gyms from fisher price and I remember laying her on it when she was a couple weeks old (because I was paranoid that I was supposed to be "doing" something with her all the time) and her just freaking out with all the stimuli--the flashing lights, the music, her flailing arms hitting the dangling toys and setting her off even more. It was the same with the bouncer--that toy bar was just too much so I took it off. Which was fine because I seriously wonder if babies need all that stimulation anyway...aren't their natural surroundings and the daily activities going on around them enough? I believe now the answer is YES...but tell that to the parents of my five year old niece, who has an iPod, a cell phone, and God knows what other gadgets--and still complains about being "bored" all the time.

Okay, so I digress a little. But I do remember, in the early days with dd, thinking I needed to get her those dangling car seat toys...and then I discovered they were contributing to overstimulation as well and causing screaming. So I took them away and that helped. White noise CD helped too, because I couldn't be loudly shushing in her ear when it was just me in the car (if I did that loud enough for a minute or two, she'd usually conk out). The rain sound is the most effective--in fact, before I got the cd I would take the sound insert out of her sleep sheep and just put it next to her in her carseat and play the rain sound. That helped. She also slept in her carseat at night for a few weeks during the first month b/c that's the only place she would sleep--although I tried to make it as homey and comfortable as possible with lots of blankets, I kind of hoped that the more time she spent in it as a happy place, the less she'd be traumatized when it was in the car. The other thing that *might* have helped is that we use the car seat for walks (in the snap and go)...and maybe all these things helped her stop hating the car seat. More than anything though, I think her nervous system is maturing. She even likes her mobile now (it's got bold, simple graphics---but she used to look away from it) and I might try her out under that gym again. Right at about four weeks she started smiling and that's about when she started calming down.

Don't know if any of that helps, but I feel for you. It is sad and frustrating to hear that screaming and not be able to do anything about it. Just be patient, though--this, too, shall pass!

[sparklebean]

We had the same car seat issues for a while- he's what worked for us:

Covering the infant seat with a blanket that was white with little blue stars on it. Light could come through and the stars were high-contrast and gave DS something to look at, while blocking out all the crazy action happening around him.

A song. Like pp said, we found one song that would stop the crying. It happened to be the single off a CD I got when pregnant and loved and used to listen to that song over and over again while driving to work during my 3rd tri. Now when he hears it he pretty much just zonks out.

Switching to a convertible seat. DS is a big baby and outgrew his Chicco Keyfit at like 4- 5 mo. He is much more comfortable in the bigger seat.

Making sure to nurse, change, etc. immediately before leaving. I know that sounds kinda duh, but I would get frazzled and forget. Oh and I guess timing naps as much as possible. DS did better after he just woke up.

Time. By the time DS was 6 mo he was fine in the car seat. Now he just cries when he drops his toy lol.

I know it feels so awful, but it does get better!

[boobs4milk]

a mirror like this helped some, so did moving her to a rear facing convertible!

[sunshadow]

I hung some toy bells that came from my sons play mat and since then he has barely cried in the car. It seems like the ringing relaxes him because he just falls asleep. Both kids did better after moving them up to a convertible car seat also. I think our infant car seat was uncomfortable.

[HeliMom]

my little one gets terribly carsick, and used to cry like you described. It got a little better when she moved to the convertible seat but anything over 20 mins would get her sick (vomit) unless she fell asleep.

When she was tiny the only thing that helped was music and me singing a made up song. That and me repeatedly clapping. One time I clapped for 3 hours on and off in between rest stops on our way to my sisters wedding.

[Lauren31]

now that she is 8 weeks, have you tried a paci? It helped my baby a lot in the car... I waited till she was about 6 weeks old... just a thought.

[strawberryprincess]

I also had a screaming car-ride infant (ds1), It got better at about 4 mo, but he was not an easy, happy passenger until he was able to face forward...i wondered if it was a carsickness thing. anyway, I also turned up the music and sang at the top of my lungs mostly so that I also wouldn't start crying and totally lose it while driving. that type of crying causes major stress reaction in mothers.

my dd was nearly 3 at the time, and she told me once "Mama, I don't want to go in the car cuz B will just cry and cry and i don't like it" =(

[jsh7809]

Thanks for the ideas, guys! I've tried some but will try others.
She does take a pacifier and will sometimes do okay if one of us sits back there repeatedly popping it in her mouth (we try to "train" her to keep it in but the girl has a sloppy, loose latch even on the pacifier!)... but when she gets really upset, there's no helping her, she's just IN the screaming, you know?
I've tried adding some plastic keys that jingle as we drive... sometimes that seems to help a little. Maybe.
I'll try a mirror. And I'm going to ask around to see if someone can loan us a convertible seat (or maybe we need to buy one since we'll need one in a few months anyhow) and try that? She's just still so small at only 8 weeks...

[pearl2]

I got one small piece of advice to offer:

Bob Marley!!

[Knitting Mama]

Jess, what type of pacifier does she take? There are various stuffed animal things out there that hold pacis in place-- here are a couple:

http://www.amazon.com/Wubbanub-Plush...ef=pd_sbs_ba_4
http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...light=pacifier

Basically they sit on the baby's chest and allow them to keep the paci in place when they are young and still don't have a firm hold. Maybe this would help?

[akind1]

I definitely recommend a mirror - more for you than the baby - it is really helpful for me to be able to see him, and reassure myself that nothing is really wrong, although seeing his poor little screaming face is kind of less than reassuring. DS has started crying and squirming before I even put him in the carseat, although he seems to calm down shortly after.

Another thing that has helped: I have figured out how to nurse him while he is IN the carseat. might help that the girls are kinda huge anyway. taking him out to calm him really doesn't help, because he is just going to fuss as soon as he is back in anyway (IME, anyway).

Try the white noise cd, or various songs. Neither has worked so much with DS, although sometimes sitting in back with him I can distract him with singing and talking to him. For us, daytime is ok, after dark is a nightmare.

it doesn't seem to matter for us if he is in the convertible or the bucket, although he sleeps more often, and more easily, in the convertible. We have a Combi Cocorro.

[HeliMom]

Originally Posted by akind1

Another thing that has helped: I have figured out how to nurse him while he is IN the carseat. might help that the girls are kinda huge anyway. taking him out to calm him really doesn't help, because he is just going to fuss as soon as he is back in anyway (IME, anyway).

I've done this and my boobs are b/c at best now. I find it extremely helpful to not unclip and clip and start the freak out all over again.