tandem nursing...help me

[lurve]

My littlest one, DS is nine weeks old. My DD is 3.5 years old. Before DS was born, DD would nurse about three times in a 24 hour period, mainly at night. Now that her brother is here, she is literally nursing about 18 times a day (not that I have counted). I get all warm and fuzzy feelings when DS nurses but when DD nurses I just WANT. HER. TO. STOP. For some reason it drives me batty. Plus she is waking me up to nurse anywhere between five and ten times a night to nurse - and I can't sleep while she nurses anymore (but I an when DS does...).

I don't want to wean her. I want to enjoy our nursing relationship again but I just feel so touched out, so nursed out by her. I have tried setting limits and she just throws fits (not good in the middle of the night with DS in the bed too. We have a big family bed. The other night it was a three hour fit until 4:30 am....). I just want to enjoy our nursing relationship again

[RedPony]

Oh honey! I'm sorry, I have BTDT. You need to re-establish those boundaries and pronto!! My oldest was 35 months when my littlest was born, and she was nowhere near ready to wean nor did I want to wean her just then w/ the major life change of a little sister as the catalyst. So I gritted my teeth and hung in there for another 13 months. Now she's four and I can happily say we are DONE.

Anyway, for your sanity, I think you need to start telling her no. Unrestricted nursing would have put me in a very unhappy place and I had enough of a hard time trying to integrate both children w/o that. I had my 3 yo down to a few times a day and no night nursing before the baby was born and that's where we stayed after. Over the past year, we went from 3 times, to twice, to once, to none. No drama or trauma. Sure, she'd have loved to nurse more, but I just couldn't do it. And I didn't feel as tho I had to, either. I stayed firm and she and I found other ways for her to feel close.

I know it's hard. Good luck.

Ok, re-reading that, it doesn't sound very loving or comforting... sorry! I totally feel for you, mama. You can do this and so can she! She's loving the milk and her access to you, which is super nice and good for her. But your feelings are valid and it's time for a change. 99:

[annettemarie]

Because this is not specifically a child-led weaning issue, I am going to move it out to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy.

[PGTlatte]

When our DS2 was born, DS1 was 2.5. I needed to have him nightweaned - I could not deal with the demands of nursing two at night. Nightweaning was accomplished by having him sleep with DH while I slept with DS2. I also needed to set time limits for his nursing. I started with setting the stove timer at 2 minutes. From there I worked it down to counting down from ten. This way I was able to feel okay about him continuing to nurse for another 1.5 years and it really did not bother me.

[spu]

DS was 15 mos when #4 was born, so while i was pg, my milk supply went way down. i wanted to keep him a nursling so he could keep nursing after #4 was born. and boy, was he excited when my milk came in! i had to eventually set up boundaries. like "when the sun comes up", or "when we go home". he's 3.5 now, and understands those rules. occasionally, he's in a funk in the middle of the night, so i'll give in. but when ever his younger bro nurses, he wants to nurse. it's tough to find balance.