I was wondering, without getting into specific details of the trauma you went through, can you tell me how EMDR felt for you? How did you know it 'worked', or if it didn't work for you.
When I had my first session about a recent event, I wasn't sure at first if it really was going to work. And at the end, I don't know if it actually did what it was supposed to to.
This was the incident that happened:
My middle child’s non-stop talking was driving me up a wall. But it’s not that she just talks – I think I could handle it if she just talked. She also screeches, shrieks, trills, sings, and babbles nonsense too. The girls really needed to be outside, because they were annoying each other at lunchtime, but it was extremely hot and humid. The yard by their swing set is over-run by weeds that i never got to yesterday. Neither husband or I ever attends to it. It really terrible. And it’s just one more thing around here in a list of things that makes me feel guilty because it is physical evidence of my reduced daily functioning caused by low energy and what I thought was a simple depression (it’s much more complicated than that).
My middle daughter was whining about this that and the other and then came out and said about helping clean her sister’s room was not fair.
I went completely nuclear. I yelled back at her, “well, I never wanted kids…so hows THAT for not being fair” which is HORRID thing to say to your children. I was so horrified at my own ability to say that to my children that I retreated downstairs burning with shame and feeling residual anger.
For the record, I've said that statement when I was a teenager/young adult, but it was NOT true when I became a mother. I did, in fact, want my children, very much.
I had a cascade of wretched thoughts and feelings. I thought about killing myself, since I can't seem to get a hold on my over-reactions to their normal but obnoxious kid behavior. Not just because of this one incident, but because I over-react to a LOT of their misbehaviors even though I do NOT want to. I don't physically hurt them...I usually hit my hands on surfaces or yell at them.
It's rooted in my own childhood trauma, I know, but I can't get back to any specific memories where my own mother said stuff like that to me.
Anyway, I just had 1 image in mind during the EMDR - my girls' rather stunned expressions, and I didn't really feel much except an overwhelming sadness and shame and one thought which was: "What kind of mother would say something like that to her children!!!!", and I cried. I'm not even sure I cried after it happened. I don't remember.
I know I suffer from a long history of being neglected emotionally and abused psychologically, emotionally, and physically not only by my parents, but my older sister too.
I know a lot of my reactions to my children are based on these past events. There's a lot I remember, and I'm sure there are memories I can't. I don't remember much before age 6 or 7, though I remember a lot more abuse in my teen years and young adult years.
thanks.
When I had my first session about a recent event, I wasn't sure at first if it really was going to work. And at the end, I don't know if it actually did what it was supposed to to.
This was the incident that happened:
My middle child’s non-stop talking was driving me up a wall. But it’s not that she just talks – I think I could handle it if she just talked. She also screeches, shrieks, trills, sings, and babbles nonsense too. The girls really needed to be outside, because they were annoying each other at lunchtime, but it was extremely hot and humid. The yard by their swing set is over-run by weeds that i never got to yesterday. Neither husband or I ever attends to it. It really terrible. And it’s just one more thing around here in a list of things that makes me feel guilty because it is physical evidence of my reduced daily functioning caused by low energy and what I thought was a simple depression (it’s much more complicated than that).
My middle daughter was whining about this that and the other and then came out and said about helping clean her sister’s room was not fair.
I went completely nuclear. I yelled back at her, “well, I never wanted kids…so hows THAT for not being fair” which is HORRID thing to say to your children. I was so horrified at my own ability to say that to my children that I retreated downstairs burning with shame and feeling residual anger.
For the record, I've said that statement when I was a teenager/young adult, but it was NOT true when I became a mother. I did, in fact, want my children, very much.
I had a cascade of wretched thoughts and feelings. I thought about killing myself, since I can't seem to get a hold on my over-reactions to their normal but obnoxious kid behavior. Not just because of this one incident, but because I over-react to a LOT of their misbehaviors even though I do NOT want to. I don't physically hurt them...I usually hit my hands on surfaces or yell at them.
It's rooted in my own childhood trauma, I know, but I can't get back to any specific memories where my own mother said stuff like that to me.
Anyway, I just had 1 image in mind during the EMDR - my girls' rather stunned expressions, and I didn't really feel much except an overwhelming sadness and shame and one thought which was: "What kind of mother would say something like that to her children!!!!", and I cried. I'm not even sure I cried after it happened. I don't remember.
I know I suffer from a long history of being neglected emotionally and abused psychologically, emotionally, and physically not only by my parents, but my older sister too.
I know a lot of my reactions to my children are based on these past events. There's a lot I remember, and I'm sure there are memories I can't. I don't remember much before age 6 or 7, though I remember a lot more abuse in my teen years and young adult years.
thanks.
I hope someone is able to give you the info. that you are looking for.
- I don't mean food, but papers, and crayons and stuff). Dh even helped me with the huge stack of junk mail/newspapers and old bills that needed to be shredded/recycled.
