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Witnessed a mom spank/beat her son today

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
I had witnessing something like this. I went to the hair salon for a quick trim.The woman who came after me had her son with her. I would say he was about 5 or 6. She was agitated because the beautician was late. She complainedto me that she had things to do etc. She handed her son a capri sun pouch and told him not to drink it. He opens it anyway. The entire time she's telling him she's the boss and she's tired of him not listening to her. He finishes the pouch and then she goes off! Yelling that she is going to beat him. He starts crying. She spans him on his legs, arms all while yelling at him. The little boy cried and she tells him she's doing to give all of his juice away because she is tired of him not listening to her and thinking he's in charge. Afterward she looks at me and tells me she doesn't know what to do because he won't listen to her and he had a drink pouch an hour earlier and this was for after the salon visit. Perhaps I should have kept my big mouth shut but since she chose me to vent to I told her that kids have a hard time with impulse control and if she didn't want him to have it until she was going to leave the salon she probably should have kept it out of sight. Oh, I forgot to mention.THe entire time she yelled and spanked him she told him over and over how greedy he is
post #2 of 35
I would have called CPS. If she's like that in public, imagine what she's like at home!
post #3 of 35


That's so, so sad. I'm glad you didn't just tell her what she wanted to hear. That poor boy.
post #4 of 35
And yes, if you knew she had to be there for a bit longer, I would have excused myself and called the police.

The fact that she was like that in pubic and then basically solicited advice from you makes me wonder if she's not crying out desperately for help. Maybe she's got anxiety, rage or depression issues that make it hard for her to parent well. Either way, she needs some intervention.
post #5 of 35
I'm going to jump in with a reminder of the Parenting forum guidelines:
Quote:
Please avoid negative characterizations, insults, blanket statements, condemnations of others, etc. Members are welcome to post seeking advice, opinions or suggestions on how best to handle conflict, and we welcome posts about changing attitudes as a whole and how to deal with differing views. Venting is understandable, however, we will discourage bashing. Threads/posts that are inflammatory, hurtful or disrespectful will be removed. We are here to discuss our personal parenting paths, not to bash others who may chose differently. We advocate compassionate and respectful approaches to parenting challenges. We hope that a parent who posts looking for information and support will be empathetically received and helped so that the child behind the posts will benefit in a very real way.
post #6 of 35
That must have been really upsetting for you to see. I'm glad that you gave her real advice.
post #7 of 35
I'm glad you said something. How did she respond to your advice?
post #8 of 35
Still, it's absolutely awful when you see it happen I used to hate it when I would be at work (retail) and have a parent come through yelling at his/her kid and sometimes swatting them.
Though I have to say from the OP's description, it sounds like a bit more than a simple spanking
post #9 of 35
I'm glad u said something
post #10 of 35
That must have been hard to see. I'm glad you were able to say something.
post #11 of 35
If she didn't want her DS to drink the juice right then, why did she give it to him in the first place?

That seems kinda mean to me. I mean if someone handed me a brownie and said, "Here you can hold this and look at it, but don't eat it until I say so," then I'd probably eat it anyway and I'm an adult. It just seems unreasonable to me to do that to a child.

Anyway glad you said something, and didn't condone her behavior.
post #12 of 35
I agree that she should have kept the juice out of sight. She definitely handled it very poorly. I have to say I feel sorry for her though. I have a hard time with DS1 not listening to me sometimes and I have felt so angry that I could behave that way. Luckily I have a parenting ideal that doesn't involve physical punishment or humiliation, but if I didn't have that idea in the back of my mind I could see how someone could get to that point. I imagine she's not in a good place. I feel very sad for Mother and son to be honest.
post #13 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by liliaceae View Post
I'm glad you said something. How did she respond to your advice?
She nodded and kept going on and on about how he does not listen, thinks he's the boss of her and how tired she is of him not listening. I'm not sure how CPS works in other states but in NYC you have to give an address and other information. It wouldn't have been a case where they would have come to the hair salon to investigate her. It was hard to watch.

Not to justify the mothers behavior because it was not appropriate IMO but she seemed like a parent who needed some time to herself and possibly some sleep. Not sure what her personal situation is but it seemed like she could have benefited from being at the hair salon alone and not with her son. I kind of felt sorry for her because she seems like a parent who was in desperate need of a break.
post #14 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post

Not to justify the mothers behavior because it was not appropriate IMO but she seemed like a parent who needed some time to herself and possibly some sleep. Not sure what her personal situation is but it seemed like she could have benefited from being at the hair salon alone and not with her son. I kind of felt sorry for her because she seems like a parent who was in desperate need of a break.
That's a compassionate observation. Indeed, there's a good possibility the mom is tired, stressed and/or depressed. Whatever her trouble is, it's interfering with her ability to parent her son positively. Hopefully, you planted a seed in her mind that will compel her to seek out resources that can help her learn how to respond to her son positively whenever he pushes her buttons. Perhaps next time she leaves the house with him, she will keep the juice pouch in her bag until she's ready to let him drink it.
post #15 of 35
You did the right thing by saying something!
post #16 of 35
The whole situation sounds like Pearl-Style entrapment to me... It's just mean to give someone something they want and then tell them that they can't enjoy it!
post #17 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by boringscreenname View Post
If she didn't want her DS to drink the juice right then, why did she give it to him in the first place?

That seems kinda mean to me. I mean if someone handed me a brownie and said, "Here you can hold this and look at it, but don't eat it until I say so," then I'd probably eat it anyway and I'm an adult. It just seems unreasonable to me to do that to a child.

Anyway glad you said something, and didn't condone her behavior.
Exactly. That's mean and manipulative. And good going OP!
post #18 of 35
Sounds like the mom is also creating the problem of not listening, he had a Capri sun an hour earlier and then she gave him another. Sounds like a classic case of sugar-induced non-listening created by candy conditioning.

I hate seeing all of that, yuck.
post #19 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post
The whole situation sounds like Pearl-Style entrapment to me... It's just mean to give someone something they want and then tell them that they can't enjoy it!
As much as I hate the Pearls, their "followers" tend to exhibit more self-control than the lady in the OP, though. They may trap children and punish them, but they're generally calm about the punishment (which I think is kinda creepy). I don't know which I think is worse, freaking out and hitting them or doing it calmly.
post #20 of 35
That is so sad, how horrible!

I wonder if there's any way to intervene if you or I or anyone else witnesses something like that again? Like legally could we step in & physically remove the child from their tyrade??
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