Ec fail

[lovebeingamomma]

I'm just looking for tips here, I cannot get my 3 1/2 year old to poop in the potty. I'm posting here, because yes, I EC'd her, late start though (9 months)...she's fine with peeing and staying dry at night, but she will NOT POOP. I'm at my wits end. I've tried all the basic stuff everyone tells you, so I'm looking for non-ordinary advice. Her excuse is "I don't know how to do it", she'll poop multiple times a day, a little at a time. HELP.

[anarchamom]

What are the things you have you tried already?

[zoebird]

foremost, back off. is there any reason why she MUST go in the toilet such that you won't be at your wit's end about it? this is in *your* head, and i'm sure she's reading your frustration. so let it go. so you have to clean poop-y diapers a few times a day. no big deal.

second to this, i would observe how/why/when she goes. is she in a specific position (ie, squatting)? is she particularly calm or relaxed (eg, right after doing a restful activity)? is her stool difficult to her in some way (eg, too firm, too soft)?

just observe and see what her relationship is to her own elimination here. frm there, i'm sure a technique will present itself.

[lisavark]

Is there a chance of food sensitivities? Is her poop normal when it comes out, or is it too liquidy or too hard? Does she have any kind of rash or redness in her anus? If she says she doesn't know how, she might have true incontinence, which is usually caused by a food issue. Pooping in bits doesn't sound normal/healthy to me...I would examine her diet and look for other signs of food sensitivity like rashes, etc.

[InMediasRes]

I agree, back off. My 3yo just started pooping in the potty a few months ago after over a year of being pee trained. We tried everything. Finally, I just said "He'll do it when he's ready", and he did. It took a while and we back tracked a few times, but he really does have to do it all on his own.

[emmaegbert]

Don't know if this will be helpful but just in case- I'll share. A very close friend of mine who is an early ed teacher had a student who felt she HAD to poop in a diaper. They did a slow transition with her where first she just dumped the poop from her diaper into the toilet, then she pooped in a diaper while sitting on the toilet, and dumped it into the toilet. Then, eventually, they cut a hole in a diaper and she pooped through the hole into the toilet, and after that, was finally able to get rid of the diaper.

this sounded crazy to me at the time, but now that I'm a mom I think how lucky she was to have teachers working so creatively to meet her needs!

[pixiepunk]

i agree with the pp's that i would examine her diet and see if there could be sensitivities/allergies that could be causing problems for her. at that age i think most kids only poo about once a day, though obviously that varies, but frequency can be a sign of problems. it might also be worth putting her on a probiotic, especially if she's ever been on antibiotics or had thrush, to make sure she's got the right amounts of good bacteria in her gut for optimal digestion. if those aren't culprits, it might also be a good idea to make sure that she doesn't have a blockage. a friend of mine's little boy pooped numerous times a day, and seemed completely unaware that it was about to happen, and it turned out that he had been constipated or retained his poop at some point and it had impacted in his colon, and the fresh poop was seeping around it but he couldn't feel it. i'm sure that's probably not the case, but better to rule it out - the mom was stunned and had no idea, he'd always been pretty regular but obviously at some point he'd been badly constipated and created this issue. just throwing that out there because maybe she really doesn't know it's happening.

and i very much love zoebird's recommendation about observing her when she is pooping now. she what she wants/needs when she's pooping (privacy, for example if she's hiding, a comfy place to squat, etc) to see if that presents any ideas. also, if you can 'catch' her pooping, see if she's willing to sit on the potty with her diaper on - it might be that her diaper feels like a security thing and pooping in the potty just feels foreign. combining the two, so she can experiment on the potty with the familiarity of the diaper, then eventually removing the diaper, might work.

i'd also talk to her about it - especially when *you* have to poop. it might feel a little silly, but helping her find words for things is helpful for kids on so many levels. "hmmm... my belly feels a little funny, i think i need to sit on the potty and see if i have to poop. do you want to come with me?" then sitting on the potty "i need to take a few deep breaths and relax my belly (insert exaggerated deep breath)" etc.

[MamaFern]

im in a similar position. my DD was pretty well fully EC'd till she got to be mobile, then we started to use diapers quite a lot more. she has always loved peeing on her potty though and will be consistent about it for days on end with few accidents, but pooping is a whole different story. a few months ago we were on a bit of a streak where she would go poop on the potty and now NO way. she will hold it in and wait ill she has a diaper on, or even go in pants/on the floor in the bathroom (at least) but i am getting frustrated. my other two were completely out of diapers by this age! I try not to stress about it but she hates diaper changes and i know that once she is going on the toilet she will be much happier. i dont know how to encourage her in a positive way without being coercive, which just doesn't work for us..

on a side note, PP's have said observe.. my dd only likes to go poop standing up holding onto something. she never squats or sits while going, so i know the position of sitting is probably not in her comfort zone, but eventually she is going to have to learn, right? any tips on helping her with that? we have tried putting a chair under her feet so they arent dangling and she likes to hold onto the wall or me or the sides of the toilet while peeing, if on the big one. but small potty.big toilet make no difference for her. she will use both happily to pee.

[lovebeingamomma]

Hi everyone. I'll give some more details now so I can get some more advice (I've tried the backing off thing...no difference, she simply doesn't care). There's nothing wrong with her poop first of all, sorry I wasn't clear on there, sometimes she does poop it all at once, but what I was trying to say is that she'll do a little at a time because I'll catch her pooping and she'll stop. So I've been trying to just leave her alone to do it all at once. She has no redness or anything, so I really don't think it's pain or anything why she's not doing it. Also, she does not wear diapers anymore, she poops in her underwear everyday. So needless to say this isn't an easy clean-up, it's quite gross and sometimes just falls down her leg on the floor or something...ewww. So that's why I'm going a little crazy, but I did stop talking to her about it, I just told her mommy's going to stop being upset, when your'e ready to go you can go. It's not like I punish her for not going in the potty, but she knew I was disappointed, so I'm trying to stop that and just act like it's no big deal. I really want her to go to pre-school this September so I really hope she gets it sometime soon. She just seems so old that it makes me feel like I've done something wrong.

And now she's into the privacy thing a lot, like she'll get upset if we don't close the door, so I think the days of us going potty together are over lol.

[zoebird]

it's ok that she doesn't care. that's why you backed off. if she doesn't care, and you don't care, then the whole thing doesn't matter. and when she is ready, she'll use the potty again.

also, you haven't done anything wrong. people are individuals, so they do things in their own way. your daughter is no different.

so, perhaps put her back in diapers around the time of day when she normally goes. and that's it.

[srs]

Hey, I have a three year old still-not-quite-there-grad as well, so I get the "wow, my kid feels old for this" feeling very well. I agree, if the poop in undies clean up is grossing you out, put her in a diaper (assuming she'll wear one) or something more contained than regular underwear. Good luck, I'm sure it's frustrating.